Watch or Washed: What's on TV This Week?

Verdict: Washed

When: Wednesdays at 10 p.m.

Where: FX

Why: Look, Freak Show isn't the worst thing Ryan Murphy's done—on this series, or you know, across his whole career—but I can't rightly call it compelling TV. At least not right now. Three and a half seasons in, AHS has revealed itself to be a sum-of-parts deal, especially given last seasons's nonsensical Coven, which changed tones every three episodes and churned through about 28 different storylines. These first six episodes haven't exactly been fun to watch, but who knows! The last seven could potentially, completely validate things.

But as it stands, Elsa Mars is the weakest Jessica Lange character yet, and really, none of the AHS troupe is at their best right now. Aside from an occasional well-acted scene from the likes of Kathy Bates or Evan Peters, the "freaks" and their struggle for acceptance and inner peace or whatever just isn't connecting. The saving grace, so far, has been the hilarious origin story saga of the demented, pathetically inept, Patrick Bateman meets Dexter Morgan spoiled little rich boy Dandy (Finn Whitrock). His interactions with Maid Patti LaBelle (because why not?), his enabling mother (Frances Conroy), and especially Twisty the Killer Clown (John Carroll Lynch, miss you already bruh) are a hoot to watch, because they're just so damn weird and funny—Conroy's rationalization that psychopaths are a naturally recurring affliction in affluent families is a season highlight. But, it's kind of a problem when a horror series is coasting on dark humor more than scares, right? —Frazier Tharpe

Verdict: Watch

When: Fridays at 9:00 p.m.

Where: ABC

Why: You know what I’d cop ten boxes of? “Cow Wow Cereal Milk,” a specially flavored milk that tastes like the leftover goodness you slurp once your breakfast cereal is almost done.

Unfortunately, that liquid brilliance doesn’t actually exist—the dream-crushers on ABC’s reality competition series Shark Tank flushed it down the toilet. If millionaire bigwigs Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, FUBU founder/CEO Daymond John, and their fellow “sharks” can resist an idea that magical, just imagine what they’re actually willing to invest hundreds of thousands of dollars into?

The struggle “Cow Wow Cereal Milk" epitomizes why you should be watching Shark Tank, even if you, like me, usually scoff at reality television. It’s validation for your most idiotic ideas that’s also hugely entertaining and, assuming you’re not conceiving gimmicky milk, inspirational. A few weeks back, a former Navy SEAL pitched “Bottle Breacher,” a DIY company that turns 50-caliber bullets into beer bottle openers—he left the “tank” caking out with a $150,000 investment. The American Dream, exemplified. —Matt Barone

Verdict: Watch

When: Sundays at 9

Where: HBO

Why: If you made it this far, why give up now? Six episodes is such a short order, it's almost laughable, but here we are. Aaron Sorkin is fleeing television and all of you bloggers writers with your well-founded opinions on why his latest effort is problematic. But not before he hits us with six more hours of education on how Real Journalism™ is done, dammit.

I'll be honest: precisely 20 minutes into last night's episode I was ready to throw in the Wash Cloth, a sentiment I expressed on Twitter dot com, the social media site that clearly keeps Sorkin up at night given that he has now shaded it approximately 17 times over just two episodes. But, just like Charlie Skinner (Sam Waterston) had to after Meryl Streep's daughter Grace got ACN in more hot water via those damned tweets, I was forced to issue a retraction. The sleepy hour suddenly turned up from Moral Maggie's train ride and a Will-Mac debate bordering on self-parody, when things got very real for Neal and the Alphabet Boys descended on the ACN bullpen. I too, find The Newsroom problematic (pretentious, full of itself, and at times a really bad rom-com) but I can't front like I don't enjoy watching it. And as season two proved, the show's at its best when the whole team's united, with their backs against the wall. With the always welcome and electrifying Leona Lansing (Jane Fonda) and Rebecca Halliday (Marcia Gay Harden) on deck, these last four hours just might be fun. —Frazier Tharpe

Verdict: Watch

When: Saturdays at 9 p.m.

Where: Starz

Why: "Oh, great, another Missing (Probably Dead) Kid Drama! I'll get right on that!" is what you must be thinking. Well, if you like over-consuming great TV and have the stomach for grief-strewn dramas, then you actually should. The Missing, doesn't reinvent its genre's wheel, but it's not exactly by-the-numbers either. I was surprised at how much I tensed up during young Oliver's abduction is even though it was inevitable and have seen a variation of the scene across like, a dozen movies. It's a testament to how great the execution is all throughout the series, from the pacing to the acting, and of course, the intrigue.

The series cuts back and forth from Oliver's kidnapping and the ensuing search efforts in 2006 to present day, i.e. a whopping eight years later where the only person keeping the cold case warm is Oliver's dad, Tony (James Nesbitt), with help from a retired abduction specialist (the awesome Tcheky Karyo, esteemed Bad Boys villain). The flashbacks and the present-day scenes are basically competing to see which can depress you more, but altogether I couldn't take my eyes off of it. And now I can't proudly declare that I've never watched a Starz series anymore. Damn. —Frazier Tharpe

Verdict: Watch

When: Thursdays at 9 p.m.

Where: The CW

Why: Pretty Little Liars and Game of Thrones are currently off air, so if you're looking for your fix of warring royals who can't keep it in their pants and starlets so gorgeous you can't be certain they're human, Reign is the next best thing. Now in the middle of its second season, Reign chronicles Mary, Queen of Scots' (Adelaide Kane) ascension to power. While Season 1 saw Mary dodging the French royalty's threats on her life, Season 2 sees the newly appointed Queen of France dealing with constant threats of being overthrown.

Of course, the series takes liberties with history for the sake of probably the sexiest sex scenes you'll ever see on network TV, but if you're currently studying for your European history final, the show is enough to help you ace it. —Tara Aquino

Tune in or tune out—that's the question.

The Walking Dead: Watch

Sons of Anarchy: Washed?

Homeland: Washed

Supernatural: Watch

Peaky Blinders: Watch