The illusion of late night talk shows is most easily shattered whenever there is a particularly pressing live event worth immediate discussion, as their participation in such discussion can't even begin until most people have already starting moving on to the next water cooler moment. We won't spend time here debating whether or not people actually discuss things at or otherwise near water coolers, but we will spend time discussing resident man child Donald Trump.
Shattered illusions aside, fresh Late Show host and Run the Jewels historian Stephen Colbert has been exponentially increasing his Trump-jokes-per-hour rate ahead of the ill-haired Republican hopeful's visit on September 22. Though Colbert made a concentrated effort at spreading the mockery across all 11 candidates who graced CNN's slightly melodramatic debate stage on Wednesday, he kept his comedic focus aimed squarely at Trump's repeated use of playground bully insult tactics.
Specifically referencing Trump's counterproductive response to Rand Paul's admittedly futile attempt at confronting the former reality star about his "visceral response to attack people on their appearance," Colbert heroically unloaded a trio of vivid descriptions of Trump's appearance. "That’s a good dig by a man who looks like a microwave circus peanut," Colbert confirms. Thankfully, Colbert's political poetry also includes the downright Shakespearean descriptions "honey-glazed tiger testicle" and "catheter bag full of candy corn."