The Weeknd is purported by people who write about other people's private lives for a living to have been at least vaguely romantically linked with equally high-profile human beings. Most recently, you—whether you'll publicly admit it now or not—will recall that Weeknd's name appeared alongside Selena Gomez and Bella Hadid in a number of journalism-redefining articles.

But now that the Starboy era is over, we make way for the latest chapter in the evolution of the Weeknd: My Dear Melancholy,. The new six-song project dropped Friday, and amazingly no one is spending their time trying to figure out which lines, if any, are about Selena Gomez and/or Bella Hadid. Just kidding. Not only is that happening, we're about to make it happen again right here.

Opener "Call Out My Name" sees Weeknd pondering a dead relationship that, despite its relative one-sidedness, has had a lasting impact on him. In fact, he may even miss this person from time to time. To hear the church of E! preach it, that person is Selena Gomez. You decide:

We found each other
I helped you out of a broken place
You gave me comfort
But falling for you was my mistake

It's also suggested he sang about almost giving Selena his kidney:

I said I didn't feel nothing, baby, but I lied
I almost cut a piece of myself for your life

The next track, "Try Me," is a classic example of someone trying to reignite an old flame using copious amounts of fire. Though there's not necessarily anything here that would link the lyrics to anyone specific, I'm going to paste a few lines here anyway. They're adaptable to whatever circumstance you choose:

You're lookin' grown since the last time I looked at you
It might have been, been about a couple months
But I just got the picture that you texted to me
You ain't steady, you look ready to go all the way
If you let me take you down on me

Both "Wasted Times" and "I Was Never There" are largely similarly open-ended, though it's hard not to 🤔at this line from "Wasted Times":

You were equestrian, so ride it like a champion
This sex will get you high without no other substance

As you've likely seen splattered all over Twitter by now, the "equestrian" bit is most likely a Bella Hadid reference. Hadid once planned to compete in Olympic equestrian events, but was ultimately forced to abandon those plans due to Lyme disease.

Close

After "Hurt You" hits you with a Gesaffelstein-assisted journey of eschewing romantic connections outright, Weeknd closes with the Peaches-referencing red pill anthem "Privilege." Here, he looks back on the time he spent holding someone through a period of suffering:

Enjoy your privileged life
Cause I'm not gonna hold you through the night
We said our last goodbyes
So, let's just try to end it with a smile
And I don't wanna hear that you are suffering
You are suffering no more
Cause I held you down when you were suffering
You were suffering

My Dear Melancholy, is additionally notable for the fact that it arrives after a flurry of articles, written by me, in which the very idea of articles written by me is called into question. Genius shit. It's also a great project to pair with the similarly emotive 2012 Say Anything album Anarchy, My Dear. Hell, Abel should bring them out on the road later this year and call it the Anarchy, My Dear Melancholy Tour. I would attend no less than all of the stops.