30 Conversations to Avoid Having on a First Date

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Of course you want to talk about what's going on in your life, but if that includes weekly visits to therapy to work out your aversion to intimacy or crippling self-hatred, don't detail that part of your weekly routine. Try not to start any sentences with "My therapist says..." or "In therapy last week..." There's no shame in it at all, but show discretion as to when and in whom you confide the particulars of your mental self-care. There's no shame in retaining a little mystery, either.

Tales of wild partying are often a "you had to be there" situation-especially if they end with police involvement or temporary memory loss. You also don't want one of the first images in your date's mind to be one of you making a friend carry a blowup doll or wear a veil covered in condoms. And finally, what happens in Vegas really should stay in Vegas. Don't go violating that golden principle.

If you met at church or the seminary, it's probably OK. But otherwise, Don't talk about yours, don't ask about theirs, and don't bash anyone else's, because you never know what the experience of the other person has been.

Include Reiki, naturopaths, and any other personal health pursuits here. It's another topic that is fascinating to those with direct involvement and dull to those without. And like any other health matter, it's really not your date's strongest desire to hear about the things you pay people to do for your body.

...or Bikram, or Zumba, or your trainer. It's fine to be enthusiastic about fitness, of course, but your workout is a "show, don't tell" situation. You don't go to the gym so you can talk about what it's like at the gym; you go to the gym so you look and feel good.

Even if your date gets them, it gets old fast when your conversation partner refers to '90s indie bands or '70s films or '80s sitcoms in every other sentence. Don't make establishing your cultural bonafides a priority. There are many other ways to relate to another person that aren't dependant on mass culture, and far more personal, so maybe talk about those?

Unless you're a porn star or an astronaut, your job is probably boring. Don't talk about the details of your office, your coworkers, your boss-all that mundane work life stuff that you can save to dump on your friends. And don't ask too much about theirs. If they hate it or if it's complex, they probably don't want to talk about or explain their work.

Detailed rundowns of lumpectomies, ultrasounds, mole removal, lap band surgery, any surgery whatsover, don't make for pleasant conversation. It's awkward to listen to someone you've just met talk about their health issues, because you want to be sympathetic while also desperately wishing you weren't hearing about it. It also might have the effect of reminding your date they need to call their grandparents, which isn't particularly fun or hot, either.

Nothing kills a mood faster than talking about a local violent crime. And if your date sees you as a little shaky to begin with, this choice of topic might make them start looking for the nearest exit. Turning the conversation towards the gory or tragic has a way of making someone question your mental state.

Any information about your medicine cabinet is best not disclosed too soon, especially if it's heavy on the psychopharmaceuticals. You can compare ADHD medications later, but for now, you don't need to talk about your antidepressants or mood stabilizers and their effect on your libido.

Resist the impulse to comment on how much/little your date drinks or eats. In fact, there's no reason to do this with anyone. Appetites are a personal matter and making sure someone knows you're paying close attention to theirs is a sure way to make them feel like a subject that's being studied rather than a person.

This goes for any service professional you might encounter on a first date. Rudeness towards servers is an enormous red flag and is almost impossible to recover from. The same goes for being a cheap tipper. Women in particular take note of and judge a date's character based on his treatment and remuneration of servers.

Or anything else remotely political. If you're getting along, you probably have views in common, and if you don't, do you really want to start an argument? Talking about Ron Paul will only sow discord.

It's fine to have preferences in the matter of a partner's personal grooming. It's not fine to go off on physical details you don't have firsthand knowledge of yet. Hold off on expounding on how hairy legs are dirty or shaved chests are infantile until you know whether or not you'd like a chance to see this person naked.

That new diet might have helped you lose 10 pounds in a month, but no one-unless they're on the same diet-wants to hear about how awesome it is for you to "eat like we were made to." This goes for any fad diet or cleanse. There will be plenty of time for them to become familiar with whatever self-imposed dietary restrictions you've chosen on future restaurant visits when they hear your detailed and lengthy order instructions.

Especially if it's been a really, really long time or if it just happened. Talking about a long dry spell is sad and will make your date wonder if you are perhaps bad at sex. Talking about sex you've had recently is more information than is called for. Talking about the sex you've had with other people is irrelevant to the date you are on, assuming that part of your dating goal is to find a new person who might, in the future, have sex with you.

