25 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions We'd Like to See in 2013

It feels like just yesterday everyone was stressing about the presidential election, or obsessing over the London Olympics, but, believe it or not, it is already January 1, 2013. The new year brings with it an opportunity for fresh starts, and though setting resolutions can be a cliché and contrived act, we think it's necessary for public figures who've gone off the rails to take a good look at themselves and make a change for the better. Hell, they don't even have to figure it out on their own, just take note of these 25 Celebrity Resolutions We'd Like to See in 2013.

RELATED: The 25 Most Annoying Celebrities of 2012
RELATED: 25 Things That Need to Be Retired from 2012
RELATED: The 25 Worst Reality TV Stars of 2012

Written by Jason Serafino (@Serafinoj1), Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani), and Frazier Tharpe (@The_SummerMan)

Celebrity: AMC Execs

You'd never think a network with uniquely told, singular-vision success series like Mad Men and Breaking Bad would have trouble respecting the concept of TV auteur-ism. Then you read about the network engaging in disputes with the respective studios and creators of those shows, which almost led to Matthew Weiner exiting Mad Men (which would've been a sure sign of the apocalypse) and Breaking Bad shopping its final episodes to other networks.

Those conflicts had happy endings—Weiner walked away with $30 million for the final three Mad years and Breaking Bad is airing part two of its final season this year—the biggest earner for the network, The Walking Dead, has just lost its second showrunner in only one year. Say what you will about the series—despite its flaws it's the best thing on TV. It's TV's answer to the blockbuster movie and nothing more—but the third season, which is on midseason hiatus, has, under the guise of boss Glen Mazzara, unquestionably been the best stretch of the series to date. Mazzara was also largely responsible for the course-correcting back half of season two earlier this year, which advanced the plot and got the characters off of that goddamn farm.

No one knows what led to his exit for sure, but let's be honest, it was probably money. The Walking Dead is the highest rated cable series out, Mazzara likely thought he should receive a bonus reflective of his hard work in his stocking this Christmas, and AMC replied with a pink slip.

Acclaimed TV critic Alan Sepinwall just released a book entitled The Revolution Will Be Televised, which chronicles the golden-age series that effectively changed the medium forever. What they all had in common was creative guidance from the same steady hand with a specific storytelling goal in mind. Dead will most likely be fine, but the idea that creators/showrunners on series such as this one are expendable is a ludicrous one. We just hope it doesn't take a creatively stunted fourth season to convince the AMC suits of such. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Taylor Kitsch

2012 was supposed to be the year that Friday Night Lights star Taylor Kitsch announced himself as a movie star. He had leading roles in a Disney-backed sci-fi family adventure (John Carter), a quintessential noisy summer action blockbuster Battleship), and also a late-summer edgy crime drama with a veteran director (Savages). Fast forward to December and we just have one question for you: Do you remember anything about those movies?

The answer is: of course not, because once TV spots aired and reviews went up, common sense told you to spend your $12.50 anywhere else but the multiplex to support Kitsch's vehicles. You might know of John Carter and Battleship, but only because they lead the pack in the year's biggest box office fails. Oliver Stone's threesome-featuring crime drame Savages was the best of the bunch, financially and critically, though that's not saying much. (It doubled its budget and received mixed reviews).

All three films got exactly what they deserved, but the jury's still out on Kitsch—wooden actor or casting victim? We'll give his next project the benefit of the doubt just off of Friday Night Lights alone, but choose wisely this time, bro. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison have all the makings of tabloid fodder: Courtney was 16 when she married the 51-year-old washed-up actor Doug in 2011, and the union was supported by her fame-hungry mother, who immediately became Courtney's official manager when the interviews and tabloid covers started rolling in.

Like so many fame whores before them, they originally aspired to kick-start legitimate careers in the industry—Courtney wanted to be a singer and an actress, while Doug likely wanted to revive his acting career that hasn't been much to speak of since the early '90s, when he played a creepy monster dude named Tooms, who could contort his body into any sliver of space he wanted on The X-Files.

Thankfully, their aspirations were unsuccessful, so they moved on to the lesser art-form: Reality television. Since the couple couldn't get their own show, because no one wants to watch a 50-something guy hang out with his teenage bride, the two joined the cast of VH1's Couple's Therapy earlier this year to "work on their issues." Their issues being that Doug didn't like the fact Courtney wore little-to-no clothes, and Courtney thought changing her style would be changing herself.

