Image via Complex Original
A dunk is worth only two points. A dunk in somebody's face? Also two points, but that's just because NBA puppeteers haven't figured out how to award points based on how badly a player was emasculated. (Obviously, the formula is the victim's height in inches minus his opponent's height, divided by how many years the vic's been in the league, multiplied by the number of viewers who witnessed the bruising of his ego.) While facializations are not technically worth any more than lame-ass layups, they are why we tune in nightly to see which multi-millionaire freak of nature will get cut down to size so we can laugh at him. With that in mind, check out Complex's list of the 50 Best NBA Slam Dunks, a collection of humiliating, in-your-face jams that should be worth at least an additional two points; one for each testicle that was crushed.
For more amazing NBA Action, check out our list of the 50 Greatest Ankle-Breakers in Basketball History.
Follow @Complex_Sports for more news and commentary.
50. John Starks vs. Michael Jordan (1993)
OK, we acknowledge that MJ was peripheral in this posterization, but can you blame non-Chicago fans tired of being dominated for latching onto some Bull-shit?
49. Dwyane Wade vs. Kendrick Perkins (2011)
Wade took the most devilish-looking man in the NBA to church on this one.
48. Shaquille O'Neal vs. Rasheed Wallace (2000)
Word to Colorado, this right here is how Kobe learned to rattle the rim.
47. Manu Ginobili vs. Josh Howard and DeSagana Diop (2007)
Some people just weren't ready for the Latin Explosion. "Wipe the spit off" indeed.
46. Nene vs. Joe Smith (2009)
The last time Smith felt this small and embarrassed, he'd just been traded from LeBron's Cavs to the Oklahoma City Thunder.
45. Carmelo Anthony vs. Tyrus Thomas (2008)
The initials TT could not be more fitting, as 'Melo straight took Thomas' manhood like sexual reassignment surgery.
44. Russell Westbrook vs. Marco Belinelli (2009)
Hey Marco, you know you're supposed to put your own team on your back, right?
43. Kobe Bryant vs. Yao Ming (2007)
"Serving up a facial on Yao Ming!" says marvelous Marv Albert. And now you know the ancient Asian secret to young skin.
42. LeBron James vs. Tim Duncan (2006)
The Big Fundamental forgets fundamental number one—when crotch is flying at your face, duck.
41. Kwame Brown vs. Andres Nocioni (2006)
This and being selected first overall in the 2001 NBA Draft day are probably the only moments Brown will cherish from his lackluster career. Unless Michael Jordan calling him a "flaming f*ggot" did something for the masochist in him.
40. Julius Erving vs. Michael Cooper (1983)
Cooper won an NBA defensive player of the year award. It was not for this.
39. David Thompson vs. Bobby Jones (1977)
After you enjoy the rest of his plays, check out number one. Jordan's idol, David "Skywalker" Thompson, got crazy high in the ABA and NBA. On the court, too!
38. Dahntay Jones vs. Eric Dampier (2009)
Now Dampier can say he's been to Dahntay's peak.
37. Michael Jordan vs. Dikembe Mutombo (1997)
Not only does MJ step foot in the House of Mutombo, he drops a deuce on the carpet.
36. Kobe Bryant vs. Steve Nash (2006)
Perhaps jealous that Nash won an MVP trophy before him, Kobe gives him the award for "Most Violated Phoenician."
35. Shaquille O'Neal vs. the Hoop (1993)
Shaq one-ups the O.G. of backboard-breaking by tearing EVERYTHING down. They don't call him The Diesel 'cause he's gassy.
34. Michael Jordan vs. Charles Barkley (1990)
Sir Charles? At 0:40, MJ treats him like the court jester. Ye of the inferior hops, amuse us on your posterior!
33. Tracy McGrady vs. Shawn Bradley (2005)
Bradley isn't much of a looker, so we understand why so many NBA dunkers made him their bottom bitch.
32. Shaquille O'Neal vs. Kelvin Cato (1998)
Cato must have been on suicide watch after this one, 'cause nobody who wants to live steps in front of a full-speed Diesel.
31. Taj Gibson vs. Dwyane Wade (2011)
Gibson never had the chance to properly tell Wade how upset he was that Dwyane didn't join the Bulls in Chicago. Watch the entire video for a second vicious slam that might be even more ridiculous than the first.
30. Ronnie Price vs. Carlos Boozer (2006)
Boozer tries to run operation CB on Price, but he still gets it in on him.
29. Blake Griffin vs. Timofey Mozgov (2010)
Shaq once asked Kobe to tell him how his ass tastes. Griffin slightly altered that question for Timofey Mozgov.
