The 10 Most Anticipated Sports Stories of 2012

Ben Roethlisberger, Tiger Woods, Brett Favre. It seems like every year a star athlete has their thirst exposed for the public to see. With all the money-hungry groupies out there and social networks like Twitter making it easier than ever to access ballers, we're figuring 2012 will bring even more athlete sex scandals. Everyone knows Gatorade isn't enough, fam.

"Kris Humphries. He needs his balls back." —Angel Diaz

"Alex Rodriguez. After years of dating women far too muscular, A-Rod will get caught with a female bodybuilder named Pat who turns out to actually be a man. But with all the non-stop SportsCenter coverage and New York newspapers running puns in their headlines ad nauseum, we will just hope and pray that they leave the guy alone." —Jose Martinez

"Jimmer Fredette. Dude will make up for all those missed opportunites in college by scoring deep on the reg in Sac-Town. No three-pointers, fam." —Ralph Warner

"Shane Battier. Chris Bosh convinces the Heat's new guy to grow out his hair, and the former Dukie instantly stakes a claim to the team's third worst hairstyle (after CB4 and LBJ). Freed of his skin rows and drunk off the fame of being the Billy Preston in the Heatles, Shane kicks game to every transvestite on Collins Avenue, to great success and many a tabloid headline." —Jack Erwin

"Ricky Rubio. For one, he's from Europe, where crazy sexual things like introducing monkeys into foreplay is acceptable. He's also young, most likely enjoys consuming alcohol, and has Justin Beiber-like locks. Sounds like a recipe for a three-way with David Stern's grandchildren." —Tony Markovich

Who would've thought that Donald Sterling and the Clippers would ever start to outshine the Buss family and the Lakers? With a little help from David Stern, the Clippers landed CP3 just days after a deal to send Chris Paul to the Lakers was vetoed. With an aging Laker team, and young exciting players like Blake Griffin, CP3, and DeAndre Jordan making up the Lob City crew, many are thinking that this could be the year the Clips take over Los Angeles.

"Lakers. The Clippers are still ran by Donald Sterling and coached by Vinny Del Negro. They'll be exciting to watch, though!" —Angel Diaz

"The Clippers. For a second there, I thought the Kobe divorce was given a nickname." —Jose Martinez

"Lakers. CP3's a dope addition for the Clippers, and they'll definitely put more asses in the seats, but Donald Sterling will somehow screw this one up. The team, hookers, employees—dude screws everything. Literally." —Ralph Warner

"The Lakers. The Clips make some noise early, but in February, after the Lake Show falls to 3-17 and Don Serling asks Chris Paul to start driving him to the Staples Center, David Stern finally relents and "allows" the Lakers to obtain Paul and Blake Griffin from the Clippers for a game-worn Sasha Vujicic headband and a stuffed giraffe from the Santa Monica Pier." —Jack Erwin

"The Lake Show. Two or three games in and talks are already focusing on a crumbling Laker dynasty. Settle down, people! Seriously, it's been two games after a lockout and Andrew Bynum hasn't even played yet. Here is the one secret that nobody knows, though: The new CBA included a hidden clause allowing Phil Jackson to come back to coach at any point, and Mike Brown's already on the hot seat." —Tony Markovich

At the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Team USA won the overall medal count with 110 total and came in second in the gold medal count with 36, finishing behind China who won 51. Though China won more gold, team USA got the most shine because of one man/beast known as Michael Phelps. He set an Olympic record winning eight gold medals and brought his personal total medal count to 16. Phelps will be 27 by the time the London Games roll around and needs just three more medals to pass Soviet gymnast Larisa Latynina for most medals held by an Olympic athlete.

"Who cares? Where the weed at?" —Angel Diaz

"I would never bet against Michael Phelps...but I would also never bet against Phelps' desire to visit Amsterdam during his downtime." —Jose Martinez

"Yup, as long as that hydo is on deck. Forget covering a Wheaties box, after this, dude will become the official spokesperson for 7-Eleven and an example for every munchy-craving stoner to look up to." —Ralph Warner

"Of course. If Phelps could do as well as he did in '08 with sticky lungs, imagine what he can accomplish with the recent advances in vaporizer technology." —Jack Erwin

"Team USA has too much talent not to be considered the favorites, but don't expect Phelps to be a lock in his events. Now that he has legitimate competition with people like Ryan Lochte, we'll see whether Phelps gets frustrated or more motivated." —Tony Markovich

At the end of '09, Tiger's squeaky-clean public image went down the drain and it seems like his golf game went right along with it. Since then, he's changed his caddie and swing in an effort to get back at the top of his game. His last win at a major came at the 2008 U.S. Open but one glimmer of hope for the future came when Tiger won the Chevron World Challenge breaking his streak of 107 winless weeks. He's only four majors away from Jack Nicklaus' record but that mark has been more elusive than ever in recent years.