In a fashion not seen since the reign of Speidi, they managed to milk their appearance on the show for all it was worth; Courtney ranted about how she's the modern-day Erin Brockovich standing up for what she believes in, and Doug accused every male in the house of looking at his wife inappropriately. Paired up with Courtney's blatant attempt to get Playboy to allow her to pose nude for their magazine after she turned 18 this summer, the two certainly had an eventful year in the tabloids.

The attention may seem nice to them now, but for 2013 the couple should take a good, hard look at what became of the couple that preceded: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, who in their time were Hollywood's bleached-blonde equivalents to German cockroaches. SPOILER ALERT: The Pratts are now broke, and living with Spencer's parents. Since Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison don't even have that option to fall back on once their fame inevitably disappears—Hutchison's family disowned him after he married Courtney—the two should dial it back a little in the coming year. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, all that shit? We can't promise we'll ever grow fond of this creepy couple, but it doesn't hurt to try. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: M. Night Shyamalan

It's been a long while since your boy M. Night did anything that both the critics and the streets deemed worthy of anyone's time. It's also been a while since Will Smith did anything that wasn't. It's obvious that M. Night's impending directorial effort After Earth is just the next phase in the Jaden leg of the Smith Family Hollywood Takeover, but it'd be nice if, along the way they could resurrect this two-time entertaining storyteller turned hack's career. Will After Earth be the next great sci-fi adventure, or the next fascinatingly can't-look-away M. Night train wreck? We'll know soon enough. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Gabriel Aubry

Eternally gorgeous Halle Berry was enjoying a relatively gossip-free relationship for once with her fiancé, French actor Olivier Martinez. That is, until her baby's daddy, Gabriel Aubry, showed up at the crib on Thanksgiving to stunt and otherwise act a fool over a custody issue.

The result was, Olivier beat that ass and made Aubry the butt of a holiday joke as pictures of his bruised face have been circulating the 'net since. Now that Gabriel initiated the former man vs. current man pissing contest and lost, we hope he can get it together for his daughter's sake and act like an adult next time he and Martinez cross paths. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Lil Wayne

Asking the Martian to start dressing like he's on this planet again would just be a waste of time at this point. But please, at the very least, stop assaulting our ears with garbage guest verses ("Shoot you in ya head like Abraham Lincoln!") and focus on making an actual, you know, listenable album.

Dedication 4's freestyles were mostly a snooze but the original track "No Worries" caught or attention and since then it's been on blast everywhere. "Good Kush & Alcohol," assisted by the Future and Drizzy, is easy on the ears as well. Keep up the surprisingly good work, Weezy, and please, please don't drop the ball on I Am Not a Human Being II in February. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: The Jackson family

Whether it's Katherine Jackson disappearing, crazy-ass Joe toting guns to award shows, Janet, Randy, Jermaine, Tito, and Rebbie contesting Michael's will, or whatever the hell went down at the family compound earlier this summer that resulted in police escorting MJ's kids away from the premises, the Jackson family spent all of 2012 acting the fuck up.

Don't Paris, Prince, and Blanket have enough baggage on their plate without every adult in their life behaving like a money-grubbing loon? This year all of Mike's survivors need to throw Heal the World on at the next family gathering and heed the late King of Pop's peaceful lyrics. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent has a history of making outrageous politically-charged remarks. During the 2008 election, he famously said during a concert that President Obama should "suck on my machine gun," and that Hillary Clinton "might want to ride one of these into the sunset." His commentary after the 2012 election really takes the cake.

When it was announced that Obama had won reelection, the aging country singer took to his Twitter account to call everyone who had voted for Obama "pimps," "whores," and "welfare brats" who want to "destroy America." Then, he continued by wondering "what subhuman varmint believes others must pay for their obesity booze cellphones birthcontrol abortions & lives," and followed that up with "Goodluk America u just voted for economic & spiritual suicide. Soulless fools." Additionally, he proclaimed during an NRA convention that "If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year."

Well, Obama became president. Proclaiming that you are either going to die or be imprisoned is a bit melodramatic—even Donald Trump didn't go that far—and the stuff of people who can't come up with a decent argument to support their opinions. No one likes a sore loser, and, even more so, no one likes someone who can't keep their promises. Going on Twitter rants like that doesn't get any point across, it just makes you look old and out of touch, like an angry grandpa who's pissed because people keep running around on his lawn—but one with Internet access.

