Cardi B has a PSA for ladies in new relationships: monitor your flatulence.
The rapper logged onto Instagram Live on Monday morning (Sept. 7) after she turned up as a surprise guest during Don Toliver's sold-out Barclays Center show in Brooklyn the night before.
During the livestream, Cardi was helping herself to cow ears, Dominican fried cheese, and fried pork, joking that her stomach will “sound like tires” later.
“I was talking to my friends, right? When you start dating a n***a, the first couple of months? Bitch, you gotta starve,” she joked, as seen in the video linked below.
“When you around a n***a … and you staying in his house and all that shit? Let me tell you something: only eat bread and salmon. Ain't no taking a shit around a motherfucker, you understand?”
She continued, “Ain't no shitting, ain't no farting ... Don't be a hungry bitch [saying], ‘I want some steak.’ Bitch, you know that shit gonna go right through you, ho.”
For the moments when nature calls, the “WAP” rapper offered an entire playbook of exit strategies. One of those methods includes telling your boyfriend that you need to pop over to a pharmacy for some eyedrops, when in reality you’re taking care of business at a restaurant.
If your boyfriend suggests ordering the drops through an app, Cardi instructs you to say your bank locked your account over suspected fraud and then go use the bathroom somewhere else entirely.
She capped the lecture with a hydration lesson, claiming men can smell your urine and that water alone can fix it.
“And let me tell you something, them n***as can smell your piss. Just drink water. You don't need nothing else. You don't need no cranberry. You don't need no nothing. Just drink water. water and your shit gonna be nice, crystal clear, smelling good.”
Cardi B is rumored to be dating Nigerian goalkeeper Maduka Okoye. The two were spotted together last month at Paris Fashion Week, per Page Six. They were also spotted dining together in Venice, Italy.
“I ain't around a n***a, so I could eat this right now,” Cardi joked during the stream, saying she has to be “cutesy” around a man and denies having an appetite. However, she admits she drops the act entirely when she’s at the comfort of her home.
“When I get home, I eat two bowls of Chipotle, five wings of Popeyes, rice and beans, all that,” she says. “Motherfuckers be like, ‘Damn, babe, what you eating?’ ‘Babe, I’m eating Chipotle.’ ‘You don't be eating like that when you around me.’ I was like, ‘Oh, it's my cheat day, babe.’”
