Kourtney Kardashian is opening up about her time on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and her memories aren’t all that positive. 

While the show brought Kourt notoriety on television, the Kardashian sister and Poosh pioneer revealed in a new interview with Bustle that she wasn’t always in the best place as it was all going down between 2007 and 2021 during the show’s 20-season run on E!.

“Shooting our show, it became a really toxic environment at the end for me,” Kardashian said. “I would fight with my sisters. There was, like, just a lot going on. And even for me personally, I wasn’t in the happiest place.”

Kardashian alluded to the show’s editing being responsible for how audiences perceived her, sharing that she “felt like I was being almost a character” when the cameras were around. “‘This is Kourtney, and she’s in a bad mood, so even though she was laughing really at lunch, we’re going to cut out the laughing and let’s only use the annoying comment that she said.’”

Still, Kourtney worked to now become “happier than I’ve ever been” as she preps for the April 14 debut of the Kardashian’s latest show—titled The Kardashians— on Hulu. New episodes will follow weekly. 

“I see the growth that comes from those unhappy places which make it all worth it,” she said. “I’m like, ‘If we didn’t go through these roller coasters, you wouldn’t get to the good part.’” 

In other Kourtney news, the eldest Kardashian sister is still going strong with Travis Barker, having bought him his “dream car” for his birthday just a few months back. The two were engaged back in October, after the rocker proposed on a beach in Montecito, and Kourtney had even joined him on a plane for the first time since his 2008 crash. 

“I made a deal with her that she had just said to me, ‘I would love to do so much traveling with you,” Barker told Nylon. “I want to go to Italy with you. I want to go to Cabo with you. I want to go to Paris with you. I want to go to Bora Bora with you.’ And I said, ‘Well, when the day comes you want to fly, I’m telling you I’ll do it with you. I would do anything with you. And just give me 24 hours’ notice.’ And that’s what she did.”