In 2013, Nugent should step away from his Twitter, stop talking about how he's "cry[ing] tears of blood" over the election, and focus on acceptance and moving on. Focus on, say, his career instead. Also, maybe he should get that "tears of blood" thing checked out. Obamacare should cover a checkup. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Chad Johnson

Chad Johnson's career in entertainment looked pretty golden at the beginning of 2012: He was engaged to Basketball Wives hottie Evelyn Lozada, he had a new reality show with her on the way. Fast forward to summer of this year, and the NFL wide receiver formerly known as Ochocinco was arrested for headbutting new wife Lozada during an argument about a receipt for box of condoms she found on him.

He was released from the Miami Dolphins the next day, and Lozada filed for divorce a few days later (he has tried to prevent the divorce from going through). As despicable as his actions where, as of late, Johnson has been making a few good attempts at getting his life back in order: He's taking anger management classes to get his temper in check, and hopes to get back in the NFL a changed man. In 2013, Johnson should focus on continuing this behavior, and remember to use his head during arguments—just not literally. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Writers of Homeland

Look, we love Homeland. But we only liked season two. The writers doubled down on the romance, a.k.a. our least favorite part of the show, and in the name of an increasingly unbelievable plot, characters made even more questionable decisions in the season's back half, to the point where the cast started to behave less like the conflicted yet mature people we met in season one and more like...a legion of Kim Bauers. In fact, the whole series became too 24-esque (showrunners Alex Gansa and Howard Gordon ran that series first) and while we enjoyed the shit out of that show, that's not what Homeland should be.

Gansa and Gordon allege that they're considering a smaller-scale, John le Carré-type storyline for season three. Considering 24 briefly flamed out after trying to top itself each year, we say that sounds great. And to stay on course, we advise that the creative team binge on 24 to get it out of their system. We all miss it, but it's time to move on. And we sure hope they've actually read some le Carré. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Mike Huckabee

There isn't enough space on the Internet to go into what an idiot Mike Huckabee can be sometimes, so let's just focus on his most recent act of stupidity: After the tragedy at Sandy Hook elementary school that left children and faculty dead at the hands of a deranged 20-year-old gunman, the former Arkansas governor appeared on Fox News to discuss his thoughts on the shooting. It isn't long before the question is posed to him: "How could God let this happen?" Huckabee, who was a staffer for television evangelist James Robison early in his career, responded:

There also isn't enough space on the Internet to discuss how disrespectful this is to the victims and the families of the victims. Mike Huckabee is no voice for politics; he's a guy in a shitty band called Capitol Offense (no, seriously) who realized like so many before him that there's more success and money for him saying shocking things like this on Fox News as opposed to being a real politician.

There's a little thing called Separation of Church and State, and as a public school is funded by the state it applies—to blame such a tragedy on this is despicable, and to do it on a network that airs such segments to gain ratings is shameful. For 2013, Huckabee should heed the following advice: Look at your life, look at your choices, and shut up for a while. Also, change that band name. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Gunplay

Robbing his own tax accountant, landing on house arrest, mixing it up with G-Unit at the BET awards, and tweeting insensitive (if not surprising, given his choice of moniker) comments after the Newtown, CT, tragedy. Gunplay has been all about the shock value this year, but most surprising of all: He's actually nice on the mic!

Scene-stealing verses on MMG's "Power Play" and Kendrick Lamar's "Cartoons & Cereal" prove the Maybach entourage wild man actually has talent and it'd be a shame to see that go to waste behind bars. Hopefully Don Logan has been using all this extra time at the crib to practice meditation. —Frazier Tharpe

Celebrity: Chevy Chase

Chevy Chase's career hasn't been relevant for ages, so one would think he would have been thrilled when he was cast in the brilliant-yet-underrated NBC comedy Community, but this was not the case.

Instead, Chase shit-talked the show to anyone who would listen, left raging messages on creator and former showrunner Dan Harmon's voicemail, and threw fits on set so big that they would shut down production. He claimed that he knew comedy, and that Community wasn't comedy—it was just something he deigned to do because it paid the bills and he liked his co-stars. Additionally, he blasted the the n-word on set in the presence of his African-American co-stars Donald Glover and Yvette Nicole Brown because he was having trouble with his script. Yep, totally feel the love up in there.

Chase's run on Community is unsurprisingly set to come to an end soon. He was let out of his contract earlier this year, and his final episode will air during the upcoming season. He may have gotten what he wanted and been kicked off the show, but now the question becomes: Will anyone even be willing to hire him after his antics this past year? He did say that Community paid his bills, so now that his role is kaput, it's not paying the bills anymore.

