Image via Complex Original
This week the Internet gave us a weatherman who dined on cat vomit found on the floor, bad kids who whooped the ass of a prankster, plus remixed, weed-themed odes to Hot Pockets as well as birds gone wild. If that wasn't enough for you, there's Rih Rih, Cassie, and a surprising wedding from a former R&B star I assumed swung deep into the other direction. Oh yeah, Azealia Banks, too, because...well, people troll so hard. Learn from the mistakes. Or not. I'll have another recap due soon.
Weatherman Eats Cat Vomit
This week the world got to know CBS Hartford weatherman Scot Haney, who was caught eating cat vomit on television. Although he thought the substance was "Grape Nuts," he's still disgusting given Haney's colleagues first noticed the substance on the floor before he put it into his mouth. Haney said the vomit "[tasted] like shoes." No shit, Scot. You found it on the floor.
Rihanna's Pain For Your Viewing Pleasure
During a recent trip to New Zealand, Rihanna, ever the bad ass, decided to get an authentic Polynesian Maori tattoo. This sort of tattoo doesn't make use of a tattoo gun; instead, you go through a rather painful process that involves a trained artist hammering and chiseling the ink into your skin. Thanks to Rihanna's friend, New Zealand musician, Tiki Taane, we were treated to a clip of the process. Oh, Rihanna. Way to be sexy and make so many of us feel like a bitch.
Cassie and Diddy's Love Incites Hate
Caught up in the spirit of the simp, Cassie and Diddy took to Instagram to post lovey dovey pictures: One of them sleeping next to each other, the other featuring Cassie giing Diddy Puff a foot massage. Somehow, this sparked a whole battle of the sexes online, and not surprisingly, the slander of Cassie. Then people brought up Diddy's ex and one of his baby mamas, Kim Porter, so the shade got even thicker. People, let it go, and more importantly, let Cassie and Diddy live.
That Prank Will Get You Got
Not everyone enjoys being pranked. Take for instance, the group of kids who proceeded to pounce on the ass of the dude who thought running around headless and shouting like a monster from a 1950s horror flick was the move. If you'll excuse me, I'm about to go recite the lyrics to Crime Mob's "I'll Beat Yo Azz."
Totally Fooled Us?
Does anyone remember the husky voice, tomboyish (to say the least), lead singer of the Bad Boy girl group, Total? Her name was Pam and most of us thought she preferred p...uh, the soft touch of a woman. So much for that. This week Pam was on Twitter thanking everyone for their congratulations on her wedding to "unofficial Pretty Ricky member" J. Long, who has since been baptized and now shrieks for Jesus. They both sound rather Christian in their Twitter bios, which explains the nupitals. Who went to that wedding? Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Da Brat and Frank Ocean's past? You know what? Never mind. Congrats, y'all.
Oops Upside Your Head
Azealia Banks found herself the target of a tossed soda can while performing at the Listen Out Festival in Melbourne last week. The video made its way to the Internet this week and quickly went viral. Azealia haters took glee from the unfortunate incident, but the ever so vocal rapper seemed to have the last laugh, writing on Twitter, "The can definitely didn't hit me.....and I definitely still got paid. More press please, and thank you. -Xx AB. Next time. I'm bringing a tennis racket on stage." Her rep released a much more politically correct statement, too.
P.S. Why was Azealia Banks trolling American Airlines? Or was American Airlines trolling her? I love you, Internet.
Kanye and Kimmel
After lashing out at Jimmy Kimmel via Twitter over a sketch poking fun at his odd BBC interview, Kanye West gave another somewhat odd interview on the actual show. It was your typical Kanye interview: Lots of legitimate points muddled with delusions of granduer, a dash of hypocrisy, and questionable delivery. That said, Kanye got the Internet going nuts when he declared that Kim Kardashian very much does deserve her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Listen, if those people in charge of who gets a star ever decide to include reality stars, sign her up. In the meantime, I disagree with my fellow Complex contributor who called out Billy Dee Williams over the issue. BILLY DEE WILLIAMS WAS IN STAR WARS AND MAHOGANY, aka one of my sister and 'nem's favorite movies. Kimberly could never.
Friends and Hotpockets
In shit you can't make up news, Snoop Dogg, Larry King, Kate Upton and Bow Wow were all tapped to film a new Hot Pocket commercial that features a remake of the Biz Markie classic, "Just A Friend" called "You Got What I Eat." Naturally, it features lots of weed references, which I can't even fault because Hot Pockets are classic high-people food. The clip has already amassed nearly 600,000 views. I've watched the video at least three times and I still have no idea of what I just watched. Maybe the issue is that I watched it sober.
Mayweather Subtweets Dirty Laundry
There's a woman by the name of Princess, who at one point, was rumored to be Floyd Mayweather's No. 1 sidechick (yes, I realize the irony in the phrasing, but rock with me), though she was allegedly also screwing Ray J, too. Worse, word 'round the web is she set Mayweather up to be robbed the night of his fight with Canelo Alvarez. That's when he supposedly found out about Ray J and ended up calling her trash by way of a sub diss on Instagram. In response, Princess wrote this lil' message on Instagram, harkening back to Mary J. Blige's past cries of just wanting to be hapy. My head hurts from describing all of this bird activity.
Chad Can't Let Go
In this week's creep news, Chad Johnson, posted a picture on Instagram of himself kissing a TV screen with Evelyn Lozada's face on it with the caption, "I caught Bae by surprise." First of all, "Bae" is disgusting, but I get why people born in the 1990s use it. The system failed them. No excuse for Chad, though. You're too old for that, man. You know better. Meanwhile, Evelyn tweeted, "I love surprises." You know what I love? The opposite of an attention whore.
