Image via Complex Original
Jerry Jones is a sprite 71-year-old man today. He's probably still out drinking right now—the high of the Cowboys' 30-23 shock road victory over the Seahawks still pumping through his veiny old-man veins. Fuck a birthday. Jerry Jones cares about football. If his own birthday on a long weekend after the win lets him bask in the reflective glory of his team's accomplishment, then so be it. Keep the party going.
Another round for the boys. Empty out the luxury suite liquor cabinet. Cut the line to the bathroom. It's time to blow one off in Jerry World today. Pour one out for your favorite NFL owner to hate year-to-year in Jerry Jones' Best Press Box Moments in GIFs.
Nothing But Knuckle
Date: 11/22/2012
Game: Redskins @ Cowboys
This must've been personally devastating for the man on the other side of that fist-shake. You go your entire life with Jerry Jones being on the “handshake level” of companionship with him. It's a strictly business signal from Mr. Jones (who you still call “mister” even though you exchange Christmas cards and dinner invitations). But one day—on Thanksgiving, no less, when you're supposed to be with family—that man went in for an informal fist-bump celebration with a then 69-year-old Jones. The ultimate test of blurring the personal-business line. The moment you've been striving for. The reason why you skipped Thanksgiving dinner with your wife and kids. Jerry curved the gesture and kept it strictly business. That's the power of Jerry Jones.
Clean My Glasses, Son
Date: 9/5/2012
Game: Cowboys @ Giants
Although Sad Fist-Shake Man didn't get much love from Jerry, the actual loved ones of Jerry Jones are mere servants to his patriarchal reign over the Cowboys. The cleaning boy is Shy Anderson, Cowboys Executive VP, son-in-law of Jerry Jones, and potential Bowflex model. Papa Jones always gets what he wants. (Except for Johnny Manziel.)
Can't Be Bothered
Date: 10/6/2013
Game: Broncos @ Cowboys
Not only “rich people,” SB Nation. This is exactly how I clap when I'm so bored and not bothered by everyone but I want to be polite. Like I'm so above everyone else and over whatever is happening in front of me that I just can't move BOTH hands to clap. No. That'd be too much, and this moment doesn't deserve it. Considering the above GIF happened whilst the Broncos were beating the Cowboys (but just barely and the Cowboys were totally about take back the game), I'd say that Jerry's clapping was par for the course.
Bill Clinton Has His Popcorn Ready
Date: 4/7/2014
Game: NCAA Final Four
Remember the last time someone talked at you and you politely listened but were visibly perturbed or just fucking bored? Well, now you do. Bill Clinton does.
Uppercase F-Bomb
Date: 12/29/2013
Game: Eagles @ Cowboys
That's how losing to a division rival with the playoffs on the line for a third straight season to finish 8-8 feels.
“Time out Jason!”
Date: 12/11/2011
Game: Giants @ Cowboys
“Yeah, jesus Jason. I've already got my sportcoat on and two blondes in the limo out back. Let's get this game wrapped up!”
Ugh
Date: 1/1/2012
Game: Cowboys @ Giants
21-0 at the half? Pass the sticks, Jer-bear. We feel you on the struggle face-wipe though.
He's Frowning But He's Not
Date: 1/1/2012
Game: Cowboys @ Giants
Those pursed lips of contempt are nearly in Emperor Palpatine territory.
Illicit Touching
Date: 12/2/2012
Game: Eagles @ Cowboys
Sometimes it's a Get-Caught-Fixing-Your-Dick-Wedgie-On-National-Television type of day.
Grabbing a Quickie From the G-Man
Date: 11/28/2013
Game: Raiders @ Cowboys
God, that is. It's evident that he was giving a quick shoutout to his main man, and you could say that he's looking up to the heavens right after, but we all know that Jerry's big ass scoreboard is where Jerry draws his real strength from.
I'm the Man
Date: 12/16/2012
Game: Steelers @ Cowboys
Yeah, owning a pro sports team is as cool as it looks.
Wiping Your Hands Clean
Date: N/A
Game: N/A
See, Jerry Jones is just like you and me. Celebrating with messy hands is a challenge for the snack-eating, football-watching public. Jones finessed this sticky situation using the clap-wipe technique well.
Well Done, Lads
Date: 9/5/2012
Game: Cowboys @ Giants
Use this GIF to celebrate a victory with your teammates/co-workers/loved ones.
Excellent
Date: N/A
Game: N/A
Or maybe Jerry is more like Mr. Burns?
