Image via Complex Original
The 2012-13 NBA season is underway, and the action on the court is intense—the basketball is OK, but the real stars are, often as not, the cheerleaders who pump up the crowd during breaks.
And NBA cheerleaders have gone on to make something of themselves. Everyone knows Paula Abdul, of course, but Bonnie Jill Laflin (Golden State Warriors), Moon Bloodgood (L.A. Lakers), Layla El (Miami Heat), Eve Torres (L.A. Clippers), and two members of Danity Kane not named O'Day (New Orleans Hornets, Portland Trail Blazers) also put in time cheering on their favorite team.
Who will emerge as the breakout star this year? Time will tell, but for now, here are all the spirited ladies of all 30 NBA teams, ranked from good to awesome.
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30. Orlando Magic
Do the Magic Dancers have some sort of devious trickery up their sleeves? No, they have plenty of trickery, but they don't have sleeves.
Official Squad Site
29. Cleveland Cavaliers
It was hard for the Cavalier Girls not to have a cavalier attitude after the LeBron James era ended abruptly in 2010. Hell, the Cavaliers themselves were cavalier about the Cavaliers, going from a playoff team to a D-league squad overnight. But there's new hope now that with rookie of the year Kyrie Irving the team will get back up on its horse. Horses. Whatever. Go Cavs!
28. Washington Wizards
It's too bad the Washington Bullets had to change to the Wizards. Today, the dancers are known as the Wizard Girls, but old-school Washington fans remember them as the Bullettes. (Gee, if Washington's not using it anymore, maybe the girls in Chicago could retire "Luvabulls" and bring back the Bullettes. Just a thought.)
27. New Orleans Hornets
We've called out a couple teams on this list for having less-than-awesome names, but we have to hand it to the New Orleans Honeybees—that is just a great name. Makes you think happy thoughts, doesn't it?
Official Squad Site
26. Toronto Raptors
The dancers for the Toronto Raptors are called the "Dance Pak"—and no, we don't know what happened to the "c." Must be the Canadian spelling.
25. Milwaukee Bucks
We don't say this to be mean, it is simply a fact: These girls are saddled with the worst name in the league. Known as Energee!, the gals who shake it in Milwaukee deserve your sympathy. They're cute, just...that name.
Official Squad Site
24. Portland Trail Blazers
The Blazerdancers have to keep the fans happy and the action hot in Rip City, which is apparently not an easy task in the cool and damp Pacific Northwest. Vancouver and Seattle used to have NBA teams, you know.
23. Sacramento Kings
The Sacramento Kings have always been able to hold their heads high and proclaim "At least we're not the Clippers." Yet with the recent action in L.A., Sac-town's squad is facing the reality that they might be the worst team in California for a good long while. It'll be a race to the bottom with Golden State. The Sacramento Kings Dancers have their work cut out for them.
Official Squad Site
22. Memphis Grizzlies
The Grizzlies had their best season ever last year, which gives the Grizz Girls plenty to cheer about.
Official Squad Site
21. Philadelphia 76ers
For basketball fans, the "Dream Team" will forever be the squad assembled for the 1992 Olympics—Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, John Stockton, Karl Malone, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, et al. Wait, forever? Philadelphia's plucky pack of lady dancers also goes by the name Dream Team, and they aim to flip that script.
Official Squad Site
20. Charlotte Bobcats
The Lady Cats have a lot of work to do; it's not easy getting the crowd fired up over a team coming off the worst season in NBA history. The Bobcats went 7-59 in 2011-12 for a dismal .109 winning percentage.
Official Squad Site
19. Indiana Pacers
The Pacemates may not be the hottest squad in the league, but they win the prize for having the naughtiest sounding name. Do they dance, or pose for naked pictures? Well, we know they dance—we'll have to get back to you about the other thing.
18. Detroit Pistons
The Detroit Pistons Dancers don't seem to be going by the '80s-tastic name "Automotion" anymore, and we'll bet nobody is happier about that than the Detroit Pistons Dancers.
Official Squad Site
17. Los Angeles Clippers
Statistically speaking, the L.A. Clippers have to be the all-time worst team in the NBA. Sure, there's hope for the future; Blake Griffin's a beast, and he took the Clips to the playoffs last year. But historically the "other" Los Angeles team has more often than not been a dead-last finisher. And yet, win or lose, they always have spirit—because that's the name of their cheerleading crew, the Clippers Spirit Dance Team.
