In recent days, Uzi's Instagram has taken a turn for the exhilarating by seemingly handing over the reins to several people who aren't Uzi. One post is the one that informed us all of Uzi's aforementioned current task of working on the "best music in his and your life," with the post's author—@mean.w—claiming that Uzi would regain control of his account "in a few weeks maybe."
Another post, and one worth exploring for its existential mastery alone, reminded everyone that no one exists. The post also passed on some advice from Uzi about imagining a notepad, writing a greeting on it, intentionally losing the paper, then later being surprised to find it somehow returned to you with the word "goodbye" scrawled across it.
Following a post alleging that Uzi scribbled his login info on a bathroom wall at a brothel, a video was shared alongside a phone number.
As a noted harbinger of abject bravery, I decided to both call and text the number in question. The phone call never connected, but you'll find what happened with the texts below. If only my Mike Jones knowledge had been working at full capacity when I originally decided to do this.
At one point, Nicki Minaj posted on Uzi's account to promote her upcoming new single "Chun-Li." "Hit me up wen you get ya phone back," Minaj said in the caption of the post, which has since been removed.
So, exactly what the fuck is going on here? No clue, but I'm into it. Maybe this is all just performative promo for Uzi's long-teased freestyle rock album inspired by Paramore and possibly involving Marilyn Manson.
In the meantime, consider taking a page from the Jeff Koons fitness playbook by making Uzi your weightlifting soundtrack.