Talladega, Alabama is a city practically bursting at the seams with forward-thinking revolutionaries and a bevy of opportunities for the creatively optimistic. Known as the cultural hub of the decidedly progressive state, Talladega boasts a downright enviable grasp on the pulse of culture. None of that is even remotely true, of course, though residents possessing the highest IQs generally gather near fast automobiles wearing the traditional attire for such activities, as shown below:
Sadly, today's Talladega saga continues outside the confines of Talladega Superspeedway. The city's mayor, 74-year-old Larry Barton, was simply enjoying the pleasures of his part-time position at a barbershop in Vestavia Hills (note to self: 'Dega mayors work part-time at barbershops to supplement presumably less-than-stellar mayoral income) when 71-year-old Benny J. Green brutally attacked him with a baseball bat.
Of course, this would already be a downright ridiculous story even if we simply stopped at "old man brutally beats old man," but there's more here. So. Much. More. According to ABC 33/40, Barton was f:)cking Green's wife:
Clearly, this would now be an undeniably fascinating story if we simply stopped at "old man brutally beats old man, who is also a mayor, for f:)cking his wife," but there's even more here. So. Much. More. Barton was previously convicted of money laundering and fraud stemming from his prior tenure as mayor of Talladega, charges which ultimately netted the sexually active political figure 37 months in federal prison. Years later, the very city he proudly defrauded reelected him in a beautiful display of either: a.) profound loss of memory on a citywide level, or b.) giving about the same amount of f:)cks as Barton or even Green.
Green is charged with assault and currently being held on $150,000 bond at a jail in Jefferson County. Barton is reportedly still hospitalized, but was interviewed by local outlets via telephone in an attempt to clear the air regarding the ongoing sex tape allegations. So, hey, this is really a story of hope and perseverance: Run for mayor, win, launder money, go to federal prison, get yourself reelected, then f:)ck your friend's wife on tape when you're 74.
After all, that's the Talladega way.
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