Oh, glory days. Were you an accomplished Academic Decathalon competitor or National Merit scholar or All-State football player? The last time you should mention that is on your college applications. There's no reason why an adult should rehash teen years as a way to impress a date. Unless you're still in high school, in which case they already know.

Perhaps you have exchanged social media information before this date. Perhaps you have a prominent presence on Twitter or Instagram or Tumblr. Perhaps this is not something to boast about as it has the tinge of talking about that time you won an award for dramatic interpretation in high school or the number of sexual partners you've had; anyone who would volunteer the information has a seriously misguided sense of what other people what to know about them.

This shouldn't be tough to avoid, since there are precious few topics it's less fun to talk about. But really, how much or how little you have or what you or your date earns shouldn't ever be a part of a first-date conversation. Personal finances tend to bring up strong emotions and even long-term couples have difficulty talking about money. It can start lightly, but is dangerous territory.

Unless you already have some, in which case disclosure of their existence is essential, children and their potential importance to you are a conversation for many, many, many, dates past the first. This includes opinions about others' childrearing techniques, vaccines, and circumcisions. It's a topic that offers so many potential ways to offend or dismay your date. Skip it altogether.

Don't be a namedropper. Impressive contacts should stay in your phone and off of your lips. Going out of your way to bring up the illustrious people you might know conveys insecurity and makes it seem like you're less interesting than who you know.

Unless you met at a 9/11 truthers get-together, it's best to keep your ideas about government-induced tornados and false flags to yourself. Fringe political beliefs have a way of getting people to back away slowly from the wild-eyed, intense believer. Plus, expounding on a conspiracy theory will be a one-sided conversation where one person rants and the other says "Wow, that's a pretty interesting way of looking at it," over and over. Mostly, they're just being polite.

Everyone knows that other people's dreams are as boring as their own are fascinating. Start with "I had the weirdest dream last night!" and by the time you're at "And then I was back in high school but it was at Six Flags and not a school," your date's eyes will be glazed over and they'll be thinking about how nice it will be to get back home to Netflix.

Shared complaining-about that loud jerk behind you in the bar or the weird cabbie or that song you both hate-can help form bonds. But if you're flying off with complaints about your job, neighbors, and friends, well, you're just a downer. It's never interesting or pleasant to listen to a near-stranger airing their grievances. Keep it positive, and if you can't do that, at least keep it amusing. Angry-funny will at least produce laughs instead of the nervous chuckles elicited by angry-bitter.

While you might be passionate about some obscure collector's item, if it's a little unusual for an adult, it might telegraph "creep" or "hoarder" to your date. Maybe you're passionate about antique gynecological instruments or you're a Brony and you have shelves covered with children's toys, but no children. These are enthusiasms that will eliminate rather than entice potential partners. Just saying...

For this purpose, we're not talking about tigers, because if you have a tiger, go on ahead and talk about that. But if you own a python or a sugar glider or a ferret, you're definitely a niche pet owner, and fair or not, many people have prejudices towards poisonous/toothy/rodent pets. Make that first impression before you contend with those.

One cute picture of your dog in his Halloween costume is OK, but pet photo show and tell is not. Unless you have the same kind of pet (you're both dog people or cat people or fish people) talking about how your cat is so funny when he prances across your keyboard, or how your dog barfed up your car keys is only entertaining for you.

No need to explain this one. Just don't do it. Okay, here's the explanation: if you have nothing but bad things to say about your last partner, your date might start to wonder about the other side of the story and possibly project themselves into a future conversation where you complain about them. If you have nothing but good things to say, it might look like you're still emotionally invested in your last relationship and not ready to move forward. Lose-lose.

Is there any situation in which talking about marriage on a first date, regardless of context, won't lead to an awkward pause or silence? Should it come up, say there's a bachelorette party staggering past the bar, pretend nothing was said and move right on past it to the next topic. No matter how lighthearted the banter about it, just the word can set off the "too fast, eject" response in your date.

Though a good number of us would, it's still a little weird to admit you typed your date's name into a search engine to investigate them. Assuming you didn't find anything that would keep you from going out with them, you might still wind up with some trivia that pops into your head when they mention where they used to work, their school, or their single-subject Tumblr of meerkat macros with Bill Murray photoshopped in. Do not, no matter what, respond to anything they tell you about themselves with, "Oh yeah, I read about that online."