City Guide's Semi-Annual Mugshot Hall of Fame

Mugshots are a step beyond those horrendous yearbook photos that you never live down. They literally capture people at their lowest—in some cases, people are paying the price for being on their worst behavior; in others, they simply look their worst. Either way, the arrests that yield mugshots result in lasting, public shame and embarrassment.

Occasionally, mugshots are so amazingly bad that they have to be shared. Sometimes, it's what the subjects are wearing; other times, it's what they aren't wearing. Regardless, they're worthy of endless gawking. For this reason, City Guide has compiled its semi-annual mugshot hall of fame. This is partially for your amusement, and partially to motivate everyone to never end up like these people.

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Date: 1/20/2014
Charge: Criminal Impersonation
Location: Penfield, N.Y.

Arnold, 27, was arrested in January for crashing a vehicle while driving drunk, then pretending to be the passenger instead of the driver. Some mugshots you just don't forget-this is one of them.

Date: 2/14/2014
Charge: Possession of drug paraphernalia
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Why's Diaz so surprised? Perhaps someone reminded the 40-year-old that her February drug-related arrest was her third since November. That look on her face is the horror of reality setting in.

Date: 2/20/2014
Charge: Battery and criminal mischief
Location: Deerfield Beach, Fla.

Cesar, who looks like a surprised Wesley Snipes, was arrested for attacking a woman who refused to give him gas money or sex. After kicking her car several times, he attempted to flee, but a Broward County Sheriff's Office deputy caught up to him and brought him back to the scene of the crime where he was identified by the victim.

Date: 2/21/2014
Charge: Active, extraditable warrant
Location: Ocala, Fla.

When Anthony Cifuentes showed up at a dollar store wearing a business suit, bike helmet, and blue face paint, people became suspicious. When authorities arrived, they learned that the 37-year-old had an active, extraditable warrant. He ended up in Marion County Jail wearing that blue face paint, and no one knows why he opted for blue face paint (or any face paint, for that matter), or wore that look of agony.

Date: 2/24/2014
Charge: Drug possession; possession of drug paraphernalia
Location: La Grange Highlands, Ill.

What are the odds of a man who ran a meth lab out of his home getting arrested while wearing a Breaking Bad-inspired t-shirt? The lab that 21-year-old Daniel Kowalski created wasn't active at the time of his arrest, but police found dozens of jars of psychedelic mushrooms. Gus Fring would've been more discrete, bro. Just sayin...

Date: 2/26/2014
Charge: Breach of peach; public indecency; risk of injury to a minor
Location: Stamford, Conn.

Michael Luecke, 72, was arrested and fired from his substitute teacher position at Westhill High School after he was allegedly caught masturbating in the hallway. That's vile, but the question is how did he lose his shirt and end up with that vest on?

Date: 3/1/2014
Charge: Marijuana possession
Location: Miami

Gerrine Garrett's arrest for marijuana possession takes a back seat to her earrings, which steal the show here. Trust issues aside, she's a real character.

Date: 3/5/2014
Charge: Cruelty to animals; sex with animals; illegal possession of a firearm
Location: Tampa, Fla.

Marsonek, 57, was arrested after neighbors found him having sex with a pit bull in his front yard. The Tampa Police Department and Hillsborough County Animal Services eventually found eight pit bulls, a gun, and ammunition inside of the convicted felon's home.

Date: 3/15/2014
Charge: Attempted murder; aggravated battery with a deadly weapon; aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
Location: Palm Coast, Fla.

The 37-year-old caused a disturbance at a Florida bar after threatening patrons with an Uzi while dressed like Rambo. Two brave men took him down, wrestling the weapon away from him and literally leaving their marks on his face.

Date: 3/14/2014
Charge: Aggravated assault
Location: New Castle, Pa.

Lisa Jones-Orock wore the hard night she had on her face in her mugshot. Police were summoned to the apartment that Jones-Orock shares with her husband, Gerald Orock, and found the man bleeding from defensive wounds to his arms and hands. The crotch area of his pants had also been sliced open. Her husband said she tried to slice his penis off with a box cutter, but she claimed he attacked her. They both ended up in handcuffs when it was all said and done.

