The 25 Most Dysfunctional Relationships in Sports History

Dysfunctional relationships take on all kinds of forms with athletes. Typically, they're of the VH1 reality show variety, complete with rampant infidelity, seven-figure divorce settlements, and accusations of substance abuse. Sometimes, they end in tragedy (read: O.J. Simpson), but we've saved those criminals for another list. And, increasingly, they end in confusion (read: Manti Te'o). These not-so-happily-ever-after love stories inspired us to sign a prenuptial agreement, insist that we Skype with the Twitter follower we've been "dating," and countdown the The 25 Most Dysfunctional Relationships in Sports History.

Written By Sean Evans (@seanseaevans)

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Prime Time and Pilar Sanders' 13-year marriage unraveled in 2012. The ugly episode was documented—as they often are—by a series of heartbreaking, poorly punctuated tweets. After allegedly being attacked by Pilar, Deion tweeted a picture of his kids (ages nine and 12) filling out what he said was a criminal complaint against their mother. "Pray for me and my kids now! They just witnessed their mother and a friend jump me in my room," the tweet read, "She's going to jail n I'm pressing charges!"

It wasn't the first time the Sanders family exploited domestic unrest for retweets. Deion's daughter, Deiondra, once characterized Pilar as a "worthless, gold diggin' ho" in 140 characters or less. The tweet was used by Pilar in a $200M lawsuit against Deion, alleging that the "Twitter rant was just another example of the humiliation she was forced to endure during the marriage."

Fellas, watch your phone. It's the male equivalent of a diary, except nobody keeps a diary anymore and it's hard to claim artistic license with a camera roll full of sexts. Ladies, don't date professional basketball players. If you follow our advice, you'll avoid ending up like Tony Parker and Eva Longoria (and, like, 14 other slides on this list).

As the story goes, Longoria perused her husband's smart phone and stumbled across more than Instagram'd meal pictures. Longoria discovered hundreds of texts between Parker and his Spurs teammate Brent Barry's wife. Oops. After their divorce, Longoria claimed that Parker's infidelity was not limited to Erin Barry and had a tattoo of her wedding date removed from her wrist.

Working with your spouse can be taxing on your relationship. Especially when that job requires your wife to powerbomb you on pay-per-view. Think about that. The two of you are in a fight over the TiVo and the only way you know how to "settle the score" is by smashing a folding chair over your husband's head. How can anyone expect that marriage to last?

The fairytale love affair between Sable (Renae Lesnar) and "Wildman" Marc Mero began in 1993. By 2006, the couple's marriage had gone the way of the WWF, but not before a few bizarre highlights. After distracting his wife during an "Evening Gown" match with Luna, Mero was kicked in the nuts by Sable and dazed with a "Sable bomb." At SummerSlam, Sable continued the emasculating of "Wildman" by defeating Mero and "his new manager" Jaqueline in a tag team match.

Fun Fact: Sable is currently married to former UFC Heavyweight Champion and WWE wrestler Brock Lesnar.

You know the old saying: the couple that dopes together, stays together (see: Bobby and Whitney). Or something like that. After testing positive for a banned substance four times, shot put champion C.J. Hunter was suspended from competition just prior to the 2000 Olympics. His wife, disgraced sprinter Marion Jones, went on to win a record five gold medals. But lost a gold ring when the couple filed for divorce a year later.

As it turns out, the two were sharing more than a bedroom. During the BALCO Scandal, close to two dozen athletes were linked to performance-enhancing drugs, including Jones and Hunter. Jones would later forfeit her medals after it was discovered that she'd taken PEDs as far back as the 2000 games and was ultimately jailed for six months after lying about it to a grand jury.

According to a recently published story in the National Enquirer, Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin Nordegren, claims that Michael Jordan "taught" Woods how to cheat. While we're weary of crediting a gossip rag, we're totally intrigued by the idea of No. 23 mentoring Woods in the art of destroying a family.

Jordan and Juanita first divorced in 2002, citing "irreconcilable differences," but, reconciled shortly thereafter. Five years later, Jordan and Juanita separated again, this time for good. The famously competitive Jordan, dethroned divorce settlement behemoths Neil Diamond and Harrison Ford when he handed almost $200M over to Juanita, one of the most expensive such settlements in celebrity divorce history.

Remember your last break-up? She had your season one of Breaking Bad. You borrowed her Blu-ray copy of Dark Knight Rises. And the two of you had to arrange a time and place to exchange property? The McCourt's divorce was kind of like that, only instead of DVDs and a couple's gym membership, they had to divide up the Los Angeles Dodgers and a half dozen mansions. Break-ups can be complicated.

In a showy divorce proceeding befitting of its Hollywood setting, Jamie was accused of having an affair with her driver and bodyguard, going to France with the aforementioned boy toy, and then billing the Dodgers for her vacation. Frank was accused of understating his worth, the value of the ball club, and running the franchise into the ground. Ultimately, Frank unloaded the team for two billion dollars while Jamie receives $989,000 a month for "living expenses" along with four homes. And you get your Breaking Bad box set back. Everyone's a winner.

