A few of you Internet surfin' playas have probably seen this image circulate in the past 24 hours. To cop or not to cop may have even started to percolate. So I will speak candidly of the matter with an unbiased opinion, using straightforward bars and honesty without hate. Creation in life takes many years to contemplate, so when this image surfaced yesterday we redacted our initial reaction and used the rest of the day to meditate.
PSYCH. LMAO. SMFH. WTF is this bullshit? Do they make you levitate? Hello, Mr. Giuseppe Zanotti, wtf is this bullshit? I heard you have created this shoe out of a surge of futuristic orgasmic inspiration from Kid Cudi's style and thats really cool and all, but wtf is this bullshit? I will be the first to admit that sometimes I get inspired when I watch The Jetsons too, bruh bruh, but wtf is this bullshit? You probably designed Kid Cudi's new Adult Mouth™ too, bruh bruh. Haha chachacha. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Is that bullshit?
Maybe I'm not looking at the shoe correctly and maybe my 13" MacBook does not have enough resolution to reveal these sacred feet protectors in their full heavenly glory. However, as far as I can tell, these joints are wack. It's wack in the thumbnail, Mr. Zanotti, and it's wack in fullscreen, Mr. Zanotti, and it's even wack on the iMac too, Mr. Zanotti. I hope you can find it in your heart to make these joints ultra rare. I'm talkin' 1 of 1 type of rarity, Mr. Zanotti, cuz I definitely don't wanna see your alcohol impaired decisions impair the whole gotdamn culture. In fact, make that 1 of 2, Mr. Zanotti, because I'm gonna need a pair just to see how wack they look life-sized. They will probably look very 2050 futuristic on my feet when I kick someone's ass into outer space for wearing these fuckin' struggle boy space cadet shoes. The good thing about these shoes is that they kinda look like Ali's gloves. So, if you happen to misplace your foot in someone's ass, you can make it back to ya corner safely without calling a podiatrist.
But honestly, ma mans Giuseppe, don't play yaself, homie. Somebody got you gassed up forreal forreal. Don't you know how many hours have been spent learning and practicing the art of tying shoes? How many Boy Scouts have sworn on their grandma's grave not to show others the top secret bunny ears knot? This whole country was basically built on said knot, my good man, and here you go disabling us with a fuckin' velcro strapped orthopedic blowup mattress disguised as footwear. If any of you readers are 180 months or older and need these simple ass shoes to make your life easier, GTFOH. If you even clicked on this because you thought these looked hot, GTFOH. That's red you see on the screen playas, NOT la flame. Fam, these the Fingerpainting XI's.
I know some of you computer cultured contrarians may be thinking that this is that new luxury high-fashion, outer space tinfoil durag, new age advanced feet covering jawn and that I am just a bitter dinosaur in new balance 574s. And you just might be fucking right, fuccbois, and these red air mattresses you cherish so much may certainly be the shoes of the future. However, I can definitely assure you with all of my money on the line, that presently, I am not wearing these fuckin' joints. AT ALL. I've seen the future and it looks like kindergarten.
P.S. Kid Cudi wears crop tops and I hope he gets pregnant.
Scooby Wu is a private investigator usually seen sauntering in the streets of London and pissing on the doorstep of 221B Baker St. London NW1 6XE England. You can troll him in the comments below and follow him on Twitter here.
