Do you want to know who won an ESPY during the 2014 ESPY Awards last night? If so, go here. Because this list does not contain any of the actual winners (or losers) from the ESPY Awards. We're not here to tell you who won the award for Best Male Athlete or which team recorded the Best Upset. Instead, we're here to tell you about The Real Winners and Losers of the 2014 ESPY Awards. From Drake and his excellent skits (win!) to Kevin Durant and his awful green jacket (loss!), this is our official scorecard for the 2014 ESPYs show. Enjoy.
Do you want to know who won an ESPY during the 2014 ESPY Awards last night? If so, go here. Because this list does not contain any of the actual winners (or losers) from the ESPY Awards. We're not here to tell you who won the award for Best Male Athlete or which team recorded the Best Upset. Instead, we're here to tell you about The Real Winners and Losers of the 2014 ESPY Awards. From Drake and his excellent skits (win!) to Kevin Durant and his awful green jacket (loss!), this is our official scorecard for the 2014 ESPYs show. Enjoy.
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Winner: Drake
Was his monologue a little bit awkward? Yes. In fact, about three minutes into it, we were genuinely concerned about how much longer we were going to be able to watch. But after he worked his way through the monologue, Drake rebounded nicely and really hit his stride by taking part in a number of skits and performances that cemented him as one of the best ESPY hosts in recent memory. From his spot-on impression of Manny Pacquio to his fake songs that were actually better than a lot of artists' real songs, Drake did a great job as host. And we wouldn't be surprised at all to see him land more hosting gigs in the near future as a result of what he did during the ESPYs.
Loser: Skylar Diggins' Boyfriend Daniel Smith
One of the skits that Drake put on last night involved him reading a poem that he had written about Skylar Diggins to the audience. And surprise, surprise (not really), Diggins showed up halfway through the poem to ask Drake what he was doing. She then proceeded to ask him what it would take to get him to stop thirsting for her—and he asked for a kiss. And after she agreed to give him one, she planted one right on his forehead. It made for great TV, but we're betting that Diggins' boyfriend wasn't digging it at all.
Winner: Stuart Scott
If you haven't seen the speech that the legendary SportsCenter anchor gave yet, do yourself a favor and watch it now. Just make sure you're alone and that you've got a box of tissues handy.
Loser: Kevin Durant (and His Green Jacket!)
KD won two of the biggest awards of the night—"Best NBA Player" and "Best Male Athlete." Yet, all anyone wanted to talk about with regards to him was the green suit jacket that he wore to the awards show. He could have worn something a lot worse (ahemRussellWestbrookahem) but because he was on stage so often last night, the jokes about him and his jacket never stopped flying on social media.
Winner: Michael Sam
Unfortunately, the Michael Sam story has been done to death at this point (thanks, ESPN!). So when Sam was honored with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, there were more than a few people on social media who said they were going to change the channel. But Sam fought through tears to deliver a very eloquent speech that is definitely worth watching. This guy continues to win and stand for something that's bigger (and more important!) than sports.
Loser: Macklemore
The Seattle rapper's favorite NFL team, the Seahawks, won the "Best Team" award last night. So in theory, he should be a "Winner," right? But during his performance of his fake song, "Honorable Mention," Drake took a very blatant shot at Macklemore winning a Grammy earlier this year and even flashed an image of him up on the ESPYs screen. So he's a loser. Definitely a loser.
Winner: Chris Brown
Didn't this guy just get out of jail, like, yesterday? It's actually been a few weeks now. But Breezy went from being an inmate a short time ago to being a self-proclaimed "America's Sweetheart" during a skit with Drake last night. That's quite a come-up considering he was just behind bars.
Loser: Donald Sterling
Blake Griffin laughed at him. Drake made fun of him (more than once). And Sterling proved to be nothing more than a punchline to the sports world. To be honest, we kind of wish that he hadn't gotten any attention last night, because he doesn't deserve it. But if he's going to get attention right now, we're glad he's getting it in the form of jokes made about him.
Winner: Lance Stephenson
Remember when Lance blew in LeBron James' ear? It was soooooo immature, right? Well, that little prank that he pulled during the 2014 Eastern Conference Finals was the basis of an entire skit that Drake did last night. And it was arguably the best skit of the night. Plus, Stephenson himself got to take part in it and provided one of the biggest laughs of the evening when he blew in former teammate Paul George's ear. So much for all that criticism he faced after doing it to LeBron, huh?
Loser: Walter Thurmond
After seeing what Thurmond wore to the ESPYs last night—a gold "short suit"?!—the Seahawks are so glad that he signed with the New York Giants this offseason. Dude, seriously?