12 Dumb Things Sneakerheads Do On Twitter

Oooooh, look at you, Mr. (or Ms.) Contrary! Everyone loves (or hates) that new release EXCEPT YOU, WHO CLEARLY SEES SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE DOESN'T. You're going to get some replies, dammit, and you don't care what long-held principles you need to ignore to do it. Admirable work. Really.

Oh shit, you order the No. 2 at Fatburger all the time? Nobody cares tho.

Everyone doesn't know you, and you know what? That's OK. Honestly, no one's going to think any less of you if they know you're not grabbing In N Out with Eddie Cruz every afternoon before winging back to NYC to grab Mission Chinese with Jeff Staple before James Jebbia lets you both into Supreme after hours to skate the secret megaramp in the basement (you didn't know about that? Oh.). You can address people you don't know respectfully without trying to make everyone think they're your fam, bruh.

This kind of goes hand-in-hand with the previous mistake - sometimes it seems like 'heads be tweeting people and companies with the expectation (or at least the hope) that if they say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time to exactly the right person, that the Sneaker Gods will bless them with boxes full of free heat. We'll make it easy for you - it's not going to happen. You don't "need" that new release as much as you need to take a walk around the block and cool down.

Gonna let you in on a little secret here - sneakerheads tend to follow LOTS of sneaker accounts, not just you. So when Finish Line announces a restock, or Nike Store announces a Twitter RSVP, or Sole Collector posts that new PE, most of your timeline probably saw it at the same time you did. We know you're just performing a valuable public service and all, but it's OK. We got it.

As if the hundreds of sneaker hashtags floating around out there aren't bad enough already. Look, the whole point of a hashtag is that it makes popular topics easier to find. When you hashtag something #myfavoritenikeairexpresscolorwayfromjuneof2013, it doesn't help anyone.

There is nothing trill about subtweets, especially when those people you are trying to impress are actually subtweeting you.

Someday, scholars at a distinguished university will study The Great 'First' Rush of the '00s, and they will emerge from the other end as baffled as they were when they began. "So what you're saying is that people valued being 'first' so much that they didn't care whether their opinion was right or wrong as long as they expressed it as quickly and definitively as possible?" "Correct." "And some people who called a shoe terrible at first glance were among the first to line up for it when it came out months later?" "Correct." "You know what? This is stupid. Let's study the Mayans again."

If we wanted Successories posters, we'd shop from the SkyMall catalog. If we wanted to read inspirational messages on Twitter, we'd follow Russell Simmons. And if your "inspirational" tweets inspire anything, it's an unfollow. Please stop.

We're flattered, but thanks anyway.

Take things too serious and you'll hate everything, trust us.

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