Image via Complex Original
Ballers have it all: the girls, the cars, the fame, the glory, but sometimes they lack the hair. Some dudes were blessed with massive fros and wavy locks of greatness, others spend a lot of money on fitteds and beanies. Whether you keep it bald as a cue, try and shape it up, or just go with the IDGAF look, balding is balding.
Wayne Rooney just celebrated his 27th birthday and in light of his well-publicized hair transplant procedure we decided to come up with 20 other athletes who are in dire need of some Miracle-Gro on top of their domes. These men might dominate their various arenas of sport but when it come to the hair department, they come up more than a little short. So, from King James to Matt Hasselbeck, here are 20 athletes who need hair transplants.
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Gervinho
Age: 25
Sport: Soccer
We're still searching for the words here, the ends look stronger than the roots, that's a problem. Gervinho is a neat little footballer but WTF is going on with your hair fam? We don't know if a transplant will even begin to solve these problems but it's worth a try.
Albert Pujols
Age: 32
Sport: Baseball
Prince Albert is a three time NL MVP, two- time World Series champion, and could go down as the greatest hitter of all time. But every time he takes off his hat it feels like there are gasps of shock that there isn't more underneath. We know dude can use some of the money from the fat new contract ($250M, son!) to get the procedure done. Maybe that shit flew in St. Louis, but you're in La La Land now.
Carlos Boozer
Age: 30
Sport: Basketball
The spray paint can't save you. #nuffsaid
Dustin Pedroia
Age: 29
Sport: Baseball
Yikes, Pedroia is way too young for it to be this bad. It's baseball, Dustin, you'll be playing for a long time, get the hair transplant and enjoy the rest of the ride. Even if he gets to wear a hat/helmet 99 percent of the time he's on the field, we all know what's going on under there, or rather what isn't.
Jason Hanson
Age: 42
Sport: Football
Jason Hanson is the oldest active player in the league, but that's no excuse to give into the balding that has obviously taken over his life. His teammates may call him 'Pops,' but that doesn't mean he can't shock the world, or at least the Lions' locker room, with a hair transplant. Don't you want to be kicking in Motown 'til the Lions are good? Well maybe not that long, but you get the point.
Danny Murphy
Age: 35
Sport: Soccer
If you get a buzz cut and you end up with something looking like a landing strip up there, you have two options. Since you're in London you can head over to Heathrow and apply for a second job, or you can do the right thing and get a hair transplant. Do the right thing Danny, do the right thing.
Tiger Woods
Age: 36
Sport: Golf
Yeah if we had as bad a public embarrassment and subsequent divorce as Tiger, we'd probably be balding too. Although video evidence argues Tiger was losing it in more ways than one well before he drove into a tree and his private life became the most public. Come on champ you're on the comeback, nothing says I'm starting over more than a healthy head of hair. Or threesomes on the back nine. Ayo!
Antonio Cassano
Age: 30
Sport: Soccer
Maybe it's karma for the homophobic remarks Antonio Cassano made, or maybe it's all the European hair gel circling the Milan locker room. Either way it's not working, AC's mop is thinning quicker than Tim Tebow's career, sorry boss but what other QB is racking up the special teams tackles?
Junior Dos Santos
Age: 28
Sport: MMA
Maybe when you're giving a beatings like Dos Santos your hair isn't the most important thing in your life. But there's life outside of the ring boss, you're still in your 20s and there's no excuse for this. We know it's not your fault, but if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem. Get the transplant, knock everyone out, thank us later. Or just forget we ever said any of this and please refrain from breaking us in half.
Brian Urlacher
Age: 34
Sport: Football
Urlacher hides it well by shaving his head, but he could continue his juvenescence (look it up) style of play if a hair transplant is considered in the near future. Unless the big guy reads this, then the bald head looks great bro, we swear.
Philippe Mexes
Age: 30
Sport: Soccer
It's thinning at the sides and it's all ratty in all the worst ways. Come on Philippe, this isn't French sheek get some plugs and lose the little ponytails.
Matt Hasselbeck
Age: 37
Sport: Football
We feel bad hating on the elder statesman of Hasselbecks, the dude is 37 years old leading game-winning touchdown drives as recently as last week, but balding is balding. If you're going to play like you're 29 why not look that young, too?
Didier Drogba
Age: 34
Sport: Soccer
Drogba is the man, he was a major part of Chelsea's first Champions League title in his last season with the club. That being said, perms are still terrible for your follicles. Take action before it's too late. Word to Naomi.
Wes Welker
Age: 31
Sport: Football
So Wes Welker actually admitted to getting a hair transplant but it still looks like he should have his picture up in precincts and school zones in the New England area. It's time for round two, fam. Then again, dude bagged this dime with that mop (or lack thereof) on his dome. #lifeaintfair
Shane Battier
Age: 34
Sport: Basketball
Battier has one of the ugliest domes in the NBA but the vet gets somewhat of a pass. He's pushing his mid-30's and did just grab a ring, but you gotta be looking your best, South Beach bruh, South Beach.
Deron Williams
Age: 28
Sport: Basketball
Bringing the word thinning to new heights, maybe someone in Brooklyn can help D Will out with whatever he's got going on up there. We fear the worst though, it might require the transplant at this point, don't be sad fam, you almost made it to 30.
Rasheed Wallace
Age: 38
Sport: Basketball
The only thing Rasheed Wallace is known for more than the technicals is that bald spot on the back of his head. It's kind of become an identifier at this point, "who's that old guy yelling in the corner? Oh there's 'the spot,' it must be 'Sheed." Just get a little patch and cover it up, you don't even need the full transplant.
Chris Kaman
Age: 30
Sport: Basketball
If Tim Lincecum's nickname is The Freak we don't know what you call this guy. Scary doesn't even begin to describe Chris Kaman's hair, it's balding to say the least, he's tried long and short, maybe it's time for the transplant. While we're talking about Lincecum why don't you call him up and and ask him to donate some of his locks and some of that bud from the Bay.
Manu Ginobili
Age: 35
Sport: Basketball
We know the Spurs are an old team but come on, when Manu came into the league he had a full head of South American waves, dare we say Messi-like even. But slowly over the years things have been regressing for the Argentine magician, now fam looks like he's not far away from G.I. Jane. We know you're at the back end of your career but there's life after ball, get the hair transplant and turn back the clock.
LeBron James
Age: 27
Sport: Basketball
LBJ is finally a champion and he's probably on his way to several more, but where will that hairline be by the time he hangs up his kicks and calls it quits? They don't make a thick enough headband to cover the answer to that question. Seriously pick up the phone and call Bosley. Now.