Image via Complex Original
If you live in a city, taking a cab is inevitable. You're either working late, you're late to a meeting, you're drunk as hell and don't feel like waiting for the subway, or you're just rich and lazy and can afford to pay for somebody to drive you everywhere you want to go. As you take more and more cabs, you realize that there's a little culture that stays inside those beat up yellow cars. Driving around a crowded city can make or, more likely, break a person. We've seen the results and we've put them into categories. These are 10 Types of Cab Drivers.
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The Person Who Doesn't Know Where He's Going
It's always perplexing when we get in a car, tell the driver where we want to go, and then they proceed to ask us how to get there. Seriously, dude? This is your God damn job, and one I'm not paying you so I have to help you do it. Either learn the area better or buy a friggin' GPS.
The Person Who Tells You His Life Story
We're friendly people. We really are. But do we want to talk to every single person we come across? No, especially when it's 3:37 a.m., we've been up since 6 a.m. that day, and we just want to get home to our warm, cozy bed. There are guys who will tell you every bit about his day, every bit about the person he just took to a Japanese Nordic fusion restaurant in the East Village, and how he used to love dinosaurs when he was little, because his dad bought him a hand puppet one time from Toys R Us. Just shut your moth and drive, man.
Bonus: Apparently, according to this picture, there are cabbies who hand out candy, as well. Because that's not creepy or anything.
The Person Who Is Doing Eight Things at Once
It's one thing if you're texting and driving. You're the one controlling the car, and if it's your fault that you do something stupid, it's your fault. It's a completely different story when the person whose job it is to safely get you from Canal St. to the Upper East Side is texting, has an earpiece in, is listening to one of these malicious songs, is eating street meat, is putting in an address into the GPS, cleaning his dash, trying to change shoes, shooing away window washers and yelling at the 30 other cabbies surrounding him all at the same time.
The Person Who Makes You an Accomplice to a Crime
Half the time you ride in a cab, there is at least one law broken during your travels. Whether that's hitting another car, hitting a person, driving through a buliding or stealing from a falafel cart guy, you're there to witness it. And considering he's got your life in his hands, you're not going to question it.
The Person Who Takes the Long Route on Purpose
NYC is a hot bed for people taking advantage of tourists. As one of the top destinations in the world, cabbies are constantly driving around people who have no experience with taking taxis or where they're going in the city. So, it's pretty easy for drivers to rip people off. Most people are too stupid to ask questions or aren't paying attention, so the guy will gladly squeeze more money out of your pockets.
The Person Who Drives a Town Car, Doesn't Accept Credit Card, and Creeps Everybody Out
These guys feed on unsure and unsuspecting tourists. They don't have a meter, they don't accept credit cards, and they're shadier than that drug dealer you used to get pot from in college. As a general rule, don't take these cars, but if it's your only option, establish a price before you get into the car (you can usually get them down to pretty cheap).
The Person Who Refuses To Take You
Technically, the law in NYC states that if somebody asks a cab driver to take them somewhere, the cab driver must take them. That's not always how it goes. Often, the driver will first crack his window, ask where you're going, and if he doesn't like what you have to say, he'll be like, "oh, nope!" roll up the window and zip off to find somebody who suits his plans better.
The Person Who Thinks He's Tony Stewart
This is most NYC taxi drivers. They've come up in a hostile environment that requires you being the most aggressive on the planet. It doesn't matter what the rules are, they're going to get you wherever you need to go as fast as possible, even if that means you're weaving in and out of stagnant traffic, running over street meat vendors, and knocking over every orange cone that's in the way.
The Person You Wish Were Tony Stewart
Then there is always the guy who, when you need him to go fast so you make that meeting with your client or boss, goes five miles under the speed limit and doesn't give a shit about anything but the sandwich he's got clamped in his right hand.
The Person Who Doesn't Speak English
Calling New York City a diverse place would be an extremely large understatement. There is no majority, so it's not surprising that you run into people who don't speak the same language as you. Is it frustrating? Only if that's the only cab available and you're forced to take it. Just hope he's not the how do you get there?" guy, too.