In the saddest case of he-said-she-said ever, Jason called his wife crazy and claimed that she monitored him with a secret tracking device installed in his car. If you haven't been able to tell by now, divorce hearings get pretty nasty. Not to be outdone, Joumana countered by saying that the 10-time All-Star slept with strippers, was an alcoholic, and beat her.

We're not sure who to believe, but in 2001 Kidd was arrested for allegedly punching Joumana in the mouth. And just last year, he crashed his car while partying in the Hamptons. Joumana, on the other hand, famously had her son steal Jason's phone from the Nets locker room in 2006, and berated him with evidence during the game from her court side seats. We're just glad these two are separated.

A lot is said of Notre Dame's reputation with "student athletes." But if you believe their marquee football player's story, he's the dumbest person in an accredited university (we see you Florida State) and the shittiest boyfriend ever. If the "love of your life" dies of leukemia, your first order of business should not be to study Michigan State game film. And he'd look a lot more sympathetic if—on the day of the supposed funeral—he wasn't dropping into zone coverage against Michigan.

At best, Manti Te'o is a pathetic meathead who thinks that interceptions are a worthwhile tribute to human life. At worst, he's a sociopath who contrived the hoax for attention.

Look, the Internet is just lies, porn, porn, and porn. There's a lot of deception, but one universal truth: if all you know about a girl you've been talking to for three years is that she looks hot in her profile picture, she's fake. Got it? FAKE. Or it probably wasn't a girl's voice in the first place. There, you're welcome.

Doug and Jackie Christie's relationship stories have become a gossip rag staple and if they're even half true, those two share the weirdest bond this side of Eminem and Kim. Jackie's leash on Doug is notoriously tight with widely reported stories of his not being allowed to make eye contact with other women, answer questions from female reporters, and the requirement that he acknowledge her during games with a hand gesture.

In a concerted effort towards losing all of their friends, the couple remarry every year with a large ceremony complete with guests. In 2012, the pair announced plans to produce an adult film because, you know, there's not enough weird porn on the Internet.

But the cornerstone of their bizarre relationship occurred during an infamous dinner date in '08. Supposedly, Doug began choking on a chicken bone when his wife called out for help. Help arrived in the form of a female physician who was beaten away with Jackie's purse before she could apply first aid. After his near-death experience, Doug was quoted as saying, "[I'm] glad that my wife spared me the indignity of having another woman give me the Heimlich.” Where's John Witherspoon when you need him?

Their marriage lasted all of 40 days which—by VH1 reality show standards—is an incredibly enduring love story. But unfortunately for Evelyn Lozada and Chad Johnson, Twitter mentions and reality shows are fragile pillars of a relationship.

A month after their nuptials, Lozada confronted Johnson after discovering a "receipt for condoms." During the argument, Johnson allegedly head-butted Lozada triggering a domino effect of L's for the has-been wide receiver. After the attack, Johnson was charged with battery, cut by the Miami Dolphins on TV, had his impending reality series Ochocinco and Ev cancelled, and was served with divorce papers.

If there's a silver lining to this horrible story, it's that Lozada and Johnson have reportedly reconciled their differences and are now living together. Clear some space on your TiVo for VH1's upcoming series Chad and Evelyn's Happily Ever After.

Hulk Hogan might have to take figure-four leglocks and Alabama slams until the day he dies which—at this rate—will be during a heated tag-team match in WrestleMania 2019. Because his wife took most of his money, Hogan's gracelessly accepted every dollar he's been offered the last five years. And there's no end in sight.

Tampa's version of June and Ward Cleaver ended their relationship in 2009. In the ugly aftermath, Linda claimed that Hogan used drugs, physically abused her, was a serial cheater, and insinuated that Hogan had an "intimate relationship" with Brutus Beefcake. With his name dragged through the mud, "The Hulkster" defended his honor by starring in a sex tape and making plans to open a "breastaurant."

Women: can't live with them, can't cheat on them with 40 porn stars and reality show contestants without them swinging at your grill with a pitching wedge. On November 27, 2009—two days after a story of his relationship with Rachel Uchitel broke in the Daily Enquirer—Tiger Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade during a purported domestic dispute with his wife Elin.

In the following weeks and months, it was discovered that Woods had been living every 15-year-old boy's fantasy, reportedly having sex with dozens of casual partners while married to a Swedish model. The consequences for the once great golfer included endorsement drops from Gatorade and General Motors, a $110M divorce settlement, and having to painfully answer every questions with "That's a private matter" for two straight years.

The problems between Robin Givens and Mike Tyson ranged from accusations of gold digging to domestic violence. During an interview with Barbara Walters, Givens called Tyson "out of control" and claimed to be "afraid" of him. That's all you need to know about their relationship, really. But 25 years after their divorce, the most telling revelation of their marriage might be one that surfaced last year.

In an interview with Yahoo! Sports, Tyson claimed that his then-wife slept with Brad Pitt, "I wanted to sneak in a quickie. This particular day, someone beat me to the punch. I guess Brad got there earlier than I did." See, even heavyweight champions get played.