An old bard has knocked on the city gates once again after being exiled in the past due to extreme fuckery. One hears that the old bard goes by the name of Lupe Fiasco and this time around returns with humility as his accompaniment. O' how the troubles of paying a bill can humble even the best of us! So much swagger to cop. A new hustle is needed. So the bard chose to hustle the rest of us.
SMFH if any of you playas are even thinkin about paying $500 to see the dictionary rearranged in a unique way. Please leave and unplug ya damn computer. Let me set something straight about what this really is, playas. You see, if you want to have sex and feel loved, you only have two options, playboy: 1. Smooth talk yaself into a lover or 2: Pull out the Big Ben$ and pay for a pretender. SIMPLE. Anybody who pays for an ode to themselves definitely has a few jewels loose in they crown chakra.
This guy Lupe really tried using the Socratic method to ask his followers, "You can always get Jordan's and weed, but your very own personal verse tho?" Weed or jordans with the $500? Chahaha, you damn right, dummy. $500 worth of weed will fill up 500 Mead composition notebooks with personal fuckin' verses. $500 worth of weed will turn Alabama's own Rob Harley into Jamaica's beloved Bob Marley. One love. $500 worth of weed is enough for a playa to freestyle 'til his fuckin' face falls off. $500 worth of weed definitely wrote at least one of the Beatles' classic Abbey Road albums. So yes, Mr. Fiasco, you can buy $500 worth of weed and you probably should buy $500 worth of weed before you drop it on ol' boy at the corner store with his brand new Glossy Front Mixtape™. Shit, $500 worth of weed is probably what made yo last album sound good to ya homies. Just saying. I ain't really tryna talk about J's though 'cause a McKinley only gets you one Jordan on the black market in 2k14 after the bots rape and pillage Eastbay. And not like one pair, fam. Like, right or left? Your call.
If the spooky triumvirate of MJ, Elvis and Bach turned up to turn up in the stu on a collabo double disk feature with 100+ hours of footage and signed posters for the One Direction wall in ya room, only about 1 out of 500 of you playboys would even consider paying $500 for the drop. Most of you would just go surfin' in Pirate Bay the next day tryna cop. SIMPLE. But, like I always say, y'all, it's ya hard earned money and if you want some dude to grunt ya name 500 times on a track for 500 U.S. Fucking Dollars, do what you gotta to do you, John.
Scooby Wu is a private investigator usually seen sauntering in the streets of London and pissing on the doorstep of 221B Baker St. London NW1 6XE England. You can troll him in the comments below and follow him on Twitter here.