If he is lucky enough to be cast in a new role this year, Chase needs to heed the old saying don't bite the hand that feeds, and be respectful towards those he works with. Starring in a string of National Lampoon films, and even Caddyshack, does not make one a hotshot decades later—it certainly doesn't make one an authority on comedy either. Far from it, actually: Has he even seen Christmas Vacation? —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt has firmly established himself as one of the best leading men to ever grace the big screen, but this year saw him make a massive misstep when he was featured in a bizarrely pretentious commercial for Chanel No. 5. In this overly-serious black and white ad, Pitt stood against a bland canvas and spoke in a monotone voice that made Spock sound like Chris Tucker, while spewing philosophical nonsense for 30 seconds, none of which were spent telling us what the commercial was actually for.

It was only at the end when we saw a bottle of No. 5 that we realized what product Pitt was trying to jam down our throats. After taking on capitalism in November's satirically dark Killing Them Softly, seeing Pitt as a corporate shill for Chanel in this lifeless commercial unfortunately reminded us that a fat paycheck is always more important to these actors than the message they are delivering.

We know Pitt is pretty much bulletproof at this point, but if he keeps lending his face to these insipid TV spots, he'll lose the credibility that he has built up over the years. In our opinion, he needs to ignore the dump trucks full of money that these ads pay him and just stick to money-making films in 2013, That is unless he's thinking about starring in another Ocean's Eleven sequel. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Rush Limbaugh

To be fair, Rush Limbaugh's reign of idiocy started long before we rang in 2012—his conservative radio talk show, The Rush Limbaugh Show, has been notorious since the late '80s for being a source of hateful and stupid comments about sex, gender, and race.

Limbaugh claims to exercise the very specific type of broadcasting style known as "shock jocking," which is when a host purposefully exaggerates on the air to shock viewers and gain buzz for their show, but when you're saying things like "I think it's time to get rid of this whole National Basketball Association...call it the TBA, the Thug Basketball Association," you've gone so far over the line that you're practically in a different zip code. And when you then add "and stop calling them teams, call 'em gangs," you're practically in a different state.

In 2012, Limbaugh managed to outdo himself. In March, the radio host slammed Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, who spoke at a Democratic hearing to advocate the availability of birth control, not only as a contraceptive but as a medical necessity for some women. Limbaugh, who clearly has no idea how contraceptives work, wasted no time calling her a "slut" and "a prostitute" who "wants to be paid to have sex." Then, when there was backlash about the comments, he was completely unapologetic, suggesting that she's simply having too much sex.

We'd like to say that Limbaugh can be redeemed—as much as we rip and shit-talk, we're also forgiving people. This, unfortunately, cannot be the case with Limbaugh. He's too far gone, and there are too many articles on the Internet detailing what an awful, hateful person he is. That's why for 2013 we think that Rush Limbaugh should just do the world a favor, and stop. Just stop.

The political world needs people debating and advocating for both sides, of course, but it definitely doesn't need one of those people to be a dude who flunked out of Southeast Missouri State University after two semesters and a summer because he wasn't interested in school. Also, he should probably figure out how birth control actually works, because the dude seems to be under the impression that women take it as needed, and that's just scientifically inaccurate. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Chris Brown

There's a greater problem in society when we can allow debate about the integrity of a guy who viciously beat his girlfriend then proceeded to show hardly any real remorse for his actions in the years that followed. His apologies have been wooden and contrived at best, and in the recent months he seems to have dropped that schtick all together, instead getting a new tattoo of a battered woman's face on his neck—one that looks suspiciously like Rihanna.

Whether you like his music or not, we shouldn't forget the fact that this is a man who, from the way he's acting, doesn't truly grasp the gravity of what he's done. Recently, people have been debating Rihanna's decision to get back together with Brown, with many blasting her for going back to the man that abused her. This is called victim-blaming. Yes, Rihanna is not making the best decision by going back to Brown, but that doesn't change the fact that the greater problem lies with him, not with her choice. He is the one who raised his hand to his girlfriend, and he is the one who needs to understand that it is completely his fault.

Brown's career will certainly be forever clouded by his actions, but it isn't too late for him to begin showing some real, sincere empathy and regret. Not getting into violent fights with Drake at NYC nightclubs, not insulting women on Twitter, and learning how to keep his raging tempter in check would be good places to begin. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Donald Trump

Despite gathering evidence that we are indeed living in a Plutocracy, America is still acting under the guise of a free Republic where free speech isn't just allowed, it's encouraged. But just because you can say something doesn't mean that you should, and no one had a more obnoxious year with his words than Donald Trump. It seemed like Trump made it his personal mission in 2012 to lose President Obama the November election. And he did so through vicious tweets and damning remarks about the President's qualifications, nation of origin, and intelligence.

