The NBA tips off tonight, with an exciting double header that’s sure to surpass the fireworks of Jimmy Butler’s first practice with Minnesota. The game is better than the drama!

In the Eastern Conference, the Celtics and Sixers renew an Eastern Conference rivalry that hasn’t been seen since Dr. J was throwing hands with Larry Bird. Ben Simmons, Joel Embiid, and whatever Markelle Fultz is now will be underdogs against a Celtics team that hasn’t had this much talent since Ubuntu, or the ‘86 squad that went 40-1 at home. Kyrie Irving, Gordon Hayward, Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, and Al Horford is the best starting talent outside the Bay, and Terry Rozier might be better than a third of the starting point guards in the Association.

The only other teams that matter in the East are Toronto and its charismatic new wing, Kawhi Leonard, and Milwaukee with new coach, Mike Budenholzer, and a yoked Giannis Antetokounmpo. The Raptors are in the same stratosphere as the Celtics in terms of talent, the myriad of long wing combinations new Raptors coach Nick Nurse can roll out will have NBA Twitter quadruple guessing him every chance they get. Mike Budenholzer just has to be better than Jason Kidd, which he could do if he stayed home (Joe Prunty went 21-16 for Lew Alcindor’s sake!). The rest of the East will be fun for fanatics and ignored by casual fans.

In the West, we’ve got the Warriors (Draymond yawn), the Rockets—stop pretending the loss of Trevor Ariza and Luc Mbah a Moute drops them; although, Jeff Bzdelik’s retirement might—followed by at least eight other teams that could host a first-round playoff game in the East. Yet again, like it’s been since Biggie and ‘Pac were still here, the west coast is the best coast.

Utah could give Houston and Golden State a run for the top seed. No, we don’t live in Salt Lake City. Rudy Gobert is what Dwight Howard was when Stan Van Gundy kept him in line, and Gobert isn’t a Diabetic-in-training walking fart joke. He’s a cultured Frenchman who has no qualms getting dunked on, so long as that same player tires it again.

The Thunder with Paul George locked up long-term and Andre Roberson coming back at some point, figure to be in the mix so long as Russell Westbrook doesn’t murder Dennis Schroder for taking a three late in a game and the shot clock above 15. “I learned it by watching you,” he’ll tell him in the locker room later.

Then there’s Denver, with Paul Millsap hopefully set to play the year, and Nikola Jokic set to titillate NBA Titter fanboys who read Bill James crime fiction for fun. We’re almost five teams deep in the West and we’ve forgotten the biggest storyline of the off-season and possibly the season.

The Lakers are making the playoffs. Anyone who writes otherwise is highly sus. LeBron James and four of your best friends would still make the playoffs, even in a loaded conference. He basically made the NBA Finals and took Game 1 off the Warriors (yeah, we’re giving it to him) with a similarly constructed team around him.

We can’t forget the Spurs, even if the rest of the NBA has, or the Blazers, who finished third in the West last year, their fans want to remind you. They also finished just two games from the No. 9 seed, which their fans seem to always forget. We haven’t even spoken on MVP candidate Anthony Davis and his Pelicans, who swept those superb Blazers in shocking fashion last April.

Luka Doncic and old man Dirk Nowitzki will be fun in Dallas, and the Suns have some kids, big and small, who should be entertaining. Maybe Marc Gasol and a healthy Mike Conley can restore the Grizzlies to the middle of the playoff race. October is nice for what? The NBA of course.

If you didn’t get that reference, then we’ll get out of our feelings and let you know we added an extra wrinkle to this year’s preview. In honor of October’s Very Own, we summarized all 30 squads according to the most appropriate Drake lyric we could find. Started from the bottom, now we’re ready to unwrap meaningful basketball.