Predicting Who Will Win Every NFL Game for Week 1

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Chopz: Give me the Bears here. At home and the Packers have a questionable defense and a new coach. 

Adam: Bears because until Green Bay proves they’re a better road team than they’ve shown the past few seasons (especially against the better teams) take the home squad whenever the Packers are away from Lambeau Field. 

Zion: Everyone is picking the Bears so I’m going with Green Bay. New offense, Davante Adams is going to eat. Discount double-check Aaron Rodgers will return. 

Angel: Da Bears. They have a lot to prove after that brutal lost in last year’s Wild Card game when Cody Parkey double-boinked it with five seconds left. I believe in Money Makin’ Mitch and that defense might be the best in the league. They’re gonna be out for blood, looking to make a statement Thursday night.

Chopz: Nobody thinks the Dolphins can win this game, right? Ravens by two touchdowns. 

Adam: Ravens in a game nobody will be paying attention to. Nor should they. 

Zion: Ravens. The Dolphins don’t even wanna win. They showed it what their recent transactions. 

Angel:  The Dolphins are tanking for Tua, so I—and everybody else—won’t be expecting much from this sorry excuse of a franchise. Miami loses in a laugher.

Chopz: CALL ME A HOMER BUT I’M PICKING THE BROWNS, BABY! 

Adam: Think Tennessee will keep this one close, but Cleveland is the pick. 

Zion: Browns. I hope. With all this hype, you better win week one. 

Angel: I’m gonna go with the Titans here. I think my guy Marcus Mariota is going to take it a few notches up this season and shows out Sunday. The Browns will be home, but I think the hype and the lack of chemistry is going to bring everyone back to Earth for a minute. The Browns will make it up next week against the Jets. I think Cleveland is going 9-7 this year.

Chopz: I’m actually feeling Atlanta here. Yes, they’re on the road, but I really don’t trust Kirk Cousins. Falcons time! 

Adam: Falcons on the road always a dicey selection. Give me the Vikings. 

Zion: Gimme the Vikings. Matt Ryan is worse on the road. Although he has Devonta Freeman back, think the Vikings pull this one out. 

Angel: Vikings. Minny is going to make a playoff run and their starting out at home against an unstable team. Kirk is gonna earn his money this Sunday.

Chopz: I think the Jaguars could be an upset candidate here at home, but the Chiefs will win. However, it might be closer than some people think. 

Adam: Tough game to bet on with the spread here, but since we’re picking straight up winners I’ll go with the better squad in KC. 

Zion: The Dee Ford (offsides) revenge tour will begin with a win on the road. 

Angel: I wanna take the Jaguars because Big Dick Nick is gonna lead them to the playoffs this year. But the Chiefs are going to be one of the best teams in football. Pat Mahomes is gonna have another stellar year. Kansas City wins a close one as that Jacksonville defense reminds people of who they are.

Chopz: Upset Alert: Give me the Panthers. West coast team traveling east for an early game is TOUGH. 

Adam: Panthers pull off the mild upset. 

Zion: Fam, let’s hope the Panthers can keep Aaron Donald out of the backfield because otherwise, we need to send our prayers Cam Newton. Rams win.  

Angel: I’ll take the Rams here. They’ll be hype coming off their disappointing Super Bowl appearance last year and I expect them to make an example of Carolina. 

Chopz: I think I like the Jets in this matchup, but it seems pretty even overall. Will probably come down to whichever 2nd year QB plays better. 

Adam: Expect it to be close since the Bills, shockingly, are a pretty good Week 1 team over the last decade and a half. But the Jets do have slightly more talent on the roster than the Bills, especially at quarterback.  

Zion: The battle of the two “New York” teams no one cares about. I’ll give to the Jets. 

Angel: Jesus Christ, who cares about this game. Give me the Jets, though, I guess. 

Chopz: Eagles, but I wouldn’t be shocked if the Redskins cover. Nine points is a lot in week 1! 

Adam: If you’re gambling on the spread, you’re taking the points. If you’re picking straight up winners, you’re taking Philly. 

Zion: Y’all remember the last time Case Keenum visited Philly. I don’t think much will change playing with less talent in Washington. Eagles roll. 

