15 Ways Sneakerheads Are Like Star Wars Fan Boys

Image via Complex Original

Its been a tough day and you don't have time to watch the entire Star Wars trilogy/Space Jam to cheer you up. Instead, you pour yourself a nice cup of Gatorade, slightly chilled, put on the headphones and zone out to that sweet music before a creative rush hits you and you hit NIKEiD. Or if you are a fan boy, you find the link to the Ewoks to complete the last page of your Star Wars fan fiction novel.

You love likes, and the only time you get them is when you Instagram pics of your kicks or you amazing collection of Star Wars Cosplay outfits. You try to put up images of your goldfish, but no one ever likes those pictures so you rely on your Jordan collection to ease your social ego.

Despite the fact that you have a report due in 20 minutes, your friend sent you a text about the latest images from the new movie/holiday 2013 release schedule and you instantly log on to Nike Talk/TheForce. Instead of just checking the details and finishing your work, you end up spending hours arguing how the new movie/release is going to be crap in comparison to the original and how you will "pass." Right.

Just because you can't get a girl, you insist that any girl that claims to like sneakers/Star Wars is faking it for attention. I personally know a few female sneakerheads that not only have better collections than you, but know more about the sneakers than you as well. Don't believe it? Check out the accounts of @shoequeendom, @jazzyrae, and @kicks0l0gy. Same goes for you Star Wars fucktards. Check out @thatgrltrish and @megturney. Now shut your face.

We get it. You really like Star Wars, but that doesn't mean Star Trek isn't a good show. In fact, many would say that Capt. Picard was the truth when it came to fighting the Borg. Same goes for sneakerhead fanboys. We know you think that only Nike/Jordan creates the best products that fit your style, but you clearly haven't opened your eyes enough to try out kicks from adidas, Under Armour, Reebok, New Balance, ASICS, Saucony, Supra, Gourmet, Li-Ning... Do we need to go on?

Remember those guys at the park that "thought" they were Michael Jordan and stuck their tongues out when they drove to the hoop? Most often you could spot them because they had on a pair of Js, a Bulls jersey, and a massive lack of coordination. Same goes for that Star Wars cosplayer that took things a little too far. I get you think you are Han Solo, but if you refer to your dog as a Wookie one more time I am going to "force" some sense into you.

This one goes without saying, but nothing says love like a lower back tattoo of your favorite product or character from an imaginary universe. With that being said, we have seen a number of sneakerheads over the years with the Jumpman logo forever lodged into the lower level of their epidermis. Same goes for fans of Yoda. "Ink you will" or something like that.

For sneakerheads, that person is Jordan Geller. For Star Wars fans, that person is Steve Sansweet. Both have spent years putting together the most comprehensive collections in their respective fields. Steve has a 5,000-square-foot, climate-controlled barn in Northern California packed with goodies from the iconic space saga. Jordan has a 7,500 square-foot space in Las Vegas. Need I say more?

For Star Wars fans, you have watched the movies so many times that you don't need subtitles when the aliens talk. For sneakerheads, when a press release from your favorite sneaker comes out and mentions Flywire Zoom Sprintweb Air Encaps, you know exactly what they mean and how it works to make you play better.

For most sneakerheads, a retro will never ever, ever, ever, attain the quality standards of the original releases. For Star Wars fans, Episode 4, 5, and 6 were the best things since sliced bread. You can't even talk to some Star Wars fans about episodes 1, 2, 3. Have you seen what some of these sneakerheads say about Jordan retros? It's like they're the Jar Jar Binks of Jordans.

For sneakerheads, the fact that Obama received a pair of Spizikes from Spike Lee was enough for him to get our vote. On the other hand, Star Wars fanboys were proud to to know that President of the United States is also a fan. And yes, we give him a pass for the whole #JediMindMeld things. I once called a Huarache a Hyperdunk, so everyone makes mistakes.

Considering I am a fan of both, I distinctly remember drawing Darth Vader rocking a pair of Air Jordan 4s and holding a basketball. [Please find this drawing and scan it ASAP. —Ed.] Or that one time I had the dream when Princess Leia was a cheerleader at the senior game when I was in high school. Yeah, you are judging me, but how many times have you dreamed about actually owning those Yeezys or having that signed pair of Air Jordan 11s? Or of Princess Leia in the metal bikini?

For some it's Jordan, for others it's Michael. For Star Wars fans its Leia or Luke. Either way, we have taken our obsession with people we don't have a personal relationship with and tried to create real-life versions of them by giving our children their names. I think my son will be named Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo.

For the Star Wars fanboy it may be Toys-R-Us, but for sneakerheads, it's Foot Locker. How do they know your name? Well, you visit the store just to look at the latest product out and over the years - yes, years - you have been there so many times that the Assistant to the Regional Manager even knows you by name.

Despite all the idiosyncrasies of being a sneakerhead or Star Wars fanboy, most, if not all of it stems from our passion. It is our love for the art form and the attention to detail that causes us to swoon when we hear names like Hatfield or Kasdan... Lucas or Knight... Jordan or Darth Vader. So though we are making light of it all, truth is, I am both a Star Wars fan boy and a sneakerhead all at the same damn time.