Cancellation Watch: Which of the New Fall TV Shows Will Go First?

Like characters in a murder mystery, many of the new shows of fall 2013 are not long for this world. Some will not live long enough to see 2014. In fact, one new network drama, Lucky 7, has already been canceled. An adaptation of a British show about unlucky lottery winners, it was the first of the season to go, canceled after just two episodes.

So, all of the shows discussed here can breathe easy. None can be the first to catch the axe. But they could be second, or third, or fourth.

We've selected only the iffiest of new television programs, and have stacked them up against each other. Which ones have a chance of making it to mid-season? Which ones won't make it past episode three?

The networks are in trouble. Many execs are nervous that Netflix and cable are taking all of the good, innovative dramas. Looking over the shows here, it seems like they have reason to worry. Many of the new shows this season are lacking. Welcome to the first round of Cancellation Watch.

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Number of episodes: 2
Ratings for debut: 9.4 (15.6 million viewers)
Stars: Robin Williams, Sarah Michelle Gellar, James Wolk, Amanda Setton, Hamish Linklater
Premise: Bouncing back after two divorces and a stint in rehab, the once-charming and confident yet kooky Simon Roberts (Robin Williams) returns to his corner office at a big time New York advertising agency.

Unfortunately, Simon and his fellow ad team at Roberts & Roberts are treading on thin ice. He's late for a meeting with their biggest client, and to make up for it, secretary Lauren Slotsky (Amanda Setton) has been flashing the McDonalds board for the past twenty minutes. Underappreciated copywriter Andrew Keanelly (Hamish Linklater) is grumbling that artistic director/office harlot Zach Cropper (James Wolk) gets all of the glory while Simon's hardworking daughter, Sydney Roberts (Sarah Michelle Gellar), tries to keep everything together. Sydney likes to play it safe and run the reliable pitches, but spontaneous Simon always manages to off the cuff and gets the team in way over their heads.

Prognosis: Yes, Simon Roberts is basically Robin Williams playing Robin Williams, but don't expect it to be a one-man show. He and co-star Wolk play well off of each other (watch the extras to see the meat jingle that made Kelly Clarkson laugh out loud). Gellar, meanwhile, does her best to reel Williams in so his spiels go on for just enough time to be funny but not too long that you want to throw your TV out the window.

Sometimes it feels like you're watching ABC Family when The Crazy Ones, created by David E. Kelley, overplays its sentimental keys. But the show also has enough self-awareness to call itself out, resulting in amusing situations like Kelly Clarkson bullying Sydney into belting a McDonalds jingle on top of a table at a posh restaurant. Setting the comedy at an ad agency is risky (cue the synchronized scoffs from all Mad Men fans), but the dialogue is smart and there are good character dynamics (we only wish there was a bit more substance to Lauren).

We dig it, and, based on that huge series premiere debut (15.6 million viewers), the rest of America does, too. It's not so crazy to think that Mr. Williams and company are in it for the long haul (read: at least one full season). —Arianna Friedman

Number of episodes: 2
Ratings for debut: 2.5 (7.9 million viewers)
Stars: Anna Faris, Allison Janney, Sadie Calvano, Nate Corddry, Matt Jones, French Stewart, Spencer Daniels, Blake Garrett Rosenthal
Premise: Christy (Anna Faris) isn't about to win any "Mother of the Year" awards. She's a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who's own personal demons keep interfering with her efforts to keep her 16-year-old daughter, Violet (Sadie Calvano) from becoming the next Wayward Christy. She's also a failure for Roscoe (Blake Garrett Rosenthal), the younger son she had with loser druggie Baxter (Matt Jones). And when she's not being an unfit mother, Christy is bumping uglies with her married boss, Gabriel (Nate Corddry), and trying not to slap the hell out of her similarly recovering narcotics abuser of a mom, Bonnie (Allison Janney). Somewhere in between all of this domestic misery, laughter ensues.

