10 Reasons Sneaker Bloggers Are The Ultimate Hypebeasts

Image via Complex Original

There are several ways of doing this. There is the 'no caption' method, where the picture does all the talking - call it the 'oh, these?' approach. Then there is the 'thanks' method, where by shouting out your connects you get to say 'YES, I GOT THESE FOR FREE' without actually saying it. Or there's the 'mail' approach, where you show everything you got that day, because it's a struggle opening so many packages. Who has time to shoot all that stuff separately? Bloggers, we know about ya.

Yo, Yeezy had those way before you, homie. Taking iPhone pics in a cab because you had to show you had them first? Come on, now.

First there's the sample pic, then there's the teaser, then there's the full shoot from some sketchy site that gets pairs early, then there's the "official" photos, then there's the release reminder, then there's the actual photos that you took yourself - but it's the hypebeasts who make everything so hard to get. Please, tell us more.

Hm, or maybe they DO realize it, and a lot of the making fun is purely tongue in cheek. Are sneaker bloggers that self-aware? Is it possible that they know so much about sneakerhead activities because they are themselves sneakerheads, whether they'll admit it or not? Gee, maybe.

Sure, you're trying to get that connect to send you the newest stuff far in advance so you can write about it. You're familiar with JPGs, right? Oh, that's it - if you have the actual shoe (in your size, of course) you can shoot different angles. So clever.

Who influences the influencers? Somebody, that's for sure. Most bloggers are crafty enough to have more than one source where they got their whole style from, but originality? Probably not happening - what, like we're supposed to believe the only thing you aggregate is your content?

You were probably never going to wear those Jordan retros anyway - hell, you had them the first two times they dropped - but since that "other guy" got them, now you're pissed off. Call them Sour Grapes.

Fact checking? What's that? Besides, why call the company to see if that release date is correct when you can be first now and accurate later? The more posts on a release the better! Plus, you can always just say "updated release date" and pretend the wrong one was someone else's fault.

Chill, bro. If you're not a Chinese factory worker or a PLM - or Tinker Hatfield - someone else already knows more than you about that shoe you're trying to be all secretive about. You probably just can't read the language they posted it on their Instagram in. But it's OK, we won't tell your friends you're not as cool as you think.

Yeah, you think you know the competition but the reality is, they know you. They try to recreate what you've already created. They follow your every move on Twitter. They say the same things you do without giving credit. And guess what, they're just as lame as you.