"This is the year when he starts banging hot broads and gets his game back. The universe is funny that way." —Angel Diaz

"Unless he starts getting back into his old pre-game rituals, Tiger will have to settle with getting minors. Oh, that sounded wrong." —Jose Martinez

"Of course. Forget the caddie and swing changes, once dude gets his stroke game (Ayo!) back on point then everything on the greens will fall back into place." —Ralph Warner

"Yes. All of them. After winning the Masters by 30 strokes and getting the mercy rule invoked after leading the U.S. and British Opens by 50 going into the final round, Tiger is only 5 strokes up at the PGA when Phil Mickelson, Elin Nordegren, and that racist fuck from the Masters [editor's note: that racist fuck is Hootie Johnson] send 15 hookers to his hotel room the night before the final round to try to throw him off his game. It doesn't work. Tiger gets up and down on all 15, plays the final round left-handed, and hits the winning putt using a pool cue. He then moves into the Playboy Mansion and the phrase "Tiger Back" becomes 2011's #winning." —Jack Erwin

"Absolutely not. It's absurd that people automatically claimed that "he's back" after winning just a single tournament. Analysts jumping on his stick can't replace hookers. It just doesn't work that way." —Tony Markovich

A year ago this question seemed ridiculous. Peyton Manning was the heart of the franchise and would be there to keep the team in championship contention for years to come. Then his neck injury became career-threatening and sidelined the star QB for the entire 2011 season. Now at 2-13, the Colts are tied for the worst record in the league and have a good chance at landing the No. 1 pick in the 2012 Draft. If they do land the top pick, will they select Andrew Luck as a sense of security for the future or use the pick on another position to reassure Peyton of their loyalty?

"They should, but they won't. Peyton isn't done yet, but Indy should consider having a Montana/Young situation. There needs to be an heir to the throne. The Colts will probably go with Trent Richardson or Tyrann Mathieu." —Angel Diaz

"With the Colts nearly finished with the creation of their new, cyborg-like Peyton Manning science experiment, there will be no need to draft Luck as their QB of the future." —Jose Martinez

"Does Peyton's injury in some weird way remind me of Khia's freaky yet repulsive classic? Yes. Yes it does. What was the question again?" —Ralph Warner

"Trick question! The Redskins select Andrew Luck after trading the Rams the last four digits to Dan Snyder's Social Security number and patent rights to John Boehner's White Boy Tanning Solution for the No. 1 pick in the draft." —Jack Erwin

"They pretty much have to. I don't think Peyton is done by any means, but an organization can't pass up this type of player whether it is an insurance policy or for immediate use. Luck should be happy Manning probably won't mentor him. Didn't he see the path Aaron Rodgers has taken?" —Tony Markovich

Red Sox and Yankees? Nah, Angels and Marlins, son! These are the two teams who've made a splash thus far this offseason. The Miami Marlins signed Heath Bell, Mark Buehrle, and Jose Reyes to attract some star power and put butts in the seats of their new stadium. On the West Coast, the Angels landed two of the biggest free agents on the same day! Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson. Huge deals for both organizations but big money spent doesn't always equal success. Word to the teams who signed these dudes.

"They'll both win a World Series within the next five years. The Angels are always in the mix, more so with the best hitter in the game and the Marlins load up for a couple of years and make their run. Hanley and Jose, if healthy, are going to run wild in South Beach." —Angel Diaz

"During the first-half of last season, Pujols looked over-the-hill. At some point, Reyes will get injured and miss a substantial amount of time. So, the better question is how will both teams fare with their C.J. Wilson and Mark Buehrle acquisitions? Wait, who?!" —Jose Martinez

"The Angels will once again take over the A.L. West and become a title contender. It'll be the Marlins that make a real impact, though. Ricky Rozay will take partial ownership in Miami's newest team, he'll sign Jose Reyes to Maybach Music Group and lead the team to the World Series. Championship rings and seafood platters for everyone! Ughn!" —Ralph Warner

"Awesome! Um, what sport are we talking about here?" —Jack Erwin

"The Marlins are actually going to be demoted to Triple-A once the MLB realizes even ugly new uniforms, an altered name and a new stadium can't draw fans. Albert Pujols on the Angels, though? With that pitching staff? Teams better start hiding." —Tony Markovich

This potential super fight has had boxing fans salivating for years now. But with Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s three-month jail sentence starting in January, the idea of this bout ever going down seems less likely than ever. Manny Pacquiao just turned 33 and Money May will be spending his 35th birthday behind bars this February. Time is working against both fighters, but many say what could be the biggest-grossing fight in boxing history will be too much for either boxer to resist at this point in their careers.

"Late in 2012, hopefully before December 21. It can't end without this fight going down." —Angel Diaz

"No. Both guys are too afraid to face one another. #equalopportunitydisses" —Jose Martinez

"Nope. For boxing fans, this bout is like that hot girl you've been dating for a bit but she still won't let you hit it. You continue to pay interest until you realize it's not even worth it. She'll come back and holla in a few years, though. Uhh...pause-worthy analogies aside, you get the point." —Ralph Warner

"Dana White, where are you?" —Jack Erwin

"Doubt it. One or the other will keep finding reasons not to. Maybe we can convince them to do an American Gladiators battle with Gina Carano, though." —Tony Markovich

Dwight Howard's love-hate relationship with the Orlando Magic is already getting sickening. One day it seems like he's ready to be their franchise player, then the next he can't get out soon enough. By March 15 we'll finally know whether he'll at least stick with Orlando for the duration of the season or if the Magic will be able to get something for the All-Star center who many think will bolt in the offseason anyway.

