Predicting Who Will Win Every NFL Game for Week 5

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI - JANUARY 24: Josh Allen #17 of the Buffalo Bills gestures at the line of scrimmage in the first quarter against the Kansas City Chiefs during the AFC Championship game at Arrowhead Stadium on January 24, 2021 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Point Spread: LAR -2.5

Network: FOX, Amazon Prime, NFL Network 

Chopz: This is a great Thursday night matchup. I’m going to go with the Rams to win on the road after getting smacked by Arizona last week. 

Adam: Rams have won two of the past three against their division rival. Make it three of the past four. 

Zion: Rams. 

Angel: Finally a good Thursday Night game. The Rams bounce back from losing me money last week.

Point Spread: ATL -3

Network: NFL Network

Chopz: Yup, I’m going with the Jets to win this and take two in a row. That’s called a winning streak. 

Adam: I know neither team has home field advantage in this one, but the Jets are 1-9 in their last 10 away from MetlLife Stadium. Give me the Falcons. 

Zion: Falcons. 

Angel: No way the Jets get two in a row. The Falcons gotta have some pride right? Plus they’re playing in fucking London. God, help those people that paid to watch that game instead of watching some random EPL match. I’ll take the Falcons, though. 

Point Spread: MIN -9

Network: FOX

Chopz: The Lions let me down last week, so give me the Vikings here. 

Adam: Minnesota’s won seven straight against the listless Lions. Make it eight. 

Zion: Vikings. 

Angel: Lions have to win a game and I think they steal this one on the road.

Point Spread: NO -2

Network: CBS

Chopz: Are the Saints bad? They might be bad, or at the very least mediocre. I’ll take the WFT at home. 

Adam: Washington is 1-5 straight up in its last six games as a home dog. Give me the Saints. 

Zion: Saints. 

Angel: The Saints, like the Rams, messed up some nice tickets for me. I bet against my Giants and paid the price. Still, New Orleans bounces back and eats a W.

Point Spread: NE -9

Network: CBS

Chopz: I’ll take the Patriots here. 

Adam: Patriots because you know Bill Belichick was extra ornery preparing for Houston.

Zion: Patriots. 

Angel: New England played their heart out last week, so I think they go on the road and handle business.

Point Spread: TB -10

Network: CBS

Chopz: Bucs win. 

Adam: Tom Brady’s in almost as many commercials as Shaq. How much fucking money do these guys need? Buccaneers. 

Zion: Bucs. 

Angel: Miami has been a disappointment so far. Give me the Bucs in an easy one.

Point Spread: GB –3

Network: FOX

Chopz: The Bengals win streak…ends at home to the Packers. 

Adam: Tempted to take the Bengals, but I’ll be a lame and pick the Packers. 

Zion: Packers. 

Angel: The Bengals are good? But they ain’t better than the Packers. Green Bay and the Bad Man on the road.

Point Spread: PIT -1

Network: FOX

Chopz: Picking this game before we know if Teddy B is going to play feels unfair, but I’ll take the Broncos. 

Adam: Steelers even though I’d love to see them move to 1-4. 

Zion: Steelers. 

Angel: I gotta take the Steelers here because I don’t wanna believe in the Broncos.

Point Spread: CAR -3.5

Network: FOX

Chopz: I’ll take the Panthers here because they’re at home. 

Adam: Picking the Eagles away from Philadelphia is just asking for trouble. Panthers bounce back. 

Zion: Eagles. 

Angel: You know what? I’m going Philly here. Let’s get wild.

Point Spread: TEN -4.5

Network: CBS

Chopz: Man, the Jaguars are a mess. No way they win this game after Urban was caught getting twerked on over the weekend. 

Adam: Tim Tebow will talk to Jesus on behalf of Urban Meyer and all will be forgiven by the mythical man upstairs. Jaguars get their doors blown off by the Titans. 

Zion: Titans. 

Angel: The Urban Meyer experiment is over. Titans in a route.

Point Spread: LAC -2.5

Network: CBS

Chopz: Browns have one of the best defenses in the NFL and they’ll need every bit of it against Justin Herbert. Browns win this and Odell scores two TDs. 

Adam: [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice]: GO CHARGERS GO! 

Zion: Browns. 

Angel: Man, I have no clue who to pick here. Fuck it, give me the Browns!

Point Spread: LV -5.5

Network: CBS

Chopz: The Raiders bounce back here. 

Adam: Raiders could have another putrid first half, like we saw Monday, and still smoke the Bears. Las Vegas by more than the experts think. 

Zion: Raiders. 

Angel: The Raiders are a weird team. I think they beat the Bears at home, though.

Point Spread: ARI -5.5

Network: FOX

Chopz: The Cardinals look like one of the best teams in the NFL, which nobody saw coming. They get to 5-0. 

Adam: San Francisco has played relatively well on the road in the division under Kyle Shanahan, including as a dog. Even if they’re a little banged up, give me the 49ers. 

Zion: Cardinals. 

Angel: Arizona did me dirty last week, so I’m going with the Niners on the road. I have a feeling. 

Point Spread: DAL -7

Network: FOX

Chopz: I’m going to pick the Cowboys, but it will be closer than a touchdown. 

Adam: Since New York’s returning to normalcy, that means we’re only allowed to have one terrible football team. And that honor will forever fall to the Jets. Giants pull off a second straight stunner. 

Zion: Cowboys 

Angel: Cowboys, but this should be another NFC East shitshow.

Point Spread: KC -3

Network: NBC 

Chopz: What a game. I’ll go with the Chiefs, but I had to think about it. 

Adam: Against that Kansas City defense? Bills, baby. 

Zion: Chiefs. 

Angel: The Bills have played a weak schedule so far. I’ll take the Chiefs at home.

Point Spread: BAL -7

Network: ESPN

Chopz: Ravens win at home. 

Adam: Can’t get cute by taking the Colts. Rolling with the Ravens. 

Zion: Ravens. 

Angel: Ravens at home.