Roots For: Bears
Things in your life are probably pretty fucked up if you're fixated on the mid-'80s. Let's start there. The Windy City made legends out of "Da Bears" after Super Bowl XX and, regrettably, they've played like a Foreigner song on repeat ever since. Dan Hampton has the balls to charge $10K for a speaking engagement, Steve McMichael has somehow managed to endorse every local car dealership from Skokie to La Grange, and Mike Ditka has slapped his name on bloody mary mix, wine, and jalapeno sauce that all taste, perhaps intentionally, like bear piss.