The 10 Most Surprising Criminals

Things aren't always what they seem. Hit shows like Dexter, Weeds, and Breaking Bad have shocked and entertained us for years with premises that involve some of the last people you'd expect turning criminal. We couldn't help but notice that life has appeared to imitate art quite a bit lately, with a surprising number of newspaper headlines mirroring this trend.

Take Anna Gristina, for example. Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard about the alleged Upper East Side madam behind the multi-million-dollar prostitution ring, recently carted away upon the exposure of her 78th street operation. However, the woman covering the fronts of endless NYC newspapers looks less like a stereotypical lady pimp, more like one of your English professors. The bigger surprise? Gristina isn't some down-and-out Hookers at the Point broad with nothing to lose—she's a married lady from the 'burbs with four kids.

Gristina isn't alone, either. Individuals revealed to be behind some of the day's craziest crimes aren't always the crack vial-swallowing variety you've come to know and love on Cops—they're people that cure your colds, teach your classes, and even run your cities. Don't believe us? Take a look at our list of The 10 Most Surprising Criminals. Oh. And trust no one.

Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)

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While most emergency medical technicians are on a mission to help the ailing, 24-year-old EMT Brittany Martinez was out to cause some ailing of her own this month—more specifically, to her husband Adrian Ray Martinez.

According to reports, court records show that the embittered wife hired a hit man to off her firefighter husband—for a mere $1,000! If that wasn't insulting enough, she didn't even go to a pro, but the manager of her family's favorite restaurant to see about getting the job done. After telling Casa Olé's GM that she and her hubby were having marital problems, she forked over cash, a photo, a run-down of his work schedule, and some preferable dates.

After Martinez's supposed partner in crime called her back and recorded their conversation, she was charged with solicitation of murder. Sounds like just the girl we'd never want caring for us en route to the hospital.

If we've learned anything from Hung's three-season run on HBO (or the past four months of news), it's that your sports coach is probably harboring a secret. Just how crazy? One only need take a look at the case of Ron Rocha, a seemingly innocent volunteer baseball coach at Regis University.

In November 2010, the Regis Rangers' leading man was named by the U.S. Attorneys' Office as one of 35 people that had allegedly been part of a massive coke ring, helping move twenty kilos to Denver each week from Juarez, Mexico by way of secret compartments in cars and trucks. A police bust resulted in the discovery of 53 kilos of cocaine, 35 pounds of weed, $650,000 in cash, and nine firearms.

No revelations have been made as to whether any of Rocha's players cashed in on some of that extracurricular activity.

If you saw our accused, list-inspiring madam on the street, you probably wouldn't look twice—or you'd merely dismiss her as some Real Housewife. Yet, this mother of four and animal lover—she's been recognized for her pig-rescuing efforts in Monroe, N.Y.—shocked the nation, let alone some of her nearest and dearest (like her "heartbroken" husband), with allegations that she was running a brothel on Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Despite a "not guilty" plea, reports that Gristina has boasted of millions made over the course of her 15 years heading up the establishment, as well as talk of underage prostitutes and a high-powered clientele that run the gamut from politicians to law enforcement specialists, only make it more difficult to imagine her seeing anything other than the inside of Rikers Island anytime soon.

Did this 74-year-old calculus professor take a cue from Walter White? It's hard to be sure, but if we were able to score a look at her TiVo, we wouldn't be surprised to find a whole bunch of Breaking Bad.

This past November, Boston math instructor Irina Kristy was accused of running a meth lab with her 29-year-old son Grigory out of their Somerville, Mass. home. According to reports from The Boston Globe, a bomb squad removed multiple hazardous-appearing materials (including a number of suspect empty pseudoephedrine boxes) from their place and they were soon after charged with "distribution of meth, conspiracy to violate drug law, and drug violation in a school zone."

So does that make Kristy's live-at-home, fuck-up of a son the Jesse Pinkman to her Walter White? We're guessing it does.

One would assume that in passing a deceased relative over to the folks at a funeral parlor, they could trust that their dead grandma (or whoever) is in good hands. Unfortunately, for clients of one Lakewood home, those good hands also happened to consist of sticky fingers.

