Google Knows You Hate Long Lines, Introduces New Feature to Help You Avoid Them

One of the most harrowing experiences of my life occurred whilst waiting in a soul-crushingly long line outside a show for a band that shall not be named (fine, okay; it wasn't a band, it was Warped Tour and I was a bit older than you might think). As a wide variety of less-than-fit male individuals near or around me grew increasingly drenched with sweat, each one started to remove their cut-off thrift store t-shirts — with one flexing to curve his Marine Corps tattoo. Eyes firmly rolled so far into the back of my skull that I almost passed out, I proceeded to ignore these displays of The World Is a Frat Party and carry on about my equally sweat-drenched afternoon. As I stood and pondered my entire existence, I wondered to myself — "What's the deal with lines, anyway?"

Though Google can't quite help you avoid (physically, at least) Warped Tour, their brain trust has now devised a way to ensure your ability to bypass long lines with minimal effort. On Tuesday, Google rolled out a new feature which allows you to easily see when a particular place of business is most likely to experience annoyance-promoting surges in traffic — i.e. long fucking lines.

The much-needed advancement centers on the addition of a "popular time" section to a Google result's location card, meaning no more witnessing flexed tattoos or general douchebaggery while you wait for, say, your meticulously specific coffee order at Starbucks.