The Complex Sports 2014 NBA Playoffs Preview

The 2014 NBA Playoffs begin tomorrow at 12:30 pm. The East side of things will be a labor to follow but we still have questions. Like will Drake give Toronto good luck or is Spike going to gentrify Barclays? Who's gonna take away Paul George's phone or how many games will Dwyane Wade play in? We're asking what's important. But just like the rest of the basketball world, we're confident to call you a fool if you don't watch every minute of the West side of thangs. Can Kevin Durant live up to the hype after he wins the MVP or will the Based God's Curse rear it's ugly head? Can the Blazers beat the Rockets? Or will Dwight and them stop being bitches? Again, this is what's important.

We can't wait to see whether LeBron will enter that Jordan-esque level of domination or if the Thunder can steal a ring from the "Chosen 1." And just in case you're a betting man, the Bobcats are 250-1 to win the chip. Spend your money accordingly. Check out the Complex Sports 2014 NBA Playoffs Preview.

Who will Clyde Drexler root for (Rockets vs. Blazers?)

He won a ring there, went to high school there, went to college there, and calls games for the Rockets. But we gotta go with Portland. He wore a Blazers jersey as he etched out a Hall of Fame pro career and led them to two Finals appearances during the best era in NBA history. Which also means that he doesn't tolerate bitchassness. And Dwight, Lin, and Harden are the leaders of the Fuckboy Brigade. —Angel Diaz

Will the Basketball Gods forgive Dwight Howard for his bitchassness?

No. History shows that the Basketball Gods are unforgiving of bitchassness. Karl Malone? Bitchass with three Finals appearances and zero rings. Then again, Scottie Pippen, Rick Barry, and Bill Laimbeer have enough combined rings for every finger and a thumb, so maybe there's a shot? —Jack Erwin

Do the Blazers have a real shot?

Yes. But LaMarcus has to show why he belongs amongst the game's elite. If you're for real, L.A., you gotta either beat Dwight, James, and them or at least take 'em seven. And we didn't forget about Damian. The young guard has shown to have the conscience of a serial killer and will store Lin and Harden in his basement for dinner. However, Harden has the ability to do the same on the offensive end and Portland has no answer for Howard if he gets into a rhythm. —Angel Diaz

How far can Chicago make it without Derrick Rose? Seriously?

Enough about Derrick Rose already. Yes, he won an MVP, but Michael Jordan won five and has been equally relevant to the Bulls over the past two years. Last season Rose didn't play at all, the Bulls won 45 games and went to the Conference Semis. This year he played 10 games—during which they went 5-5—the Bulls won 48 games, and seem primed for an even deeper run. How deep? The Conference Finals would be a good start. They face the Wizards in the first round, then possibly the reeling Pacers (or the lucky-to-be-there Hawks) in the semis.

Which puts them up against the Heat in the Eastern Finals at which point anything goes. With Joakim Noah emerging as the NBA's best passing center since Bill Walton (or at least Brad Miller), why can't they go all the way? (Well, because of LeBron, probably. But we can dream.) —Russ Bengtson

What "must-watch" moment will Joakim Noah give us?

Besides his NC-17 free throws? It seems likely that, besides some extremely demonstrative celebrations, that Noah will turn in at least one playoff triple-double. He's got just five in his career, but four of those came this year, two in a three-game span in March. He also had two additional 13-assist games. Noah not only led the Bulls in assists this season, but he became just the 10th center to accumulate 415 assists in a season.

Given the Bulls scoring average (30th out of 30) and pace (29th out of 30), it's an even more impressive accomplishment. He might only have four games—five, tops—to do it in, though. *finger guns* —Russ Bengtson

Should the Wizards just be happy to be here?

No, but they might not have a choice. The Wizards are a fairly young team (their only sometime starter over 30 is Nene) who just posted their best record since '04-05 and their first 40-win season since '07-08. They won 45 games in that '04-05 season, entered the playoffs as a five-seed, and upset the four-seed Chicago Bulls in the first round. Interesting. But those were far different teams, with the exception of Kirk Hinrich, who like hope, springs eternal.