"Nets. They want him too bad, they'll give the franchise up for him. Plus, Don Stern won't allow him to go to the Lakers, he needs to take care of his other CYO team on the East Coast. We went through a lockout, so the four teams in the league's biggest markets can have seven stars." —Angel Diaz

"The Lakers. But at this point, is that the L.A. team Dwight really wants to be with?" —Jose Martinez

"Dwight will end up with the Lake Show. After Brook Lopez screwed New Jersey over by breaking his foot, L.A. seems like the next most likely destination. It'll be like the second coming of Shaq. Unfortunately, this time there will be fewer championships and no epic "Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes" freestyle after he leaves." —Ralph Warner

"Either the Marlins or Angels. Duh." —Jack Erwin

"The Bulls. I find it impossible that Dwight doesn't realize at some point that being with Derrick Rose is the best opportunity to win. Chicago has been in the running for big trades in the past, but with all the talent they have on the team, this is their best chance to actually pull the trigger. They have the most to offer to Orlando, and a big market for Dwight to star in is exactly what he needs." —Tony Markovich

Up until two weeks ago this didn't even seem like a legitimate question. Actually, that loss to the Chiefs may have just made this team even stronger. Although Aaron Rodgers seems like he may lose the MVP award to Drew Brees, the Packers offense still has the highest points per game average in the league at 34.2. But their defense ranks 13th in the league giving up 21.2 points per game. They've already locked up home field advantage throughout, only time will tell whether they'll become the ninth team in NFL history to repeat as Super Bowl champions.

"Yes. They sort of surprised people by how well they played last year. These days Green Bay is still the best team record wise and still have that same defense (even though they haven't showed it yet) that dominated in 2010. I know everyone's riding the Drew Brees wave, but the Packers just have the best team top to bottom." —Angel Diaz

"No way. Last year, the Packers road to the Super Bowl was an easy one. With the combination of having the target on their backs and better comp from the rest of the NFC, Green Bay will not be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in February." —Jose Martinez

"Yup. Being the defending champs, this team has had a target on their back all season but that hasn't had any effect on their dominance. With the pressure of potential perfect season out of the way, Aaron Rodgers & Co. can put all their focus on winning that second ring. Expect more Discount Double Check ads and snide remarks from hating-ass Brett Favre in 2012." —Ralph Warner

"Nope. Drew Brees and the Saints carve up the Packers D like a very hot, very sharp knife through Jell-O in the NFC Championship game. Seriously." —Jack Erwin

"Had they gone 16-0, I would say definitely not. Now that the huge load has been lifted, I really don't see any team that can stop these guys. Covering the NFC North beat this year, I've maintained that this defense isn't nearly as good as last year. However, with Greg Jennings coming back in a couple weeks, there are just way too many weapons for that to even matter." —Tony Markovich

One of the most-hated teams in NBA history came up just a bit short last season to the delight of just about everyone outside of the Miami area. This year's squad is pretty much the same with the additions of Shane Battier and Norris Cole. LeBron James also claims that last year he felt uncomfortable playing the "villain" role and this season will go back to "just having fun." With all that talent and a full year of experience together, many (25 of 30 analysts in this ESPN poll to be exact) are feeling that the Heat are a lock to win this year's Finals.

"Of course. Miami took a lot of shit last year and the beating they put on the Mavs on ring night is only the beginning. Shane Battier and Norris Cole round out the rotation, making them a better team than last year's squad. They'll win an epic series vs. OKC." —Angel Diaz

"It's simple. You either love or hate the Heat. I am a member of that latter group. So, my immediate answer would be a resounding "no." But with the trio that Miami possesses, how could a championship (and the most over-the-top victory parade ever) not be in the cards?" —Jose Martinez

"This squad was only two games away from winning it all last year and this season they're coming back more experienced and a bit more hungry. The Lakers, who seemed like the Heat's biggest threat, took a major hit when the CP3 deal got vetoed and they subsequently gave up the 2011 Sixth Man of the Year for a draft pick. Meanwhile, Miami added some depth with the addition of Shane Battier. When the South Beach crew wins the chip this year, David Stern should receive co-MVP honors at the very least." —Ralph Warner

"In a sweep over the Lakers. If you thought Shane Battier was a basketball Sabrematrician's dream before, wait till you see how he does the little things now that he's picking up trannies on the reg." —Jack Erwin

"It's extremely painful to say, but other teams just don't currently have the tools to make it happen. Lamar Odom and Tyson Chandler are to the Lakers and Mavs what Kendrick Perkins was to the Celtics. Derrick Rose still needs a legit scoring big, and we saw what happens when LeBron suffocates the defending MVP. One thing to keep in mind: If the Knicks can get Kenyon Martin and Wilson Chandler, they instantly become the Heat's biggest threat." —Tony Markovich