Most disturbing is that after Obama claimed victory, Trump tweeted that people should take to the streets and revolt until the outcome was reversed. This goes against everything our country stands for, but that doesn't matter to a billionaire like Trump, who is looking to save a couple percentage points on his tax totals at the end of the year. While most multi-billionaires strive to look like Warren Buffett, Trump seems perfectly content to be more like Mr. Burns.

In 2013, Trump should give his vocal chords and his fingers a rest and just stay away from Twitter and live microphones for the year. It will keep him out of trouble, and maybe people will forget about how much he looks down on people making less than seven-figures. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Karl Rove

It was all but over. The votes were being tallied, the two sides had gotten all of the information they needed from their trusted sources, and every major cable network was saying the same thing: Barack Obama had been re-elected as the president of the United States. But numbers and facts couldn't stop Karl Rove's rampage on Fox News when, even after the network itself called the election for Obama, he still refused to accept defeat.

Even after the newscasters on-hand and people off-set were trying to convince him otherwise, Rove was in complete denial of another four years with Obama. This was a conservative hissy-fit the likes of which we haven't seen since the Nixon days. In fact, we could envision Rove still, to this day, rummaging through ballot boxes in Ohio like a heavyset Woodward and Bernstein in an attempt to find proof of Romney's victory.

We think it would be best for Rove to just take 2013 to make peace with Romney's loss. We did like the part where he started to yell at the folks at Fox, though. That's an activity we can all agree on. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Writers of The Newsroom (a.k.a. Aaron Sorkin)

We're all aware that Aaron Sorkin can be brilliant, and write a damn good monologue at that. But sadly, his new HBO series The Newsroom hasn't measured up to the quality of feathers in his cap like The West Wing, A Few Good Men, Moneyball, and The Social Network.

The series has a writing staff, but since Sorkin is notorious for hogging all the writing for himself and just using a staff to bounce ideas off of, we'll address this one directly to him: The series has the potential to be great, but it's not there yet. The world of broadcast news is a fascinating one, and if the show stuck to being a little subtler, and fleshed out the characters to explore their conflicts about their professions, and their complexities on and off the job, it would be just as fascinating. Series star Jeff Daniels is a brilliant actor and undoubtedly one of the best parts of the show, but considering his co-stars are people like Dev Patel, Emily Mortimer, Sam Waterston, and Allison Pill, we should be saying that about the whole cast.

This can all be easily remedied: Sorkin should utilize his writing staff. Loosen the reigns a bit, let there be some variety and fresh perspectives in the scripts. No one likes a control freak. Besides, Sorkin would get final read-through anyway, at which time he'd have the opportunity to insert all the Sorkinisms his little heart desires. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter is normally one of those loudmouth Republicans that is either someone Liberals love to hate and just plain hate, but she was especially awful in 2012. So awful, in fact, that one has to wonder if she's inhaling too many fumes when bleaching her hair constantly. The two biggest things: In an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher, she claimed that "real racism" no longer exists in America, and she called President Obama a "retard" on her Twitter feed.

Saying shocking things in politics is a surefire way to gain attention and ratings for any network. In fact, the whole reason Fox News became as notorious as it did for being a Republican circus was because chairman Roger Ailes put the outrageous Glenn Beck on the network in 2008—a move that earned them $900 million along with their shitty reputation. Doing something like calling the president a slur for mentally disabled people is guaranteed to get someone like Ann Coulter attention, which she needs to sell the books she keeps releasing.

Fortunately, it didn't get her the right kind of attention: Parents of children with special needs began demanding apologies from the bleached blonde conservative, and a 30-year-old Special Olympian with Down syndrome, John Franklin Stephens, posted an open letter on the Special Olympics blog addressing Coulter's language and saying that she, and society, "need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor."

Both her appearance on Bill Maher and her ill-worded tweet were low attempts at getting attention. We've lost all hope of her ever being anything less than an annoying presence in the political commentary sphere, so for 2013 she should at least grant the world this: Be a decent human being, and respect others. —Tanya Ghahremani

Celebrity: Kristen Stewart

Even though she was the leading lady in two blockbuster movies this year (Snow White and the Huntsman and Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2), Kristen Stewart had a public relations crisis in the tabloids after the news hit that she had been having an affair with Snow White director, Rupert Sanders. The two were caught getting close numerous times by the peeping paparazzi, and the whole scandal put her relationship with Robert Pattinson and her carefully-manicured Twilight image in jeopardy as a result.

