Image via Complex Original
Today the US Government decided to put their pansy ass personal agendas ahead of the well being for our entire country. While the House and Senate play hard to get with each other, the world we know is going to have to deal with the consequences and even sneakerheads will be affected. The government shutdown won't keep the most dedicated sneakerheads from getting their hands on new releases but it will change the way you go about getting your new sneakers, among other things. With that said, take some time to check out 10 Ways The Government Shutdown Will Affect Sneakerheads, so you can be prepared for the change that is upon us.
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You will have to cut back on Baby Jordans.
Yep, the government shutdown means you need to get your shit together, bruh. All that free healthcare and birth control is going to cost you now so the money you normally spend on Baby Js to keep your baby mama off your back, will need to come from somewhere else. And don't even think about skipping the birth control, you know better, bro. 18 years. 18 years!
No more looking at the copies of Where'd You Get Those and Sole Provider at the Library of Congress.
The Library of Congress is closed, which means no checking out the best sneaker books ever written-or going back through old Sports Illustrateds to look at the sneaker ads. Someone probably stole all the old Jordan issues already anyway.
Instagram likes will be significantly decreased.
Don't take it personally, though. Government workers are usually liking even the worst of Instagram photos. Seriously, what else do they do? That doesn't mean your photos are subpar. It just means your views are down across all social media. OH NO! Now you're not as cool as you thought you were.
NASA's shutdown means the next incarnation of Lunar will be delayed indefinitely.
Sorry, Lunar fans, but all research and development is on hold. Which is a shame, because it's not like NASA scientists had anything better to do right now. Look for Flubber to get pushed back to SP32.
Sneaker cleaning supplies won't be impacted.
Although the Republican Party has added their asterisk to the maintaining of the Affordable Care Act by singling out birth control as an evil that is no longer available under the government shutdown, the importance to sneakerheads is the care of their sneakers. Thankfully, you'll still be able to get your Jason Markk without any illegal activities. Condoms, however, are going to cost you.
The Foot Locker jobs site is now shut down.
Not because of the government shutdown, but because all the bandwagon government employees are trying to line up a job they can get discunts on their sneakers. Sorry, SneakerJobs.com.
Obama will hire Nelly to teach him to step in Air Force 1s since Air Force One will be grounded.
Considering Barack has a pretty mad decent sneaker game, if Air Force One was shut down, he could probably just go the Air Force 1 route instead. Worst case scenario, he can hire Nelly (he probably needs the assistance anyway) to be a consultant. Nelly can teach him how to buy two pair, get to stepping in his Air Force 1s, and maybe even reveal why Murphy Lee wears that fucking mask. Solving that atrocity might bring the Republicans and Democrats back together for good.
Online releases will get easier because people won't be able to afford Internet access.
Unless you kept all those AOL free internet disks "deadstock" then you're probably not getting online anytime soon without fronting some moola. Damn, choosing from Internet access or sneaker purchases is a tough choice for sneakerheads. The good thing is that frees up some space online for folks with real jobs who aren't still living in their parent's basement.
Lineups will be longer because less people have jobs.
The worst part about the government shutdown means more people with nothing better to do than stand in line for new releases. Sure, typical goverment workers might not be sneakerheads but we're betting their kids are. And that means more moms in the lineup at 21 Mercer. We feel sorry for your mother if you are having her stand in line. But if she's gonna be there with us, maybe have her bring us some milk and cookies for the next campout? Lots of them, please.
In order to support our country's leaders, left and right will now be packaged separately.
Talk about bi-partisan. This gives new meaning to the term double boxed.
