Image via Complex Original
It’s not every day you get an assignment like this. WWD, The Cut, T Magazine, y'all are so jelly of me right now. What is this dream job? Interviewing Kanye? On location high stakes gambling on unicorn fights with Michael Jordan? Nah, son. TRY PERUSING THE INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT OF GUY FIERI'S NEPHEW. Yeah. That Guy Fieri. And, let's be clear, yung Jules Fieri is out here living, spending cash, flossing birthday presents and taking selfies with his bottom bitches. SHIT IS WILD. TROPHIES. Donkey Sauce money long, providing for a whole clique of Fieris. Of course, being the consummate adult I am, I'm taking this opportunity to slanderize what looks to be a 14-year-old’s Instagram account, but not before throwing baby Jules some knowledge 'zerts I think will help him later in life.
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"Still doin it evryday! Gotta stay crisp."
Wow. Ironing your money? WHAT VIDEO DID YOU SEE THIS IN BECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE TAKING THE CONCEPT OF MONEY LAUNDERING A LITTLE TOO LITERALLY. Also, if it’s tens and twenties they have to be in a giant roll and you have to caption it "Strip club money". You only iron hundos, Jules.
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"Birthday money #thankseverybody #richgang #stacksonstacksonstacks"
BIRTHDAY GUAP! BIRTHDAY GUAP! HOMEBOY GOT 530 BONES FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. GODDAMNIT, CAN ANY FIERIS OUT THERE ADOPT YA BOY? Shouts to Guy's son, Hunter, for asking how much he got like a true gauche motherfucker. DAD WOULD BE SO PROUD.
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"New kicks #creative#recreation#shoes#blackandred#hellasick#like"
CREATIVE RECREATION SHOES ARE NOT COOL. WHAT ARE THESE? THEY LOOK LIKE THE ILL CHINESE JORDAN BOOTLEGS YOU CAN ONLY GET IN THE MAINLAND BECAUSE THEY ARE SUCH POOR COPIES THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY A COMPLETELY NEW DESIGN. You need a new group of friends/followers, Jules. Who the fuck is ChrisJohnson23 saying he got the same shoes EXCEPT HIS ARE SIGNED BY THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS? FUCK YOU, CHRIS JOHNSON, TRYNA STUNT ON JULES' FEED. PICS OR GTFO WITH THAT #HARLEMGLOBETROTTERS BULLSHIT, BRO.
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"All time favorite pair of J's #jordan #retro #spizike #easter #spikelee #jumpman #freshtodeath #shoeporn #levels #blessed"
Um, are these even real Jordans? I’ve seriously never seen this make. However, I don’t really rock Jordans that much because LINES. I mean, these kinda look like Legos. Then again, your uncle made millions of dollars eating at shitty restaurants and wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head so what the fuck do I know about anything?
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"New Jordan TR '97 #blackandblue #fresh"
These are the other pair of Jordans you use to power flex on Insta? BREDS OR GTFO. AMIRITE. INTERNET? Or some other pair that, like, 25 people have digitally agreed is the cool Jordan. You know your Jordan taste level is hovering between sus and mad corny when wyanlikesjordans just drops the “Ewwwwwwwww” comment.
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"Drake and my uncle cooking together!!! Drake is on the phoen talking to me in this pic!#drake#ymcmb#awesome#crazy#ididntnowhattosay#insane#pimp!!!"
Just two bros cooking. Totes meta on posting a photo of Drake talking to you on the phone, my lil guy. Did you find out what Drake’s favorite food is? OR, HOW THE FUCK THIS PHOTO EVEN HAPPENED? JUST PLEASE TELL ME YOU ENDED THE CONVO WITH "YOLO".
