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How much of your life have you spent holding in a fart? A day? A week? 10 years? It's really a problem that never goes away, from your first day of school until the day you croak from intestinal problems. Any and every social situation can be ruined by an awkward noise and/or smell emitted from your asshole. That's life.

And while it's bad enough that you can ruin exams, dates and business meetings with an overactive rectum, it's another thing when your farting starts hitting you where it counts: the checkbook. That's the reality for Broncos linebacker Von Miller, who's apparently getting docked pay due to a boisterous ass that yearns to be heard. The Denver Post's Nicki Jhabvala got the exclusive, whilst also showing us what beat writers are left with during the offseason:

So what was Miller's certainly laughable defense for his toxic (though completely relatable) problem?

Oh...actually that kind of makes sense.

Maybe the union should bring this up while negotiating the next CBA.

[via @NickiJhabvala]

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