Ben Carson, noted fan of police brutality jokes and connoisseur of ludicrous Hitler comparisons, is still running for president. Though his only real competition is El Chapo's favorite candidate Donald Trump, he's clearly putting in the hours necessary to outdo Trump's endless projectile vomit of outlandish remarks by providing his own distinct brand of outlandishness. Carson's latest concoction somehow manages to include Popeye's, guns, and an apparent dislike for fast food cashiers.
"I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeye's organization,” the sponge-dropping neurosurgeon told Karen Hunter on Sirius XM Radio on Wednesday. “Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said ‘I believe that you want the guy behind the counter." Of course, this relatively anticlimactic tale comes days after Carson shared his baffling thoughts on the frequency of mass shootings in America. "Not only would I probably not cooperate with [the gunman]," Carson told Fox News. "I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, 'Hey, guys, everybody attack him!' He may shoot me but he can't get us all."
With its usual heroism and admirable immediacy, Twitter has definitely delivered on its unspoken promise to provide the greatest commentary of all time whenever politicians say or do anything:
Though Trump may prove to be his greatest hurdle in the Republican circus, Carson's most diligent enemy is very likely his own equally ridiculous rhetoric.