Though it’s easy to give Florida an endless amount of shit for its equally endless display of downright Floridian ridiculousness, such mockery often leaves little time for the true harbinger of such nonsense: Alabama. In September, a circuit judge by the name of Marvin Wiggins was recorded giving a mandate to apparent offenders in court when he suggested they give a quick pint of blood for an easy discount on their increasingly ludicrous fines.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," Wiggins is heard saying in the tape obtained by the Southern Poverty Law Center by way of Carl Crocker. "There’s a blood drive outside, and if you don’t have any money and don’t want to go to jail, as an option to pay, you can give blood today. If you do not have any money, go out there and give blood and bring in a receipt indicating that you did give blood. Consider that a discount."
Alabama, as John Oliver and countless others have frequently informed the other states currently occupying America, is certainly no stranger to forcing indigent people to miraculously inspire money to materialize before them so as to avoid jail time for ridiculous low-level offenses. However, just outright asking for someone’s blood seems to be a new one. According to Gawker, LifeSouth Community Blood Centers (also known for losing an expensive lawsuit regarding their alleged distribution of HIV-positive blood) has promptly discarded "nearly all" of the units collected during Wiggins' impromptu blood drive.