Prognosis: In the network television universe, executive producer extraordinaire Chuck Lorre is about as close as you'll come to a sure thing these days. A master of original sitcom creation at CBS, he's the megamind behind hits like Two and a Half Men, Mike & Molly, and The Big Bang Theory, shows that, even if you personally don't find them funny, consistently draw some of Nielsen's largest viewing numbers.

Simply put, whatever Lorre touches at CBS is gold, and Mom, the later Lorre product, has great potential to be the man's next big hit. Anna Faris is her usual charmingly neurotic self as Christy, playing nicely off of the always superb Allison Janney's equally unhinged performance. Mom's hilarity is still unproven, though, with its first two episodes suffering from an uneven blend of likable acting and rudimentary writing.

The show's second episode earned 7 million viewers, only a shade under the 7.4 put up by fellow CBS series 2 Broke Girls—those are solid stats for a rookie sitcom still figuring itself out. Expect Mom to corrupt your parenting beliefs for at least one whole season, barring any unfortunate detours into the 2 Broke Girls land of lazy and hideous offensiveness that inspire viewers to finally give Fox's big hit Sleepy Hollow a shot on Monday nights. —Matt Barone

Number of episodes: 2
Ratings for debut: 1.5 (5.29 million viewers)
Stars: Hannah Ware, Stuart Townsend, Chris Johnson, Wendy Moniz, Henry Thomas, Braeden Lemasters, Elizabeth McLaughlin, James Cromwell
Premise: A beautiful but unhappily married photographerm Sara Hanley (Hannah Ware) begins an affair with a charming well-to-do stranger, Jack McAllister (Stuart Townswend), only to find out that said stranger is married and is the defending lawyer in a murder case on which her husband (Chris Johnson) is the prospecutor. Think of it as Romeo and Juliet for people who enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey.

Prognosis: Hannah Ware and Stuart Townsend provide the standard eye candy of ABC Sunday primetime set by two shows before it, Desperate Housewives and Revenge. All you need is a libido and a mild interest in sexy lawyer shows to be intrigued by the first episode. If this is your shtick, it hooks you. The affair is set up and so is the murder, which may or may not have been committed by Jack's mentally challenged adopted brother T.J. (laughably played by Henry Thomas). It certainly doesn't help their case that T.J.'s father is a known business mogul with criminal side dealings, Thatcher Karsten (James Cromwell) and the victim is his Uncle Lou, whom the family had a financial disagreement with.

The second episode follows suit, kicking off with a sultry Jessie Ware song (a nod to Hannah's singer-songwriter sister), that dips its whole foot into the lives of the main characters. Oh, and the will-they-wont-they-again shtick begins between Sara and Jack, as it becomes clear who's who and how this can totally fuck both their lives. But that's about as deep as it goes.

If there's anything that will be the kiss of death for Betrayal, it's the show's predictability. Everything is familiar to viewers who've read romance novels or watched Unfaithful—the unhappy marriage, the secret rendesvous, the search for evidence to crucify the murderer. It's been done before. As of now, chances of renewal depend on whether or not viewers and the studio are willing to wait for Betrayal to show us something new. -TA

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 3.2 (8.2 million viewers)
Stars: Rebel Wilson, Lauren Ash, Liza Lapira, Kevin Bishop, Kate Jenkinson
Premise: Three nerdy friends, led by an inexplicably successful lawyer, Kimmie (Rebel Wilson), vow to live their lives to the fullest by going out every single weekend. The only problem is that they're all socially inept: Kimmie's got paralyzing shyness, Marika (Lauren Ash) is an unwittingly intimidating man-lady, and Helen-Alice (Liza Lapira) is a mousey Asian stereotype. Rounding out the cast are Kevin Bishop as Richard, Kimmie's immature but cute boss, and Kate Jenkinson as Kendall, Kimmie's ruthless, gold-digging co-worker.

Prognosis: If the fact that the pilot was nixed (because it was that shitty) in favor of premiering with the second episode is any indication, the show is a mess. The jokes are bland and watered-down studio-safe. The first "Friday Fun Night" the girls have is at a piano bar, of all the places in NYC, where Kendall and Kimmie have a contrived sing-off that's more cringeworthy than funny.

