2024 Is Off to a Wild Start: Nude Bass Pro Shops Cannonballer, Stanley Cups Cultists, and More

It's safe to say the sh*tshow is just getting started.

a naked man, a Stanley cup, and a partygoer are pictured
Images via WEAR Channel 3, KTLA 5, and @TheWapplehouse
a naked man, a Stanley cup, and a partygoer are pictured

Less than two weeks into the new year, one thing is strikingly clear: 2024 is going to be exhausting.

At the time of this writing, a mere 10 days removed from putting 2023 in the ground, I have already been assigned a hefty rundown of the year’s most glaringly headlineable news stories. I'm talking ill-advised Alabamians trapped in urns, a door plug blowing out on an Alaska Airlines flight, the cult-like obsession with Stanley cups, and more (so much more).

While some of these stories fall squarely under the category of totally harmless, save for the decorative urn in the aforementioned Mountain Brook partygoer example, others were proven to be the opposite by quickly becoming the subjects of virulent misinformation.

Below, we take a look at how 2024 has gifted and/or cursed us thus far. Keep in mind this is unfortunately also an election year, meaning the sadistic shitshow is just getting started.

Car-crashing man gets nude, hits a cannonball inside a Bass Pro Shops in Alabama

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Video via WEAR Channel 3

Mere days into the new year, regional outlet AL.com reported on a 42-year-old individual who crashed his vehicle into a pole in the parking lot of a Bass Pro Shops location in Leeds. Footage showed the man inside the store after removing his clothes, at one point cannonballing into an aquarium before seemingly knocking himself unconscious. Following a mental health exam, the man was hit with several charges, public lewdness among them.

Stanley cups become subject of cult-like obsession

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Video via KTLA 5

Seemingly everywhere you look right now, someone is either holding a Stanley or wishing they could. What began as a blue-collar staple with an ubiquity well-earned by unmatched product quality became a much-hyped status symbol, of sorts. The reasons why are worth an explainer all their own, which Lei Takanashi already did for Complex.

Alabama partier gets himself lodged inside decorative urn

oh my god this is the whitest shit I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/ncTDlZr8Jb

— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) January 7, 2024
Twitter: @TheWapplehouse

I was born and raised in Alabama so I'm allowed to say this: The state often rivals Florida in terms of sheer headlines potential, with this quick viral hit actually falling somewhere on the milder side of Alabammery. In short, an otherwise typical party in the Mountain Brook area took a turn toward virality when a man got stuck inside an urn. Thankfully, the man managed to escape the predicament, later discussing it on the JortsCenter podcast.

Man filmed lunging at judge during Vegas court session

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Video via KTNV

Footage from a Las Vegas court session swiftly made the national rounds, showing a 30-year-old man lunging at a judge during his sentencing in a battery case. Days later, he appeared before the same judge to resume the sentencing, then later made an appearance before a different judge. He's also been charged with attempted murder. While many were quick to joke about the footage, lost in the discussion was the fact that the individual was previously diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, per his lawyer.

Alaska Airlines flight makes emergency landing after door plug blows out in mid-air

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Video via Associated Press

Sure, 2023 had no shortage of decidedly pressurized plane stories. But none of them boasted a mid-air door plug blowout, nor did they manage to produce a follow-up focused on an iPhone that survived a fall from the skies. In an initial statement, an Alaska Airlines rep confirmed the temporary grounding of all 737-9 MAX planes as a result of this investigation-spurring incident.

Miami mall alien conspiracy theorists further ensure actual aliens will think we are all far too stupid to befriend

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Video via NBC 6

As I already said in my original coverage, there are plenty of legitimate UAP-focused stories for everyone to dig deep into over the next 12 months, including those with roots in a 2023 congressional hearing. But flat-out conspiratorial thinking, especially that of the far-right variety, isn't going to get anyone anywhere. Still, that was the approach some took amid news stories on a massive police presence in the Bayside Marketplace area. Police later issued a statement to Complex refuting the conspiracy theories, noting there were "no aliens, UFOs, or ETs" involved.

Anti-Semitic conspiracy theories spread rapidly after footage shows synagogue tunnel chaos

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Video via NBC News

This one isn't easy to condense into an explainer paragraph, but what is easy is pointing out how quickly this story became fodder for anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, especially on the increasingly rife-with-such-bullshit Twitter. Multiple arrests by NYPD officers were reported after several people, later described by Chabad Lubavitch World Headquarters chairman Rabbi Yehuda Krinsky as “young agitators," attempted to halt efforts to fill in a tunnel system first discovered back in December. As for the ensuing conspiracy chatter, this thread does a great job breaking down not only the dangers of such falsehoods being widely shared, but how they also call to mind the beginnings of Pizzagate in 2016.

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