Doja Cat, who peaked at No. 2 on the Billboard 200 chart this year with Planet Her, says her music career isn’t always easy to enjoy anymore.

During a recent Instagram Live stream, the 26-year-old “Say So” rapper and singer said she has felt “pressured” and hasn’t had an opportunity to make music for fun for years.

“And I mean make music like willy nilly, like just have fun and just jam and make some shit. I haven’t done that in maybe five years, feels like,” she said. “I’m doing all this shit that I don’t fucking wanna do. I don’t wanna take fucking pictures. Like, yes…planning a photoshoot is very fun. Capturing a concept, capturing a visual idea, like something like that, I love fashion, I do. I really do. I love to dress up, I love all that shit. Do I wanna do that shit because I have to? No! No, I don’t.”

She added, “But I feel pressured to do shit like that. I don’t fucking wanna do that. I wanna be home. … I wanna make music, I wanna play fucking video games.” 

Even amid intense “pressure” in her career, she’s made major strides in the music industry in the last couple years, even surpassing Drake as the rapper with the most monthly Spotify listeners in October. At the American Music Awards this month, she picked up the Favorite R&B Album, Favorite Female R&B Artist, and Collaboration of the Year awards. 

Doja has always been very open with her fans, and recently admitted she’s become more careful about who she’s collaborating with. “I do wanna be more choosy about what I’m doing because I feel like a lot of features are coming out and it feels like people are just getting on each other’s songs for the sake of having them on each other’s songs,” she said. “I want to be really careful about that.”