The Wizards were led by Gilbert Arenas—without question the best player in the series—and the Bulls were led by, well, Kirk Hinrich. And as great as John Wall has been this year, he's no Gilbert Arenas. Who are the playoff participation trophies named after again? —Russ Bengtson

It's 12:30 Pacific on Saturday. The TV in the Kobe Bryant household is tuned to Spongebob, American Gladiators reruns, or Game 1 of the Clippers-Warriors?

Trick question. There is no TV in the Kobe Bryant household. The Bryants play epic games of War with five decks of cards during family time—when they're not mean-mugging pictures of Shaquille O'Neal together that is. Also, Kobe and his brood are currently vacationing in France (they left before the season ended), so the Clips game starts at 9:30 pm where they are.

Kobe said he learned what it was like to be a Clippers fan last month, so he should know that no Clippers fan in their right mind would watch a Clippers game during dinner while on vacation in France. Oh, who am I kidding? Kobe had his collection of Blake Griffin voodoo dolls shipped as soon as he booked the getaway. He'll tell Vanessa and the kids (or whoever is in France with him) to le scram, and be glued to the game as the world's richest Warriors fan with a middle name of Bean. —Jack Erwin

Andrew Bogut will miss the series with broken ribs. That makes the Warriors chances slim-to-none, just plain none, or wait, they're still playing the series?

It's a shame because, despite the bizarre assistant coach-firing drama surrounding the team (a West Coast mashup of early season Nets and late season Pacers), the Warriors with Bogut looked like a formidable playoff squad. With Andre Igoudala and Draymond Green on the wings and Bogut in the middle, Golden State had a trio of excellent solo defenders to go with the 1-2 three-point punch of Steph Curry and Klay Thompson. Jermaine O'Neal isn't a total tomato can as Bogut's backup, but the Aussie's absence shortens the Golden State rotation significantly (duh), and, not to put too fine a point on it, we're talking about a 35-year-old man banging in the paint with Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan, two of the most athletic bigs in the league.

Or, to put it a little more nicely: Griffin and Jordan were in second grade when O'Neal made his NBA debut. You do the math. —Jack Erwin

Who would've thought the battle for basketball supremacy wouldn't involve the Lakers?

The last time a California franchise not named the L.A. Lakers won an NBA title was the Golden State Warriors in 1975. Since then the Lakers won 10 championships. The 2013-14 NBA season represented a changing of the guard as far as California teams go. The Lakers completed their worst record since moving to Hollywood (27-55) while the the Clippers and Warriros thugged it out in the ultra-competitive Western Conference to take the third and sixth seeds, respectively. None of this comes as a surprise though. Ever since Kobe Bryant went down with his Achilles tear last season and then Dwight Howard subsequently dipped in the offseason, the Lake Show has been doomed.

You can't compete in the 2014 Western Conference when your best healthy player is either Nick Young or Jodie Meeks. Sorry, Laker bros. —Ralph Warner

Who are the real Pacers? The team that got off to an amazing start in the first half or the squad that fell off in the second?

Well, the "real" Pacers are the Pacers playing tomorrow, and that is a different team—literally—than the one that started the season. Indiana was 41-13 when they traded Danny Granger to the Sixers for Evan Turner and Lavoy Allen; they've gone 15-13 since. Granger wasn't even close to the All-Star player he was five years ago, but he was the longest-tenured Pacer and the kind of dude who got a standing ovation when he returned after a long absence due to injury in December. And, lo and behold, after he got shipped out, Roy Hibbert starts calling teammates "selfish" and David West openly questions how the team is handling success.

Correlation does not imply causation (I have no idea what that really means, but I'm going to use it to say that, among other things, I've never set foot in the Pacers locker room much less poked around the inner recesses of their individual psyches), but you do the math: Pacers with Granger equals scrappy upstart title contender; Pacers without Granger equals two games above .500, leather short-sleeve button-ups, and leaked dick pics. —Jack Erwin

Who will be the one to take away Paul George's phone?

Clearly that person would've been Danny Granger, but he ain't around. Maybe Frank Vogel will get lucky and Andrew Bynum will fall on it. —Jack Erwin

What's one factor that makes watching a first-round series involving the Hawks worthwhile? Young Thug courtside? Young Thug in the starting lineup?