Date: 3/25/2014
Charge: DUI and narcotic possession
Location: Farmington, Utah

Christopher Reeves—not to be confused with the late Christopher Reeve—was arrested in March for driving under the influence with a large bag of meth in his vehicle. From the looks of his mugshot, he's quite self-aware.

Date: 3/30/2014
Charge: DUI; reckless endangerment; strangulation; harassment
Location: Corvalis, Ore.

Ross McMakin, 21, drove drunk, hit a tree, then hit his girlfriend, all while wearing a t-shirt that read "Drunk as Shit." This was an easy one for police.

Date: 4/16/2014
Charge: Lewd or lascivious exhibition
Location: West Palm Beach, Fla.

"City Pimp" mistakenly believed that laying in front of a Walgreen's with his pants around his knees and genitals out in the open for the world to see would be enticing. In his mugshot, he looks to be giving the camera some serious side-eye with an extra dose of sass. Either that, or he's not conscious and being propped up by strings.

Date: 4/22/2014
Charge: Gun possession; introducing contraband to a penal facility
Location: Kingsport, Tenn.

It's enough that corrections officers found a handgun protruding from Archer's vagina as she was being booked, but the nonchalant look and sloppiest of IDGAF buns take it to the next level. Caring might have actually saved her.

Date: 4/22/2014
Charge: Endangering a child
Location: Humble, Texas

Grohman, 29, was so drunk that she knocked over the stroller she was pushing, causing her one-month-old to fall out into the street. No one knows why she's playing peek-a-boo in her mugshot, or who she's playing it with.

Date: 5/2/2014
Charge: Contempt of court
Location: St. John's County, Fla.

The 25-year-old Johnson, who was charged with contempt of court, had the misfortune of having a horrendous hair day when the took this picture. It's an '80s hair band disaster, and, worse, she knows it.

Date: 5/6/2014
Charge: Shooting into an occupied vehicle
Location: Lake Wales, Fla.

The name says it all. Metheney was arrested for firing a BB rifle at a vehicle carrying three minors, including her boyfriend's daughter. Her intentions remain unknown, but the act violated state statute 790.19, which includes the following: "Shooting into or throwing deadly missiles into dwellings, public or private buildings, occupied or not occupied; vessels, aircraft, buses, railroad cars, streetcars, or other vehicles." The expression on her face in the mugshot suggests she knows better.

Date: 5/28/2014
Charge: Dangerous drug
Location: St. John's County, Fla.

First off, no, that's not DMX. It's Toney Lee Dennis, 35, who was arrested for drug possession in Florida in May. Dead. Fucking. Ringer.

Date: 5/28/2014
Charge: Cocaine selling
Location: St. John's County, Fla.

Smiley's mugshot is comically ironic considering her last name. Then again, who gets busted for selling cocaine and laughs about it?

Date: 6/6/2014
Charge: Theft of under $100; disorderly conduct and destruction of property less than $1,000
Location: Prince Frederick, Md.

Don't let his first and middle names fool you, this man is no icon. He showed up at a Subway wasted (wearing nothing but shorts and socks), tried to steal candy, then ripped a phone out of a wall after he was hauled off to jail. One question: Who or what is supporting him in his mugshot?

Date: 6/16/2014
Charge: Aggravated assault
Location: Port St. Lucie, Fla.

The 56-year-old Highley was arrested for threatening a 25-year-old man with a knife after he rejected her sexual advances. Sadly, she photographs about as well as she handles rejection.

Date: 6/19/2014
Charge: Felon in possession of a weapon
Location: Stockton, Calif.

Meeks, better known as Notorious B.A.E. to a legion of misguided women, was arrested last month on a gun charge. The convicted felon was indicted last week after being a convicted possession of a firearm, and faces up to 10 years behind bars. This concerns both he and his wife far more than the women who adore him.