You can't help but wish the show was picked up by FX or Comedy Central. Rebel Wilson isn't that type to improvise PC jokes. What makes her great is her uncensored comedy (see: Bridesmaids and Pitch Perfect), which is evidently suppressed on the ABC sitcom. But keep her at bay, and the cancellation is only a matter of time. —Tara Aquino

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 1.4 (6.8 million viewers)
Stars: Blair Underwood, Kenneth Choi, Brent Sexton, Pablo Schreiber, Spencer Grammer, Neal Bledsoe
Premise: Robert Ironside (Blair Underwood) has a problem. A tough member of the NYPD, he's got a problem with crime. Out in these streets solving these crimes, he's got a problem with his colorful cast of supporting cops, as they're never as quick as he is. He's got a problem because his partner accidentally shot him and now he's in a wheelchair, unable to use his legs.

Prognosis: This show is very bad. The trailer looks like an SNL parody as it attempts to find the cool in a rugged handicapped cop on network TV, and speaking intelligently for a second, that's where the show's problems come from. Like the dopey criminals Ironside runs into, the ones who make fun of his handicap, the show treats the viewer like he or she needs instruction in respecting this cop. And so they go to great lengths to show you that he's still a man, even without the use of his legs. He still bags hotties, still roughs up child molesters, still has piercing insight into the criminal psyche, like a sweaty Vincent D'Onofrio on that Law and Order spinoff that isn't a sports utility vehicle. He's a supercop, but he's also sad-angry about being shot by his partner! Cue the angry exercise montage! Everything about this show happens right on the surface, with nothing you could mistake for depth. During the angry exercise montage, the lyrics of the accompanying song go, "There's a demon inside me/Can I kill it? Hell nah." A crime show that takes the guesswork out of understanding, well, everything, that's no fun.

Note: Ironside debuted on NBC to the lowest ratings ever for a new fall drama. So there's that consolation prize.—Ross Scarano

Number of episodes: 2
Ratings for debut: 2.2 (8 million viewers)
Stars: Maggie Lawson, James Caan, Griffin Gluck, Ben Koldyke, Lenors Crichlow, Cooper Roth, J.J. Totah, Kennedy Waite
Premise: Terry Gannon, a recently divorced woman (Maggie Lawson), and her son Danny (Griffin Gluck) leave Michigan and reluctantly move in with her father "The Cannon" (James Caan). She resents her father and blames him for her being damaged. (He took her to Mexico and left her with a team mascot while he was in jail when she was younger and later he failed to go to her college baseball games). After Danny fails to make his school baseball team Terry decides to become the coach for the league of misfits that didn't make the team despite wanting to forget baseball. Now Terry must wrestle living with her dad, being a mom, and playing coach.

Prognosis: Lawson and Caan make for a great team. The scenes they share together are smart and funny when they're not sweet and touching. Cannon became a single dad when his wife passed away and her memory is still present. We also see Terry deal with being a single parent, but she doesn't come off as a victim. Instead she steps up to the plate and is a strong single mother trying to make things better for her kid. (Even if that requires her being a sleazy car salesman to get money for an apartment).

Caan shines as the beer-toting, unapologetic wiseass. He's funny in large part because of the ridiculous nature of his character—at one point he yells, "Raccoon, lunch!" before feeding a sandwich to a raccoon trapped in his wall. The show does stumble when it lazily relies on racism and stereotypes for laughs. Caan jokes about a Spanish kid climbing a fence, shouting "Amigo! Down! You're in America already." Get it, he's old and racist. Hilarious.

There are a few things about the show that project longevity, so here's hoping it doesn't strike out. —Debbie Encalada

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 1.6 (4.9 million viewers)
Stars: Sean Hayes, Linda Lavin, Samantha Isler, Thomas Lennon, Megan Hilty, Echo Kellum, Vik Sahay
Premise: Sean's (Sean Hayes) world is flipped around when he is dumped by the love of his life and his online retail company is bought up, leaving him at the mercy of his new boss Howard (Vik Sahay), a manipulative robot. Oh, and his 14-year-old daughter, Ellie (Samantha Isler) has just moved in to his New York apartment after her mother abandoned her. How can Sean please his asshole boss by working late each night and get home to make chicken parm for a teenage daughter he knows almost nothing about? Thankfully, Sean isn't doing it alone—his mother Lorna (Linda Lavin) is there to help with a sarcastic remark or two, and Sean's office pals Liz (Megan Hilty) and Hunter (Echo Kellum) have his back.

