April showers bring May flowers, right? That's fitting, because rap is really sad right now, and even though we've watched some great things in music happen this week, we can't ignore these feelings. "No New Friends"? Why not, Drake? "All I need is this hookah. And this paddle game."
The moment we wanted to shed thug tears for Drizzy, Beyonce and Jay-Z were named pop music's first billion dollar couple. Yes, they own the game. But we'll let the GIFs do the talking. Here's what the hell just happened in music this week.
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Rick Ross
On Tuesday, Rockie Fresh dropped a track featuring Rick Ross titled "Panera Bread." Because Ross can't rap about sneakers and food is all he has left.
Talk about eating your words: After having his endorsement deal dropped by Reebok for waiting too long to apologize for his rape lyric Rozay might hesitate the next time he doesn't have anything nice to say, and might not the next time he does. For example, rapping on a track called "Panera Bread," and alienating the gluten-free sector of his fanbase. We'd tell the world that it's time to let Rawse live, but Complex cares, and to that end we say: Beware the pitfalls of emotional eating, bawse. —Foster Kamer
RELATED: Rockie Fresh f/ Rick Ross and Lunice "Panera Bread"
It's official: Rap is really lonely. Also weird.
Jay-Z and Beyonce
Jay-Z and Beyonce are now pop music's first billion dollar couple. Bow the f**k down.
News broke this week that the Carters became the first billionaire couple in the history of pop music. It's another stinging reminder that these two are more wealthy than many of us will ever comprehend. Fresh off an anniversary trip controversy that president Obama himself was forced to address, you'd think these two would take a moment to chill, right? Nah. Jay-Z returned to the paper trail and wrote an actual letter about his decision to sell his shares of the Brooklyn Nets to focus on new ventures with Roc Nation Sports. Don't be surprised (or offended) when Jay buys Bey a planet as an anniversary gift while the common man is still bitching about $200 dates on Twitter. Don't get in your feelings when he raps about it, either. —Julian Kimble
RELATED: Jay-Z and Beyonce Named Pop's First Billionaire Couple
There was an exponential increase in Google searches for "Jai Paul"
When a certain circle of Internetters gets their hands on something, it's guaranteed that it will be all you're hearing about for the next four months. Jai Paul became the latest example this week, after his self-titled album leaked...or did it? In the tradition of The Weeknd and Odd Future, mystique is as much a part of Jai Paul's celebrated arrival as the actual music itself.
Not that Paul doesn't have some jams. Well, until this week, he literally only had two of them, but they were pretty cool; in fact, we called "Jasmine" one of last year's best songs. His tracks have a lo-fi pseudo-R&B/electronic feel that is especially zeitgeist-y.
Not everyone was stoked about the madness though: notorious UK music writer/ part-time crank Alex Macpherson observed that this seemed like a victory of marketing over quality, an example of "the Paris Hiltonesque maxim that all that matters is that people are talking about you, not what they're actually saying." On the other side of the spectrum, our own Foster Kamer found out what Jennifer Paige thought of Paul's cover of her late-90s chart-topper "Crush." —David Drake
Daft Punk
Daft Punk pranksterism hit an all-time high as the Internet fell for fake leak after fake leak.
Oh, you wanted to listen to the new Daft Punk before everyone else? That "leak" you found that's 13 tracks of Avicii's "Levels" is a fake. So was every version you found of their new single featuring Pharrell, "Get Lucky." Until Thursday, when it looked like the song finally got out. The lyrics sounded real. The song sounded real. Was it? IT WAS NOT IT WAS A FAKE AND YOU FELL FOR IT except, when the actual single was released on Friday at midnight, most people were convinced that the fake leak wasn't fake, even though it totally sounded sketchy. Was the not-fake-fake-leak an actually-real-not-fake-leak? Who the hell knows. We do, however, absolutely know one thing about this week in Daft Punk'd: If there's one way to get the legions of illegal downloaders of the world to just buy the damn thing, it's encouraging the creation of a litany of fakes—to the point where even the real thing that everyone tells you is totally real sounds maybe-fake—and then getting people to distribute them everywhere in the lead-up to the actual release. It caused us and a whole bunch of other people to just spend the dollar and change. And the worst part? It was so, so worth it.—Foster Kamer
RELATED: Either The New Daft Punk Single Just Leaked, Or This Is The Greatest Canadian Prank Ever
Ciara
Ciara changed her album name from One Woman Army to Ciara because, duh.
(Note: Outerspace Loveeeeeeee could have worked too, girl.) Ciara dates Future. They get in his spaceship and fly to Pluto. "To infinity and beyond," Future screams. Ciara giggles, and presses play on her latest song, "Body Party." She sings while Future coos in the background and she's like, "Babe, do you even like my album title?" He's like, "Well, CiCi—One Woman Army is essentially you. Isn't Ciara just easier?" And she agrees, and goes back to her autotuned fairy tale. —Lauren Nostro
Azealia Banks
Azealia Banks has mouths for eyes in the video for "Yung Rapunxel," which is terrifying but accurate because she talks so damn much.
Look, Azealia Banks is one of those girls who is mostly right but her message gets lost with the delivery. In other words, pick and choose your battles, homegirl. Then again, Azealia does not give one fuck—doesn't matter if it's another female, a fellow rapper, or some fuckboy from a gossip site. She will go in on you. Period. It only makes sense that Yung Rapunxel herself would put these creepy mouths as eyes in her latest video. WARNING: this GIF will haunt you. —Lauren Nostro
Chief Keef went on a Parisian vacation, loved life, and got high.
Chief Keef gets out of jail, hangs out with KayKay (the cutest, ever), and then jets off to Paris to kick it with Kanye West who we already know is flying everyone overseas to work with him on his next album. Naturally, Keef finds time to pose with guns, blunts, and...his A&R? Larry Jackson, responsible for Chief Keef and Lana Del Rey. Yes, you read that right.—Lauren Nostro
RELATED: Chief Keef Says That He's Headed to Paris With Kanye West
French Montana
French Montana admitted he isn't trying to be lyrical. To which rap fans replied, "Well no s**t, Sherlock."
French Montana wants to be "the best" and drop the "best album of the last decade." He also isn't even trying to be a lyricist. Are we shocked? Not really. This is a man who rhymes "Riding with the wolves, I ain't talkin' Minnesota" on "Freaks." But, hey, you win some and you lose some, right? Can Frenchy be the best without being lyrical? No. But maybe he can be the most self-aware. Or does 2 Chainz still hold that title? —Lauren Nostro
RELATED: French Montana Wants To Be The Best, But Can't Be Bothered With Getting Lyrical
Lil Flip
The police took A$AP Rocky's advice not to forget about Lil' Flip—there's a warrant out for his arrest.
There it was, on the outro of "Long.Live.A$AP." Rocky rhymed "Nigga, R.I.P. to Pimp, can't forget Little Flip/And I take it out to Memphis so shout out to Triple Six." Game over. Lil' Flip is back. Err, sort of. He was stopped for speeding last Christmas, and after cops searched his car, he was charged with gun and drug possession. Flip didn't show up for his hearing and the judge issued a warrant for his arrest. We can't tell for sure, but that looks like a pot of legal bills at the end of the rainbow. —Lauren Nostro
