The 15 Worst Performances From Wrestlers In Movies

Dating as far back as Ancient Greece, the art of grappling with an opponent in a display of physical superiority has enthralled audiences for generations and evolved into a legitimate sport. Those times, however, are over. Ask anyone walking down the street what springs to mind when they think about wrestling and they’ll usually say three things: cage matches, bloodshed, and plastic bust lines.

That’s because Vince McMahon and his WWE empire took the competition out of wrestling and turned it into performance. Now it's mostly about barely-there costumes, flashy entrances, and ludicrous storylines. And, understandably, people simply love it.

The children in our education system would have a better chance rattling off the names of the last twenty WWE champions as opposed to the last twenty presidents, and it’s likely that college students could write a more in-depth paper about Ric Flair than they could about George Patton.

Professional wrestlers have since stretched their wings beyond the ring and have slowly begun to take over other forms of media, such as the film industry. That's not a good thing. In order to celebrate the 58th birthday of the best pro wrestler of all time, “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan, we’re here to countdown the 15 Worst Performances From Wrestlers In Movies.

There's something utterly surreal about seeing John Cena in Nickelodeon's Fred: The Movie. Evidently, he's annoying-ass Fred's imaginary father in the movie, but he's basically playing himself. It's not that Cena is particularly bad in the role; the part is just so out-of-left-field that it simply makes no sense.

Why is Fred's father John Cena? Why does he hit him with a vase while shirtless? Life is full of questions, and, to be honest, Fred: The Movie is too annoying to even warrant answers. However, watching Cena spend an hour and a half whacking kids as irritating as Fred with furniture might actually be worth our time.

Colombia is the third installment in the "sweeping" Behind Enemy Lines trilogy. And we say sweeping because that's exactly what you'll be doing once you crack this DVD into a dozen pieces after you waste your precious time watching it.

WWE Studios apparently felt that middling wrestler Mr. Kennedy was worthy enough to star in this direct-to-video sequel of an already suspect Owen Wilson movie. What the studio didn't realize was that Kennedy has all of the charisma of a damp sponge.

He may not be the worst thing about Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia, but he's certainly not the best; that honor belongs to the fact that the DVD can conveniently turn into a coaster after you're done suffering though it.

Considered one of the worst movies ever made, Plan 9 From Outer Space is a ridiculous Z-flick from the '50s that could have only come from the mind of notorious hack director Ed Wood. Featuring zombies, aliens, and a budget that was dwarfed by most Bar Mitzvahs at the time, Plan 9 also happened to be one of the first movies to ever cast a pro wrestler in a role.

Tor Johnson was a Swedish grappler of little acclaim, but his lumbering mannerisms and unintentionally funny facial expressions had audiences wishing that he went back to the dimly lit arenas that birthed him. In Wood's flick, Johnson plays a police officer turned zombie; however, with Plan 9, it doesn't matter who played who because odds are the respective performance is awful, anyway. It's tough to stand out as exceptionally bad in a movie as dreadful as Plan 9, but Johnson does it easily and without really saying a word.

Out of the six Highlander movies, a whopping none of them are any good. And to top off the saga of cinematic excrement, Highlander: Endgame pegged Edge, a WWE Superstar, to play a small role in the film.

His part isn't pivotal, but Edge still managed to flaunt a terribly dubbed voice and become the victim of a bad pun in his short, 90-second scene. It just goes to show how much damage these chair-wielding maniacs can do to a movie in mere seconds.

The only thing that's actually frightening about See No Evil is the "WWE Films" logo that appears in the opening credits. Other than that, the movie is little more than a by-the-numbers slasher flick with a few scared youngsters and a boogeyman chasing them from room to room.

The film's villain is played by the WWE's Kane, who also happens to be some sort of zombie in the wrestling storylines, so that worked out nicely. Too bad Kane is less frightening than jury duty, and twice as boring. Sure, the big guy wasn't given much to work with in See No Evil, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that he's as bland as wheat toast whenever he's on screen.

And the film's dreadful tagline, "This Spring, someone is raising Kane," might just be the worst use of text since Paul Reiser's book, Couplehood.

Oh, this movie was bad. In 2006, WWE thought it would be a great idea to turn their most musclebound superstar into a movie star. The Marine turned out to be less enjoyable than taking an hour-and-a-half bike ride without a seat. The script was horrid, Robert Patrick looked like he was in a REM cycle while acting, and the director, John Bonito, was apparently drunk during his college film classes.

But no travesty can compare to John Cena's painful attempt at acting. He's already about three lug nuts and a circuit board away from being a robot as it is, but, apparently, when people actually try to make him show emotion, he becomes even more soulless.

Is there such a thing as a "good" Hulk Hogan movie? If there is, 1996's Santa with Muscles certainly isn't it. Starring the Hulkster as a former bad guy who believes he's Santa Claus after getting amnesia, Santa With Muscles makes us rue the day Jesus was born. Oddly enough, in this universe, portly Santa Claus can easily be confused for a 6-foot-seven bodybuilder with skin like a leather purse.

If you're somehow forced into watching this, keep an eye out for a young Mila Kunis. Apparently starring in Santa With Muscles began her on the road that eventually led to her making out with Natalie Portman in Black Swan. In that case, thank you, Santa With Muscles—we here at Complex simply love you.