Prognosis: Victor Fresco's Sean Saves the World seems to have all of the tried and true character components in place—the bad guy boss, the quirky coworkers, the tough-love mother—but there's still something askew (maybe it's the laugh track). Hayes has good timing and great delivery, but it's not enough to carry the single parenting shtick. If the show wants us to care about the characters (Sean's recent heartbreak, Ellie's buried emotional issues), there needs to be more energetic interactions between characters because slinging one-liners at each other doesn't cut it. We're willing to wait to see how Sean develops, but if it wants to outlast the rest of the family-centric sitcoms, it's going to have to work harder. —Debbie Encalada

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 3.3 (13.2 million viewers)
Stars: Will Arnett, Beau Bridges, Margo Martindale, J.B. Smoove, Jayma Mays, Nelson Franklin, Eve Moon
Premise: Nathan Miller (Will Arnett) is a local news reporter and a recent divorcee excited to explore bachelorhood with his cameraman and best friend Ray (J.B. Smoove). But when he breaks the news to his parents, Tom Miller (Beau Bridges) and Carol Miller (Margo Martindale), Nathan's kooky father finds it a perfect opportunity to end his 43-year marriage. Tom decides to move in with his unamused daughter, Debbie (Jayma Mays), her husband, Adam (Nelson Franklin), and daughter Mikayla (Eve Moon). Carol, to Nathan's misery, decides to move in with her bachelor son.

Prognosis: The Millers, right now, smells strongly of industrial strength plastic, a freshly packaged copyrighted product of the CBS corporation. The pilot plays as a fill-in-the-blanks within a plot that is familiarly sitcom-level zany. Nathan and Ray's chemistry as good friends and reporter/cameraman team is energetic and believable but that's because Will Arnett and JB Smoove are very funny guys, barely lifting this show into watchability...barely.

The writers aren't even trying with the Tom and Carol characters. Tom is a middle-aged moronic husband is a walking gag, and, as you can guess, all the scribes have to do is make him into a total idiot or an infant. They chose 55-year-old infant.

Things Tom does: tries to cook metal soup can in a microwave, doesn't know how to work a remote (they stretch the remote joke for longer than you'd ever think possible) can't locate his glasses because he's unaware that it sits on his head, and so on. He's going to do a lot of inexplicably stupid things to set off the laughtrack more often, and annoy the crap out of you. Carol, Nathan's mother, farts in the episode. Moving on. Nathan's sister has her own family (mostly serving as an elaborate vehicle for more unfunny about Daddy goes the darndest things reel) and already we don't care.

We're not quite sure what she and her husband, Adam, do. The quick-witted daughter comes standard. Salvaging this mess, however, are clips of Nathan's local news reporting. They're actually funny but they last for ten seconds at a time. For the other 20 minutes we're stuck with the family sitcom starter kit of a show, complete with a mother walking through her son's grown-up party in pajamas carrying a bucket of ice cream and spatula scene. Next episode, we predict Tom will wear shoes on the wrong feet. Fingers crossed. —Frantz Rocher

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 2.0 (6.4 million viewers)
Stars: Kal Penn, Chris Smith, Jerry O'Connell, Tony Shalhoub, Rebecca Breeds
Premise: After a bad breakup, Carter (Christopher Nicholas Smith) moves into an L.A. apartment complex where he befriends three douchebags wild and crazy guys, all single and looking to mingle. And if he can mingle enough, Carter's funk will be lifted and he will be whole again!

Prognosis: Alternate titles for We Are Men: We Are Men, and So We Will Make Bad Jokes About Women and Our Desire to Hump Them; We Are Men, and If You Mistake Us For the Kind of Guys Who Might Roofie Someone, It Was All in the Name of a Good Chuckle; We Are Men, But We Never Said Anything About Being Funny.

