Image via Complex Original
Buzz Bissinger's article on his shopping addiction, with a focus on Gucci, was making the rounds yesterday and provided a bunch of eye-popping numbers and mind-boggling personal experiences from the Friday Night Lights author. The article may have made us all giggle, but it also made us think about our own shopping habits. We're copping gear non-stop, and sometimes have serious buyer's remorse, so why are we always going back for more?
While real addictions are no joke, we decided to put together a guide that will help you figure out if you have a shopping problem or not. Because while we all want to be fashion killas, we shouldn't let fashion kill us. Think you might have a problem? Here are 10 Signs That You Might Have a Shopping Addiction.
Your shopping addiction makes you sad, so you console yourself with more shopping.
It's a vicious cycle. If you're self-prescribing retail therapy for the sadness you feel about the addiction that originated from your retail habits, then it's time to break this ridiculous ouroboros. Maybe once you take a shopping sabbatical, you can regain the joy that used to come with significant purchases. Because no one likes a sad shopper.
You skip rent and hide from the landlord while wearing $4,000 worth of clothing.
And then you keep complaining to your homies about paying rent, the price of milk, and how gum now costs 35 cents a pack. YOUR JEANS COST $700!!! And you want sympathy for groceries? Don't expect any anytime soon if you keep up these shopping habits.
You own more tuxedos than James Bond and have been invited to three weddings and zero galas in your life.
It's not just tuxes, but any garment that makes you invent reasons for why you should cop. Sorry, breh. You don't need a pocketwatch, your phone will do. And please put those ascots down. You won't be playing baccarat in Monte Carlo at any point if you keep dropping hecka scrilla on gear.
You get a boner everytime the cashier swipes your credit card.
You know what they say: God gave Man a penis and a brain, and only enough blood to use one at a time. And if your brain has equated new purchases with sex, it's time to go home and seriously re-think your priorities.
The store plays "Throw It In The Bag" when you walk in.
Usually the store is playing something classy, like Bach's Cello Suites. But for some inexplicable reason, Fabolous' ode to extravagant shopping starts popping off as soon as you set foot in the door. If the store has created some sort of auto-recognition algorithm and wired it to their sound system just to celebrate your arrival, it's time to take a shopping break.
You go through black-out spells and wake up surrounded by new clothes with no memory of where you went or how you got there.
We've all woken up the next morning unsure of who, exactly, this is lying next to us. But if boxes are continuously arriving at your doorstep that you don't remember ordering, and there are constant charges on your credit card that you can't recall, you might have a shopping problem. Because whether it's a skeezoid or some nasty clothes, neither looks good and you shouldn't let either into your drawers.
Your friends and family hold an intervention at the mall.
Those closest to you know where you spend most of your time and that it's the best place to find you. They'll trap you at ground zero of your problem and make you confront it head-on. Maybe you'll recognize your problem when your friends and fam literally wake you up at the mall for your intervention.
You are a loser in real life, but as soon as you walk in your favorite store you get VIP treatment.
If you're making $30,000 at some dead-end job, have no plans on the weekends, and haven't gotten laid since the Bush administration, then you have no business being treated like a VIP. And yet, you cop so much gear from this one store that as soon as you walk in the door, they salute you like a don. Your favorite drinks are poured, beautiful sales girls fawn over you, and you get to live that luxe life...until you complete your purchases and walk back out.
When the world didn't end on December 21, 2012, you converted your end-of-the-world-zombie-apocalypse bunker into a closet.
You thought you had outsmarted us all. When the sun rose on December 22 and the world was still standing, all that you had was some extra closet space. Still though, if a tornado or flood ever hits your hometown, your family's going to die because you had to store AW03 pieces in the hopes that baggy would become cool again.
You tell your girl you're with your friends. You tell your friends you're with your girl. But you're actually just alone at the mall.
Eventually, this web of lies is coming to come crashing down on you. At this point, the work that goes into keeping up with all the lies doesn't even make the shopping worth it. But you're addicted and you'd sell your soul for another chance to cruise shops and pop tags. So the lies will continue, as will the shopping.