With a miniscule budget, an unproven director, and a cast of misfit toys, The Condemned was dead before it even hit theaters. And, as most people predicted, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was simply flat in his role as convicted felon Jack Conrad. The Condemned focused on a reality show that revolved around convicts battling to the death for the entertainment of millions. Interesting premise, awful execution.

Austin essentially played the same character that he did in the WWE: a merciless badass who doesn't take lip from anyone. That may work inside of a cage or while beating your opponent with a ladder, but a movie requires more than that. Apparently, the Texas Rattlesnake doesn't agree with that, and played this role with all of the subtlety of a drive-by.

We have no idea why this movie ever happened, or who thought this would be a good idea, but the grim reality is that it happened and we have to get used to it. Tooth Fairy is about a hockey player named Derek Thompson, played by former WWE megastar The Rock, who gets sentenced to be the actual Tooth Fairy for some unintelligible reason.

The rest of the movie features cheap gags that mostly depend upon audiences laughing at the fact that the muscular Rock is relegated to wearing angel wings. None of it works. Instead, viewers look on in horror as Mr. Rock is, well, relegated to wearing angel wings. Johnson, usually a charismatic performer, adds no charm or personality to the role.

Johnson has been in some truly terrible films, but Tooth Fairy is by far his darkest hour.

It's almost as if the people behind Blade: Trinity had a contest during pre-production over who could come up with the worst idea to put into the movie. Well, whoever said to cast Triple H won that contest hands down. In a movie that featured amateurish directing, a terrible script, a disinterested Wesley Snipes, and, bizarrely enough, Parker Posey, somehow Triple H managed to suck above all.

It wasn't just his monosyllabic lines or his ultra-manly grunts—it was the fact that he actually performed wrestling moves in the film! Those body slams look painful on TV, yet, in Blade: Trinity, the sight of Triple H scoop-slamming Ryan Reynolds like it was Shotgun Saturday Night on the USA Network is unintentionally hilarious.

You'd think that, with all of the other genetic enhancements flowing through his body, Triple H would have scored something from his gym rat friends to inject into himself for better acting chops.

Nothing good came out of 2000's Ready To Rumble. A low-budget, low-IQ flick with bad performances all around, the movie is noteworthy for one reason: somebody actually out-sucks David Arquette's performance. That actor is former WCW champ Diamond Dallas Page.

DDP played the flick's villain, who screws Jimmy King (played by an out-of-place Oliver Platt) out of the world title. This enrages Gordie Boggs (Arquette) and his best friend (Scott Caan), forcing the wrestling-obsessed pals to help King get his title back. As the primary antagonist, Page's scenery-chewing made villains from the '60s Batman show look tame in comparison.

Ready To Rumble actually features dozens of other professional wrestlers, amping its level of suck to Brendan Fraser levels of awfulness.

In 1993, Hulk Hogan was all but done with wrestling. He had put his life on the line for a decade and a half, made millions, and was ready to retire and become one of Hollywood's hottest actors. Dreams of following in Arnold Schwarzenneger's footsteps danced through Hogan's head as he strategically planned out his first big role. And that role was in...Mr. Nanny.

It's a feel-good kids' movie aimed at grammar school students that fall into the bottom 25% of their class. Predictably, the plot is nothing to write home about: Hogan plays an ex-wrestler (clever!) who becomes a bodyguard and eventually a nanny. Even though there are plenty of awful jokes throughout, the image of Hogan dressed in a tutu was, at the time, enough to bring his acting career to a grinding halt.

Soon enough, Hulk was back in the ring full-time, receiving multiple concussions and welts per night. But those injuries barely scratch the surface of the penance that Hogan needs to pay for unleashing this travesty onto the world.

For a while, Bill Goldberg was one of the hottest wrestlers in the industry. He was immensely muscular, showed no mercy in the ring, and, even though his outcomes were rigged, people watched closely as he racked up an impressive undefeated streak. The only thing Goldberg couldn't beat was sense into his agent after coercing him into headlining Santa's Slay.

Billed as a cheesy horror flick, Santa's Slay spits in the face of good taste and intelligence, showing Goldberg as a maniacal Saint Nick who slaughteres families and rides around town on his Hell-Deer. The most Goldberg brings to the role is some grunting, snorting, and bad one-liners. We know that our society isn't perfect, but we don't deserve movies like this to happen to us.

Does anyone, besides us, actually remember this movie? We didn't think so. All you need to know about Abraxas is that it's cheesy science fiction to the max; it blatantly rips off better movies and steals multiple plot points from Jack Kirby's Fourth World comics. If that wasn't bad enough, Abraxas also stars the former Governor of Minnesota, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, as the title character.

If you want to know just how unsettling Ventura is in this role, simply watch the video above. It's not often that you see a shirtless, middle-aged libertarian talking to a young child in bed without it being intensely uncomfortable. But what's worse is the little boy playing his mute son; someone get that boy a doll and ask him to point to where "The Body" groped him.

This film is evidence alone that wrestlers should stay at least 100 yards away from any movie set at all times. It's also evidence that Ventura should show up as an orange dot on the map on the Megan's Law website.