The latest CBS show to traffic in jokes about how men are brainless humping machines and women are, well, whatever who cares about women, We Are Men will not make it to a second season, mark these words. If it does, that means the world wants to see Jerry O'Connell reprising his role from Piranha 3D; that means that the world thinks jokes from Tony Shalhoub's character about Asian women are anything other than deeply creepy; that means that the world isn't a place worth saving. Don't help these men. Instead, vanquish these men. —Ross Scarano

Number of episodes: 1
Ratings for debut: 1.1 (2.9 million viewers)
Stars: Mike O'Malley, Mary McCormack, Ella Rae Peck, Joey Haro, Ricardo Chavira, Justina Machado
Premise: High school graduates Junior Hernandez (Joseph Haro) and Molly Yoder (Ella Rae Peck) find out they're going to be parents. After deciding they're keeping the baby and forfeiting all of their future plans they must now tell their own folks. A culture clash ensues once the Hernandezes and the Yoders are forced to become one big happy family.

Prognosis: Welcome to the Family could easily be written off as another generic feel-good family comedy that pales in comparison to Modern Family, but it makes you want to root for it, not because it's an underdog, but because it has potential.

The show has a great cast, including Mike O' Malley as Dan Yoder and Ricardo Chavira as Miguel Hernandez, whose sometimes child-like rivalry propels the show. However, the show's writing fails miserably. Junior and Molly are two-dimensional: beauty and the geek. He was a valedictorian headed to Stanford, while she scraped by in high school and continues to play the ditz. (She mistakes "patriarchic" for "parochial.") Everything Junior says belongs in a Hallmark card or on a bumper sticker. Eye-roll-inducing moments included: Junior's hasty proposal, Molly's attempts at feminism, and the Yoders' numerous comments about Molly's "stupidity." No need to hit us over the head with it.

Since this was only the pilot there's hope the writers will turn things around, or maybe upside down? (Spoiler Alert: The episode ends with Molly's mom looking at a pregnancy test). —Arianna Friedman

Number of episodes: 2
Ratings for debut: 2.1/7 (5.6 million viewers)
Stars: Seth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Brenda Song, Tonita Castro, Vanessa Lachey, Peter Riegert, Martin Mull
Premise: Eli (Seth Green) and Warner (Giovanni Ribisi) are just a couple of fun-loving video game developers trying to live normal lives, Eli as a bachelor and Warner as a happily married man. But things are about to get wacky (emphasis on the "wack") now that they're annoying, sad sack fathers have moved in with them—Eli's pops, David (Peter Reigert), is generally insufferable, while Warner's, Craword (Martin Mull), is a well-meaning racial bigot. Cue the awkward and box father/son bonding time, with as many Asian stereotypes (mostly at the expense of the guys' cute assistant, played by Brenda Song) as can fit within an episode's 30-minute duration.

Prognosis: Even though it's technically not Seth MacFarlane's show (it's overseen by MacFarlane's Family Guy cohorts Wellesley Wild and Alec Sulkin), Dads wouldn't exist without MacFarlane's tangential involvement. Meaning, it's in the same league as American Dad and The Cleveland Show, albeit live-action here. And if anyone has carte blanche at the Fox network, it's the guy responsible for the Nielsen juggernaut Family Guy.

Thus, you'd think Dads would at least make it to the end of one complete season. But, according to Deadline, those first-week ratings numbers (a 2.1/7 in adults ages 18-49) put it on par with ABC's Work It, the sitcom in which two dudes dressed as women to land stable jobs. No, Work It is no longer on the air—in fact, it only lasted six episodes. Also of note: Dads dropped 13% in week two, to 1.3/4, implying that viewers are starting to agree with all of the show's viciously negative reviews and charges of rampant, unintelligent, and crass insensitivity.

If the ratings keep dipping, don't expect Dads to infect Tuesday night programming for an entire season. Not even a heavyhitter like Seth MacFarlane can convince network execs to keep airing a show that everyone hates and hardly anyone watches. —Matt Barone