16. Boston Celtics
Do we get fries with these Shamrock shakes? For all of team's fans, we can only hope the Celtics cheerleaders bring the team, sans clutch player Ray Allen, some good luck to carry them to finals this year.
Official Squad Site
15. Phoenix Suns
It'll be strange days in Phoenix this year without Steve Nash running the point. But the Suns Dancers have no plans of being any less scorching.
14. Utah Jazz
The Jazz Dancers aren't just the Jazz Dancers, they'll have you know. They are the Nu Skin Jazz Dancers. Yes, these ladies have corporate sponsorship. Plus, they get all the free Nu Skin anti-aging skin care products they need, we assume. Whatever it is, it's working. No wrinkles on these jazz hands!
13. Golden State Warriors
The Warrior Girls is an awfully combative name for a cheer squad, don't you think? Sounds like a gang—they could probably kick your ass, and might actually play better ball than the Warriors.
Official Squad Site
12. San Antonio Spurs
Nothing helps you to be a good cheerleader like a team that wins games. The Silver Dancers get a lot of help.
Official Squad Site
11. Oklahoma City Thunder
In 2008, a handful of players made the move from Seattle to OKC; they didn't have a team name, and they certainly didn't have dancers. In their final season as the SuperSonics, the team went 20-62, and did not make the playoffs; four years later they played for the championship against the Heat. Only a fool would deny that the locally-grown fresh-faced Thunder Girls were a major factor in the franchise's rebirth.
Official Squad Site
10. Atlanta Hawks
The Atlanta Hawks Cheerleaders (sometimes/formerly known as the A-Town Dancers) are an unmistakable Atlantean mixture of southern belles and big-city beauties, and they've just acquired two new secret weapons. Keep an eye on young Kirsten and Kristen Hardy, better known as The Hardy Twins.
9. Dallas Mavericks
The modern cheerleader was born in Dallas with the re-invention of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders some 40 years ago. The Dallas Mavericks Dancers are a damn fine looking bunch of Cowgirls even if they are the city's second best.
Official Squad Site
8. New York Knicks
For a long time, the Knicks City Dancers have had the run of the town, without any competition from New York's NFL cheerleaders (who do their thing in New Jersey) or MLB cheerleaders (who do not exist). The KCD will have to be on their toes now, though, with the arrival of the already-hipper Brooklynettes.
7. Chicago Bulls
Naming your dance team is hardly a science; some names work, others don't, and we can't exactly say why. Does the name for Chicago's team, the Luvabulls, really work? Tough call. But as long as the girls work, and they do, who cares about the name?
6. Brooklyn Nets
The Brooklyn Nets' spanking new squad of spirit babes is called the Brooklynettes, and they're about more than dancing. Early glimpses suggest the ladies in the stylish black-and-white getups will be doing some razzle-dazzle high flying acrobatics.
Official Squad Site
5. Denver Nuggets
When you think about it, "Nuggets" is a really weird name for a team, isn't it? Strange they didn't come up with something a little sexier than "Nuggets Dancers" for these lovely ladies.
Official Squad Site
4. Minnesota Timberwolves
It is generally poor form to howl or wolf-whistle at pretty girls in bikinis. Not so with the Timberwolves Dancers—you're merely speaking their language. Howl all you want. Awooooo...
3. Hoston Rockets
Houston's glory days of '94 and '95, when the team won back-to-back titles, are a distant memory at this point, but hopes are high for the present day, which is being called the "Beardsanity Era" (named for point guard James Harden's huge facial hair). The Rockets Power Dancers will just go on looking hot, no beards required.
Official Squad Site N/A
2. Los Angeles Lakers
The Laker Girls are the most storied squad in NBA cheerleading history. In fact, they are the only storied squad. Paula Abdul was a Laker Girl, as was actress Moon Bloodgood and singer Vanessa Curry. Who knows, maybe there's a star of tomorrow among this year's crop of dancers. It's a short drive from the Staples Center to Hollywood. Really, it is. Google Maps says 13 minutes.
Official Squad Site
1. Miami Heat
They are the champions, my friends. Not only did the Miami Heat win the 2012 NBA title, the team's cheerleaders, the Heat Dancers, emerged as the hottest squad in the league. When you're Heat, you're heat.