Earlier this month, Aspen Mortuaries contract embalmer Adrian Kline was indicted for cashing in on gold teeth of the deceased. He was found out this past September when the police received a tip from a local pawn shop that Kline was making suspicious exchanges. After some investigation, 5-0 determined that between May and November, he'd sold dental gold to various pawn and secondhand stores 17 different times, claiming on forms that the teeth belonged to him. (We suspect he used the word "bling" a few times, too.)

In addition to theft, Kline was also charged with providing false information. Honestly, though, just look at this guy. Aspen Mortuaries can't have been that surprised.

Though the case of meth math teacher Irina Kristy didn't do much to bring pride to Massachusetts' education system, at the very least she wasn't hurting anyone (well, that we directly know of, though she very well could've been clutching a box cutter just beneath that frame, and obviously meth destroys communities, but whatever). Regrettably, we can't say the same of Florida Spanish teacher Shane Schumerth.

Earlier this month, Dale Regan, the headmaster of Episcopal School of Jacksonville was shot and killed by Schumerth, who'd been fired earlier in the day. According to cops, the teacher made his way onto campus with an AK-47, stashed within a guitar case, then walked into the administrative office where he unloaded several shots at Regan before turning the gun on himself.

Students interviewed revealed that Schumerth "wasn't a good teacher." Sounds like an understatement.

Pro wrestler Andre Davis, known also as "Gangsta of Love," received little from the Ohio judge that sentenced him to 32 years in prison this past January. Committing one of the more disturbing felonies on our list, Davis was convicted for not telling 11 of his sex partners that he was HIV-positive, a felony in Ohio, where law requires one inform all partners of their status and give them the option to consent. Davis not only omitted that fact, but lied in several cases.

Fortunately, none of his victims have been revealed to have tested positive yet, but it remains too early to tell with several. Not exactly reflective of the "loving and compassionate man" this bad actor went above and beyond to claim he was before the judge. Or of the sexiness of pro wrestling.

If you thought your Thanksgiving sucked, try getting carved into pieces and cooked for dinner by your cannibalistic wife. Suddenly, awkward family banter has suddenly never looked better.

Such was the case of William Nelson, whose wife, Omaima, was denied parole last year for the 1991 dismembering and cooking of her new husband's body over Thanksgiving weekend. The wife, who was a model, skipped the carrot sticks that holiday to dine instead on her husband's ribs, which she apparently dipped into barbecue sauce. His hands? Fried in oil, while his head was boiled and stuffed in the freezer.

And you thought those Top Model chicks were nuts. Don't let those Apollonia looks fool you for a second.

Boston University med student, fiancé, National Honor Society member—not what you'd expect of one of the country's most memorable killers of the past decade.

Yet in 2009, Philip Markoff, a dude who couldn't look better on paper, came to be better known as "The Craigslist Killer" after being charged with multiple attacks and armed robberies of victims he'd discovered advertising erotic services on Craigslist, most notably gaining infamy for gunning down Julissa Brisman at the Marriott Copley Place Hotel. In 2010, Markoff was found dead in his cell a day after what would've been the one-year anniversary of his canceled wedding, wrists and femoral artery slashed.

On the bright side, at least he wasn't around to see the Lifetime movie that was made in his honor.

By now, everybody knows about Sandusky, the former football coach for Penn State who worked under head coach Joe Paterno. Beloved because of football and his philanthropy, this supposed leader and teacher of men allegedly molested young boys for decades and even used his charity, The Second Mile, to gain access to them.

In 2002, a Penn State graduate assistant, Mike McQueary, walked in on Sandusky anally raping a 10-year-old boy in the showers. In November 2011, a grand jury indicted Sandusky on 40 counts of sex crimes against young boys, events that took place from 1994 to 2009. On November 5, 2011, police arrested Sandusky and charged him with seven counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, eight counts of corruption of minors, eight counts of endangering the welfare of a child, seven counts of indecent assault, and more.

If head trauma wasn't reason enough to keep your kids out of football...well, you're probably a shitty parent. But maybe now you'll think twice about entrusting the safety of your child's brain and other body parts to some dude just because he has a whistle and a smile.