10 Signs That Adult Films Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Porn isn’t inherently bad. In fact, adult films can be a healthy part of any person's sex life. But like everything else, it's best taken in with moderation.

Recently, one 23-year-old writer spoke out about his problems with adult films. In an affecting essay published by Salon, he describes his descent down a “kink spiral,” and poses a tough question to himself: "Was I more turned on by porn than by real women? What did that mean about my sexuality?"

His answer points to some unsettling conclusions. Of course it's possible to have a functioning relationship with adult entertainment, one that doesn't negatively impact one's romantic relationships. That said, it's well worth considering the ill effects porn can have on one's sex life, if only in the name of, well, moderation.

Check yourself: These are 10 Signs that Adult Films Are Hurting Your Sex Life.

By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)

Send your anonymous sex and dating questions to [email protected], and we'll answer them in our new advice column, 99 Problems.

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Porn stars inadvertently teach by example. If a semester of sex ed. can pique a student's curiosity, and send them to the Internet for more information, the visuals are another extreme, entirely.

Though the issue of safe sex in porn's a controversial one, often times porn stars don't wear condoms. Granted, most are tested for sexually transmitted diseases, but those are controlled, regulated circumstances; most sex among consenting adults in America, thankfully, isn't. That said, the health risks they take on as part of their profession probably isn't something the average person should subject themselves to without at least weighing those risks. And usually, that context isn't presented with most porn.

Casual sex without protection is reckless, bottom line. Porn just doesn't communicate this (nor the answer of a recent survey explaining that sex with condoms doesn't make sex worse).

Point blank: There's only so often a man can, uh, "go," both in the literal and figureative sense. If you're retreating to the computer at night (or when she's not around) every time you're feeling frisky, it can ultimately mean less sex for her.

Most women are understanding if you're occasionally not in the mood, but if your reasoning involves anything without her, she'll undoubtedly be taken aback, if not offended. It's not that she's upset by you watching pornography period (though some women may be), it's more that you're opting to connect to the Internet instead of with her.

Being able to access sex at the click of a mouse, and thus being able to click your way through different categories of fetishes, is as much a thorough as it is alienating way to arrive at your sexual preferences. Getting in touch with your sexuality and finding who you are as a sexual being shouldn't be done via a search engine. Investing in the process of finding your preferences with a real human is—like any slow process—more likely to produce the more satisfying result.

It should be a discovery process, and robbing yourself of that important process can be detrimental to your sexual health. Would you have settled into different preferences had you sought them in another person? Maybe; maybe not. But wouldn't it have been more gratifying (and a hell of a lot more fun) to actualize your kinks with a real human?

The trouble with watching porn can occur when it becomes an inextricable part of your masturbation routine. Routines are hard to break.

You touch yourself a certain way, while watching a certain thing. Suddenly, when a woman comes into the picture, you may find it takes longer to orgasm, if you even orgasm at all. Without those routines, and specific cues, your pleasure can feel notably dulled. The issue might be that you've created an experience with porn that is difficult to replicate.

Even if you're not consciously looking to re-enact what you watch, your body can come to expect certain things, certain ways, making it more difficult to aroused when you're doing things differently. You know, like without your computer, and with another person.

The unrealistic expectations pornography can create are two-fold, and the women you have sex with aren't the only ones whose self-esteem suffers when being compared with porn stars.

Women watch porn, too. They see men who can go for hours, who are far more acrobatic than you, doing things to women that you can't. These men don't lose their erections. These men finish every time. These men have forearm-length penises. These men are porn stars, and you are just a man. Suddenly, during sex, you can find yourself feeling anxious and inferior. Are you not meeting her expectations?

We're here to put an end to this myth: Women do not want to have sex with porn stars. Women want real sex with real men, even if that means the occasional off night. Take solace in that, and adjust your fears accordingly.

When you're having real, unscripted sex with an actual human being, things don't always go as planned. There's a considerable amount of fumbling, laughing, and "Hey! That's not my [anatomy of choice]." It's an imperfect art, at best. And that can be one the best—if not most human—parts of it.

It can be problematic if we bring our porn point of view (perfectly executed sex, every time) into reality if it translates to a lacking appreciation for what sex should really be—improvisation.

Yes, sex is about pleasure. It's about getting off, and fulfilling needs, and releasing and blah, blah, blah. But it's also about connecting with another individual.

Porn portrays a woman's body as a mean to an end, and it's a dangerous idea to entertain. The woman underneath you is a person, maybe someone you care about. And part of the genuine, real deal excitement of sex is getting close to that person in a very intimate, personal way.

It's easy to forget this essential aspect of sex when you watch women on-screen moving their bodies just for someone else's pleasure (yours), and nothing more. There's more to sex than just two bodies slapping together. It doesn't always have to be love, but a routine of it being strictly mechanical can't be a good thing.

Are you surprised your girlfriend hasn't suggested a foursome lately, or asked to be walked around on a dog leash?

Porn is capable of instilling as many outlandish ideas as it does disturbing ones. It can suggest that women enjoy being disrespected, used, even raped. The people starring in porn often become body-shaped tools that plunge things in and out of each other—don't mistake that for regular human sex.

Most of mainstream porn fetishizes different parts of the human body, making for an exaggerated "exquisite corpse"-style composite of a woman. The typical female porn star is built like a Barbie—hairless, with massive breasts, long legs, and a heart-shaped butt. Also, bleached body parts.

Confuse fantasy with reality, and you might find yourself disappointed when the women you encounter on a day-to-day basis fail to live up to the hyperbolic sex of the adult entertainment industry.