Bills Fans Throw a Grand Total of 3 Dildos on Field for Latest Patriots Faceoff

The Pats took on the Bills Monday night in Orchard Park, and another dildo incident happened. Like binge drinking, dildos are a part of Bills fans' identity.

October 30, 2018

Buffalo Bills Fans — Image via Getty/Brett Carlsen
Getty

To be a Bills fan means experiencing equal parts self-loathing and hedonism. The self-loathing is tied to the team's four straight Super Bowl losses to start the 1990s, and—before this past season—the paucity of playoff appearances in the new millennium. This uncomfortable reality constantly reinforces the meaninglessness of life. There isn't much to do in Western New York but cheer for the Bills, which is where the hooch comes in. Along with cases of [La]Batt and Genny Light, and wrestling moves in the parking lot of ~~Ralph Wilson Stadium~~ New Era Field, dildos have become a part of the Bills' fan oeuvre, and the one-eyed monster again made an appearance Monday night as the Bills were getting stomped by New England, 25-6, for the millionth time this decade. Except, this time, there were multiples.

The lifetime ban the Bills gave 2016's cock culprit didn't waylay a rod tosser the very next season when the Pats were in town, and the same thing happened again Monday night. But the threat of a lifetime ban only emboldened fans, almost daring Bills officials to put them out of their self-imposed misery with a lifetime ban.

At least this season, the "cylindrical object" wasn't treated like a bit of uranium, and the ref just kicked it off the field before it was presumably removed.

ESPN's Katie Nolan wanted to know how all these sex objects were actually making it into the arena despite the fact you can't bring a bag in that isn't transparent.

While it's true you can't bring opaque bags into the stadium anymore, it's also true—and this is coming from someone who lived in Western New York from the age of three to 18 and owns an Eric Moulds Bills jersey with multiple cigarette burns in it—most of the fans are huge dildos anyway, so you can't call out security for missing a literal dildo with all the figurative ones milling about trying to drink away their team's irrelevance because it so uncomfortably mirrors their own.

Go Bills!