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Buying a woman a gift is like diffusing a bomb. It's a dangerous operation, even if you think you know what you're dealing with. Chances are, you don't.
Achieve peace on earth, and a satisfied girlfriend (sometimes they feel like the same thing) with our foolproof guide to buying your girlfriend the perfect gift for the holidays.
Because we care about your safety, and want your Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus to be a happy one, consider it our gift to you.
By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)
Send your anonymous sex and dating questions to [email protected], and we'll answer them in our new advice column, 99 Problems.
Don’t ask her what she wants.
You're not Santa Claus. You shouldn't take her on your lap and ask her what she wants this holiday season. Regurgitating someone's wish list in wrapping paper is not thoughtful. It's your job to figure out what would make her happy.
If you're completely clueless, you can ask her to point you in the right direction, but the actual gift you end up buying should be something you chose, not something she asked for.
Listen to everything she says, and take notes.
A crucial aspect of buying great gifts is being a great listener. Chances are, she constantly mentions little things she saw that she liked, or wishes she could do just in passing. Within the last week, she has made offhand comments about losing her headphones, wishing she could see Future in concert, and liking a friend's red trench coat.
It's your job to catalog these inadvertent gift requests as they come up. Not mentally; make an actual note on your iPhone labeled "gifts" and write (er, type) these things as she mentions them.
If you haven't been doing this up to this point, it's not too late. Rack your brain for things she's mentioned in the past, and listen carefully in the upcoming weeks. You'll be amazed how many things she mentions that can act as clues to point you in the right direction.
When in doubt, consult her friends.
Consider running your choice by one of her close friends before you buy, particularly when buying items where style is involved, i.e. clothing, jewelry, etc.
Chances are, they know what her taste is better than you do. Again, don't ask them what she wants (she'll be disappointed if she finds out your great idea was actually her best friend's). Just run a few of your ideas by them, and ask which they think will work best. Then, if she doesn't like it, you can blame it on them! Just kidding.
Don’t spend more than you can afford.
Sure, every woman secretly dreams of getting the Pretty Woman treatment from their Richard Gere (you know, minus the whole prostitute thing). But if you don't have that kind of cash, don't feel compelled to spend like you do.
The inclination to go overboard, while born of a sweet sentiment, is not necessary. Your girlfriend knows your cash flow, and she doesn't expect you to make it rain money you don't have just because it's a holiday.
Not only will the gesture make you look like you're trying too hard—willing to go into debt to make her happy? Not a good look—it will also make her feel guilty. Spend what you can afford, and make sure what you get is thoughtful. That's all any woman can hope for.
Don’t buy her anything practical.
As a rule of thumb, don't ever buy a woman something she needs. Buy her something she wants, and at best, something she doesn't even know she wants, but will enjoy.
Never buy her anything that is inherently practical. You might like new socks because all of yours have holes, but if you get her tights because all of hers have runs, you'll be the one running...from her wrath. Same goes for kitchen appliances (unless cooking is her passion) or any household items. Let her parents get her contact lenses and car insurance. You get her something that will excite her!
Buy her something sentimental.
No gift will provoke as strong an emotional reaction than a gift that is personal and specific to the bond you share. Every couple has inside jokes, landmark moments in their relationship, and first times. Buy a present that touches on one of these things, and you've struck gift-giving gold.
A mystery gift certificate for a night out that starts at the place you had your first kiss, and ends at the place you had your first date? Win. A photo album of your vacation together? A small painting of a hot air balloon because when you first confessed your feelings for her you said, "I always feel so high around you"? Jackpot.
Clearly, these are hypothetical, wildly specific situations. But, take a look at your relationship and think up creative ways to make moments tangible.
Experiences are great, but get her something tangible as well.
Sure, get her that weekend at a bed & breakfast, that spa day, or the concert tickets to the show she's been dying to see. Great memories absolutely make great gifts. But make sure that you also get her something tangible, something she can actually open and hold in her hands, as well.
It doesn't have to be extravagant; a little something will go a long way.
Buy her something sexy.
Done the wrong way, she'll be grossed out (think: cheesy lingerie from Fredrick's of Hollywood). But done the right way, a sexy gift can be unexpected and exciting, and liven things up well into the New Year.
How sexy you go depends on the woman. If she leans toward the tamer side, buy her some romantic, lacy lingerie from Agent Provocateur. Something like this. If she's more adventurous, get her something a little less lacy and a little more racy. And, a toy to play with while she's wearing it.
Leave a witty little note about her being on Santa's naughty list, and prepare to enjoy the holiday more than ever before.
Get her a card.
Even if you cover all your bases, and get her something naughty and nice, you'll still come up short if you show up without a card. Skip those long cards that have ten paragraphs of pre-written sentiment. Opt for a cute, sweet card and write some thoughts of your own.
It may be Christmas, but when it comes to cards, think Thanksgiving. Look back on the year that's gone by. What has she made you thankful for? Write a few of those things down and she'll be putty in your hands. No corny poetry required.
Buy her something only you could.
Aside from your gift being thoughtful, there should be a certain special element that makes it something that wouldn't have the same effect had it been given to her by her mother, brother, or best friend.
Remember this: The winning present will always be the one only you could have gotten her. This encompasses almost every rule we've laid out, and it's a good question to ask yourself as you reach the register, contemplating whether to purchase what you've picked out.