28. Tracy McGrady vs. Andris Biedrins (2006)
Any time the play-by-play guys say that a player can be "savage," you know that's a facial. Or that you're in a KKK meeting.
27. Tracy McGrady vs. Toronto Raptors (2003)
The last time we saw something this pretty bouncing off the glass, we spent $300 in singles.
26. Shaquille O'Neal vs. David Robinson (1996)
After Army brat Shaq blew up his spot, The Admiral's dinghy sprung a leak.
25. Darryl Dawkins vs. the Glass (1979)
"Chocolate Thunder" named this dunk the "Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Robinzine-Crying, Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump-Roasting, Bun-Toasting, Wham-Bam, Glass-Breaker-I-Am-Jam." Yeah, that sounds about right.
24. Amare Stoudemire vs. Michael Olowokandi (2002)
This was the moment when Kandy Man's nickname was forever changed to Kandi-Ass.
23. Michael Jordan vs. Portland Trail Blazers (1992)
What kinda bum-ass defense was Portland playing? We've seen better box-outs on Skid Row.
22. Clyde Drexler vs. Bill Laimbeer (1990)
Forget smooth and graceful Clyde, there's nothing but power in this offensive onslaught. Lame-beer lives up to his name by begging for the tech afterward.
21. J.R. Smith vs. George Hill (2010)
Before Smith ran off to China and started putting up Kevin Love numbers, he was spending time in the NBA embarrassing dudes on national television.
20. Rudy Gay vs. Luis Scola (2007)
Just like fearful conservatives said, you let one Gay in and soon they're bringing all the dudes around them to their knees.
19. Kevin Johnson vs. Hakeem Olajuwon (1994)
Hakeem's Dream just turned into a nightmare, like when Scar-Jo whips a thick one out on us.
18. Kobe Bryant vs. Vincent Yarbrough (2003)
Yarbrough gets an "A" for effort, but he should've just stopped after getting his ankles broken by the behind-the-back move. This was as dominating as the A-game Kobe brings to Colorado.
17. Allen Iverson vs. Marcus Camby (1998)
The Answer to the question you never asked is that height ain't nothin' but a number, but the humiliation of being dunked on, then ridden by the smallest guy on the court is 100% real.
16. Anfernee Hardaway vs. Sam Mitchell (1995)
One cent isn't shit, but Penny putting Mitchell on his ass is straight up priceless.
15. LeBron James vs. Damon Jones (2005)
King me? Not quite, Damon. But he did put the crown jewels on ya.
14. Kevin Johnson vs. John Williams (1992)
Not even on a dunk facials list can you ride a man nicknamed "Hot Rod" without taking a timeout. Triple-pause that, KJ!
13. Chris Webber vs. Charles Barkley (1994)
C-Webb treats his former idol Sir Charles like ground Chuck.
12. Amare Stoudemire vs. Jeff Foster (2008)
Foster's—American for emasculation.
11. Baron Davis vs. Andre Kirilenko (2007)
AK-47 must've been low on ammo, 'cause B-Diddy just fed him a banana clip.
10. Michael Jordan vs. Patrick Ewing (1991)
Now you know what Patrick Chewing's got in his mouth.
9. Shaquille O'Neal vs. Chris Dudley (2000)
Dudley has political science and economic degrees from Yale, but after going through a course of posterization and disrespect in front of the Lakers girls, he also has a major in humiliation.
8. Dominique Wilkins vs. Larry Bird (1987)
White men can jump! Just not as high.
7. Chris Webber vs. Mark Jackson (1994)
"Mama, there goes that man!" Yes, Mark, he's tea-bagging you again.
6. Dwyane Wade vs. Anderson Varejao (2009)
The way Wade put Varejao's legs up, you'd think he was Gabrielle Union. Hey, the hair would've fooled us too.
5. Tom Chambers vs. Mark Jackson (1989)
If white men can't jump, they sure can leap the fuck over someone and embarrass them in the hood for all eternity.
4. Scottie Pippen vs. Patrick Ewing (1994)
That's not a New York nick—Pip left him with a gash.
3. Shawn Kemp vs. Alton Lister (1992)
After a sonning like that, Kemp should add Lister's mom to his monthly child support payments.
2. Kobe Bryant vs. Dwight Howard (2004)
Superman, there's a Black Mamba on your shoulder! Oh no, that's just Kobe sexing your ear.
1. Vince Carter vs. Frederic Weis (2000)
No, this wasn't during a league game, but it's the reason Weis was too shook to ever play in the NBA. VC's nuts dragging across your forehead will do that to a man.