Young Thug courtside? Young Thug in the starting lineup? Serious answer: Paul Millsap is a power forward who can bang and hit a jumper and even dish the ball (he averaged three assists a game this season). But realistically, the Hawks are playing for the future. Millsap's contract is team-friendly, the Joe Johnson and Josh Smith contracts aren't weighing the team down any more, so you can totally see GM Danny Ferry building a team around Millsap and...wait, did I just say "GM Danny Ferry building a team around?" So yeah, Young Thug in the starting lineup, if not this year then next. —Jack Erwin

Was Drake the key to Toronto's success this season?

14 games OVO .500. Yup, since Drake Night (January 11) the Raptors have been a consistent winning machine. The longest losing streak halted at two (March 16 and 18 against the Suns and Hawks, respectively), and the most successful run was four games. Nothing crazy, just consistent. But, can we cast Aubrey as the primary catalyst for success? That's debatable. Named an official Raptors' ambassador on September 30, 2013, Drake didn't have instant impact. The team was 17 and 17 on January 8, thanks primarily to a five-game winning streak through the holiday season. Two of those were against the Knicks, gimmes, but the other three were against first round opponent Chicago, and fellow playoff teams Indiana, and Washington.

Still, pre-Jan. 11 also featured both contests against the Spurs, one vs. the Thunder, and THREE losses to the Heat. In other words: They may look heavy, but they light though. Don't count too much on Drake's influence. —Nick Schonberger

What would be a "successful" playoff run for the Raptors?

In five prior playoff appearances, the Raptors have only won one series—a 3 games to 2 battle with the New York Knicks in 2001. The team followed success with failure against Iverson's Sixers, but managed to stretch the eventual Eastern Conference winners to seven games. This season, the Raptors split against first round foe Brooklyn, winning one on the road and holding home court on the all-important Drake night. Take past and present into account, and the logical answer here is: triumphant victory in round one. —Nick Schonberger

When will Spike Lee gentrify the Barclays Center?

If the Nets make it to the second round and play, presumably, the Heat (not if the Bobcats have anything to say about it!), he'll find it very hard to resist. LeBron, D-Wade, and Pat Riley in the building? Hard to imagine Spike would pass that up. Then again, it wouldn't be surprising if he showed up at Game 3 versus the Raptors (guest of Drake, natch) wearing a Kyle Lowry jersey and yelling "Yo!" at Park Slopers doing their oms in the Barclays Center meditation room. —Jack Erwin

Can the Spurs get over the heartbreak of Game 6?

The short answer is—yes, of course. In fact, it's likely that Gregg Popovich banned the words "Game" and "Six" from the Spurs locker room immediately following the conclusion of the 2013 NBA Finals. The Spurs have been the NBA's model franchise for well over a decade, and this year was one of their best regular seasons—an NBA-best 62 wins (including a 19-game winning streak that ran into April) while becoming the first team in NBA history where no single player averaged 30 minutes a game.

After such a singular season, it's hard to imagine them stumbling in June because of a year-old memory.—Russ Bengtson

When will Father Time finally catch up with San Antonio?

By rights it should have happened already, so consider this all free basketball. Tim Duncan turns 38 next week, Tony Parker has been playing professional basketball for 14 seasons, and Manu Ginobili made his own professional debut before either of them. Nagging injuries have taken their toll—the last time any of the three played all 82 games was Parker way back in 2002-03. But has Pop has been able to scale back their minutes (again, the Spurs won an NBA-best 62 games this year with no player averaging 30 minutes per), and as Duncan continues to post more or less the same numbers he has for his entire All-NBA career, it seems entirely plausible that the Spurs will be able to keep things going for a few more years. —Russ Bengtson

Speaking of Father Time, what about the Mavericks?

The Mavericks are actually a touch older than the Spurs, thanks to the presence of Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki and Shawn Marion (all north of 35), not to mention pre-geriatrics Jose Calderon and Sam Dalembert. Thing is, the Mavs' old guys are still plenty good, too. Nowitzki averaged 22 points per game, shot 40 percent from three, and missed just two games, Carter—who also shot 40 percent from three—is a Sixth Man of the Year candidate, while Marion started 76 games at small forward where he continues to be something of an athletic marvel at 35.