With Sanders' marriage in ruins and Stewart's own love life in turmoil, we think Kristen should take this opportunity to make 2013 a much more cautious year than 2012 was. The stoppage of any sort of infidelity is already an obvious resolution, but now that the Twilight franchise is over with, we think it's best for Stewart to try and avoid anything newsworthy for at least 365 days.

She's at a point in her career where she can be remembered only as the "Twilight girl" or she can move on to bigger and better things. The last thing she needs is to fall into the trap of so many other Hollywood starlets by ending up on the front page of TMZ every week for all the wrong reasons. It's time for her to get her head in order and strive to be the next Natalie Portman, and not the next Lindsay Lohan. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Amanda Bynes

2012 has been an absolutely horrible year for Amanda Bynes, and most of her troubles started when she got behind the wheel of a car. In the past 12 months she has been accused of a hit-and-run, driving with a suspended license, and a DUI. Plus, there has been bizarre behavior on Twitter and weirdness whenever she's been out in public. Basically this whole year was a meltdown of Lohan proportions for Bynes, so we sincerely hope that 2013 will be relatively smooth sailing for the former child star.

The last thing this world needs is for her to either get seriously injured or, worse yet, hurt someone else in the process. Not only would it add to the stigma of child stars in Hollywood, but it would also dash our hopes of the proper All That reunion we all want so much. We're hoping that she can go 12 months without gracing the front page of TMZ; that's all we ask. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Wayne LaPierre

In the wake of the senseless shooting in Newtown, CT, the entire world wanted answers as to how something like this could ever happen. Unfortunately, Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President of the NRA, was one of the first to offer his opinion on how to stop mass shootings in one of the most surreal press conferences we have ever seen.

His solution was simple: If you want to protects schools from mass killings at the hands of armed psychopaths, you have to have armed adults on hand at all times to mow them down. In the NRA's perfect world, security guards would monitor hallways all day with the best weaponry. Pistols and machine guns would quickly become as much of a fixture in our educational system as chalkboards and Taco Tuesdays.

Grammar school and high school are anxious enough for students. Kids certainly don't need to know that they have guns in their hallways at all times. If we're unfortunate enough to hear from LaPierre in 2013, we think his resolution should be to not talk about his gun-filled utopia anymore. We're tired of making sure our passports are still valid in a panic every time he takes the podium. —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Mitt Romney

With his non-existent presidential dreams dashed, and his time as Massachusetts governor long over, it looks like Mitt Romney is now one of the many folks who are unemployed in America. Sure, he still has a fortune to keep him afloat, and it's not likely that he will need to apply for government assistance any time soon, but it has to be getting pretty boring for Mittens to be shuffling around his multiple homes with nothing to do.

Our advice? He should click on Craig's List or pick up the classifieds to see what his next career choice could be. He should be careful not to go for any of the positions that he and his cronies have outsourced to other countries over the years, though. He would be in for a rude awakening.

So, Mitt, make sure that your résumé is up to date, and go out and buy a nice suit, because it's a tough economy out there. You don't want to wind up as one of the dreaded 47-percent looking for a handout, do you? —Jason Serafino

Celebrity: Clint Eastwood

We're big advocates of separating a celebrity's political views from his craft, and there is no better example of that than Clint Eastwood. The man brought a tough guy attitude to Hollywood by playing iconic roles like The Man with No Name and "Dirty" Harry Callahan in the '60s, '70s, and '80s. And since then he has moved behind the camera as a director on quality Oscar bait like Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby. But for as much artistry as ol' Clint has brought to cinema over the years, his surreal RNC speech is a role he should never reprise.

We all remember what happened: Clint came out on stage in front of thousands of people and pretended that an empty chair was President Obama. He then proceeded to perform a wacky comedy shtick with the chair for what felt like an eternity. With this one political gaffe, Eastwood turned himself from a legend into a joke. His tired, out-of-touch views bear no resemblance to what either political party should be trying to achieve, and he instead came off as the bitter old man from the neighborhood who would hold your Frisbee hostage if it ever landed on his lawn.

Clint, you need to make a comeback in 2013. Forget about political parties and endorsements, and reclaim the self-made-man mystique you once had. If not, we're afraid we're going to turn on the news one day and hear that you got arrested at an IKEA after arguing with an end-table you thought was Jimmy Carter. —Jason Serafino