Angel: Eagles. 

Chopz: Give me Seattle. The Bengals will be without AJ Green and traveling that far for your first game is never easy. Plus, Seattle's defense now has Clowney in the fold and will make things super tough on Mr. Dalton. 

Adam: Seahawks win, but don’t be surprised if the Bengals hover around the magical number of 9.5 late into the fourth quarter. 

Zion: Going against Clowney and the 12th man in week one, that’s tough when you’re already mediocre. Seahawks pull it out. 

Angel: With AJ Green being out, I don’t see how the Bengals win this game or any game this season. Look for another mid season from Cincy.

Chopz: Easy Chargers W here. Will be interesting to see if the Colts can still compete with the rest of the AFC elite without Andrew Luck. 

Adam: Dignity Sports Health Park will be filled with despondent Colts fans still reeling from Luck calling it a career two weeks ago, but the Chargers roll. 

Zion: If Jacoby Brissett pulls off the week 1 upset on the road, that’ll be a cool story. But I’m not here for the narratives. Chargers. (My guy Angel said San Diego, *clown emoji)

Angel: San Diego (LA) Chargers. The Colts will be struggling to gain their footing after Andrew Luck’s shocking retirement. I think Indy will keep it close, but the Chargers will come out on top, Melvin Gordon or not.

Chopz: Is this the most boring game of the weekend? Let’s hope the Kyler Murray show can save it. 

Adam: Lions in the “Who cares?” game of the week. 

Zion: Kyler Murray puts on a show in game one of his career leading to a Cards win. 

Angel: The Lions blow Arizona out in Kyler Murray’s first game. I can see him struggling as a small QB in a faster league. It’s going to take some time for him to figure it out.

Chopz: Cowboys are my pick and they should roll but how bad would it have to get for the Giants to pull Eli? That’s what I’ll be watching for. 

Adam: NFC East rivals generally keep things tight and why do I feel like it would be oh so appropriate on too many fronts to count for the Giants to pull off the upset late Sunday? 

Zion:  THE NFL PRESEASON CHAMPS, THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, GO INTO DALLAS AND SHOCK THE COWBOYS WITH ZEKE! 

Angel: Dallas beats the breaks off my Giants. That’s all I have to say.

Chopz: Another team from the west heading east, though not an early game. I like the Bucs here but this seems like a real tossup. 

Adam: I just flipped a coin. Heads for Bucs, tails for Niners. Came up tails. 

Zion: Jimmy G brings home the W to start the season. 

Angel: The Bucs are looking to remedy last year’s disappointment. Jameis and Suh both have things to prove and they’ll be the best players on their respective sides of the ball. Tampa Bay wins in a close one.

Chopz: Patriots. No way they lose on ring night. 

Adam: Not a big believer in the Steelers the way some others are, so I’ll take the Patriots. 

Zion: See, the Patriots seem like the clear pick here but I’m going Steelers. Last time the Patriots played in their opener after a Super Bowl resulted in a 45-27 shellacking to the Chiefs. 

Angel: New England take this one on Ring Night as the Steelers look to shake off last year’s stink.

Chopz: Give me the Saints here. The Texans already lost Lamar Miller and their O-Line isn’t anything to ride home about. The Saints should take this. 

Adam: Saints are the prudent pick, but wouldn’t be shocked at all if the Texans pulled it out. 

Zion: ^ He didn’t pick anyone so I’ll pick for him and myself. Saints. 

Angel: This is going to be a great game but ultimately the Saints are gonna come out on top. New Orleans has a bad taste in their mouths, so look for Drew Brees and Company to not be fucking around this season. His time is running out to catch another chip.

Chopz: Give me DAAAAA RAIDERS. Watch AB go off, too. 

Adam: Broncos. No faith in the Raiders, although the home team in this series has been cashing in as of late.  

Zion: Monday Night Football. All eyes on the Raiders will the drama going on, I’m picking the Broncos. Add fuel to the drama fire. 

Angel: Raiders all the way. Oakland is going to be better than a lot of people think. They’re going 9-7 and sneak into the playoffs.