The key for the Mavericks, however, might be mercurial 28-year-old guard Monta Ellis, who is as quick as ever and can go on hot streaks that even Nate Silver can't deny. He'll look even quicker given the company. (The Mavs are going home early though, sorry). —Russ Bengtson

How many first-round games will Dwyane Wade play in?

I want to say all of them because that's why he's been sitting, right? Wade has played in only 54 games this season but he didn't stray too far from his usual averages. He could probably sit out a couple games this series, though. The Heat are going to sweep the Bobcats for sure. But wait, Charlotte finished four games over .500. They might take the Heat seven, guys. And if MJ decides to suit up? Fagettaboutit. Guess we'll have to wait and see, right? Sike. Flash could sit out until the next round. Charlotte doesn't stand a shot in hell. Maybe when they switch back to the Hornets. —Angel Diaz

Will back-to-back fatigue begin to set in?

Only five teams in NBA history have been able to successfully complete a three-peat. Minneapolis Lakers from '52-54, Celtics from "59-66 (eight-peat), Bulls from '91-93 and again from '96-98, and L.A. Lakers '00-02. Do the Miami Heat belong in this elite class? LeBron James is without a doubt the most dominating figure the league has seen since Shaq in the early 2000s but 32-year-old Dwyane Wade who only played in 56 games this season is not going to play anywhere near how 23-year-old Kobe Bryant played back 2002. The two things the Heat have going for them are the facts that they play in the East (which should be breeze till the ECF) and the Pacers nearly imploded in the second half of the season.

So really, unless unforeseen happens, the Heat only have to have all hands on deck for two series in the 2014 playoffs. Wade's 32-year-old legs and even Greg Oden's 75-year-old knees will be ready by the time LeBron needs them to step up. —Nick Schonberger

When and how the fuck did the Bobcats become a playoff team?

In purely technical terms, the Charlotte Bobcats became a playoff team on April 5th, when they clinched a spot with a win over the Cleveland Cavaliers. But the Bobcats truly became serious on July 9, 2013, when they signed Al Jefferson to a three-year, $40.5 million deal. After going 28-120 over the prior two seasons (and finishing 24th in points in the paint in '12-13), signing Jefferson to a franchise-record contract seemed like a smart move. It worked out even better than they could have anticipated. Jefferson averaged a team-high 21.8 points and 10.8 boards—his highest numbers since '08-09—and was named the Eastern Conference Player of the Month in March. Teamed with the relatively young backcourt of Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson, the 29-year-old Jefferson might just be getting the Bobcats started. —Russ Bengtson

How will Kevin Durant play after winning his first MVP?

Out of his mind. I truly believe this is Durant's year. Mainly because I'm a Knicks fan and hate the Heat with every once of my soul. I recognize the LeBron as the best player in the game, but this season, the Durantla deserves the MVP. Playing without his main man Russ for a good chunk of the year, he has proven to be capable of carrying a franchise solo. And with Westbrook looking healthy, anything less than a competitive Finals appearance will be a disappointment. The Heat should be real nervous because the Thunder aren't fucking around. —Angel Diaz

Will KD overcome The Based God's curse?

Of course not. Who do you put your faith in? The mortal who has zero rings, zero MVPs (for now), and zero bitches? Or the God with has hundreds of music videos, millions of YouTube views, and has likely fucked your bitch? We thought so. We'll let you in on a tip from one of our sources *Chris Broussard voice*: Gregg Popovich brought on the Based God as a secret team consultant on Feb. 26, right before San Antonio went on their 19-game win streak. KD & Co. won't even make the Finals this year. Bengay x swag FTW. —Ralph Warner

But what about the Grizzlies?

Who? Why can't we go back to five games in the first round? The Grizzlies stink. They traded Rudy Gay for no reason. He stinks too but still, they all stink. The Grizzlies are third in defense but Russ and Durant are unstoppable. Memphis won 50 games? So what? OKC's gonna run through them like that White Castle you had last night. —Angel Diaz