Image via Complex Original
Sometimes Twitter is not unlike a high school cafeteria table, set to watching two people curse each other out—to the point where they come to blows or tears or some lofty mixture of the two. If you don't know what I'm talking about, call your mother after you read this list and thank her for making sure you had better zoning for public education. As for my original point, for all the information, hook-ups, and comedy one can get from Twitter, there's also the opportunity to watch folks read the hell out of each other for everyone else's amusement. Perhaps that's not the nicest form of entertainment, but oh well, OWN viewers, it remains funny as hell to the rest of us. It's especially hilarious when famous people do it. Yes, they're just like us in all their rudeness and bitchiness. With that in mind, here's a rundown of the best etherings on Twitter. There's political shade, athlete beef, wars between artists, and intergenerational conflict. Sit back and scroll through, and please please please, point and laugh. They earned it.
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Rihanna vs. Ciara
Year: 2011
When Ciara made an appearance on E!'s Fashion Police, she went out of her way to chide Rihanna for being rude to her at a recent event. Ever present on social media and aware of who says what about her, Rihanna quickly took to Twitter to snarkly remark, "My bad ci, did I 4get to tip u? #howrudeofme." After Ciara warned Rihanna that she didn't want to see her on or off the stage, Rihanna offered the now classic retort, "U gangsta huh? Haaa... Good luck with bookin that stage u speak of." Ciara may have the limberness of Janet Jackson, but Rihanna's got the wit and the chart success. She's the winner a million times over, so yeah, good luck with that booking indeed, CiCi.
J.R. Smith vs. Kris Humphries
Year: 2013
For the rest of his life, Kris Humphries will always be known as that dude that married Kim Kardashian, Kanye's baby mama, for 15 minutes. Maybe for some people that's unfair. For the rest of us who watched him on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we'll continue to laugh at every joke and diss he's earned.
T. Boone Pickens Owns Drake
Year: 2012
On a random Wednesday morning, the artist formally known as Wheelchair Jimmy tweeted, "The first million is the hardest." Oh, you poor, poor, wealthy entertainer. Everyone's heart aches for you. Thankfully, the energy tycoon T. Boone Pickens spotted the tweet and decided to replay with, "The first billion is a helluva lot harder." Drake, realizing there was no advance big enough to get him to top that, admitted defeat and replied, "@boonepickens just stunted on me heavy." Meanwhile, I'm realizing that in this fight, I don't care about Richie Rich or Scrooge McDuck unless they're planning to help me get Sallie Mae off my back.
Bette Midler Checks Lady Gaga
Year: 2011
As many headlines Madonna garnered for calling Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" reductive given it's a pretty direct rip off of her hit "Express Yourself," it was Bette Midler who pulled an "@ or dap" to call out Gaga for her copy cat antics directly. The actress and singer made it clear that when it comes to dressing like King Triton's daughter, it was her idea first. After calling her out via Twitter, Midler would later tell the AP, "If she is interested, she can have whatever she wants because she is a very talented girl, and I love her a lot."
K. Michelle vs. Tamar Braxton
Year: 2013
During K. Michelle's appearance on 106 & Park, Tamar Braxton took to Twitter to ask whether or not she was missing a wig. The insinuation was that someone, say a Memphis-bred singer and reality star currently rocking a blond wig similar to hers, had copied her. Tamar then added, "Shade, but no shade" which if you don't know, means it's shade. Once K. Michelle caught wind of it, she let her have it and added, "I'm in a positive place but I ain't no punk!!! Dont come for a G. Now let me go to the boys and girls club and talk to the kids." As for that "shade but no shade quip," K. wrote "@ a real one if you bout it doe!" Even if K. Michelle hadn't bothered to reply, she won by default. A black woman complaining about who had fake blond hair first in 2013 is a "you lose" situation if there ever was one.
Audi Comes For Lexus
Year: 2013
One of the funniest displays of one-percent beef in 2013 was Audi coming for the neck of its fellow luxury car rivals. It's probably just friendly competition, but Audi wasted no time in mocking Lexus' failures. See the above tweet as well as this little quip from the Audi on the night of the post-Beyoncé halftime Super Bowl blackout: "Sending some LEDs to the @MBUSA Superdome right now..." #shots
Twitter vs. Keri Hilson
Year: 2011
Keri Hilson has been getting her wig snatched for years on Twitter-mostly by the Beyhive due to her committing one of the deadly sins that is dissing Beyoncé. However, on July 25, the Atlanta-bred singer got the ultimate clapback for posting a picture of a woman and tweeting, "Gasp* Amy Winehouse resurrected to party w/ me!!! (seriously, uncanny resemblance)." This was a whooping two days after the British soul singer died. Needless to say, people found her comment to be tacky and insensitive and reached for their scalps accordingly.
Cory Booker vs. The Irish
Year: 2012
Cory Booker is known for using his Twitter account to tend to his duties as the mayor of Newark, but when one particular Twitter user asked him for help, the usually congenial Democratic New Jersey senate candidate kept it it super real with Dublin, Ireland resident Lee Daly.
Michael Strahan Kills Warren Sapp With Kindness
Year: 2013
Warren Sapp let his insecurities fly high in February when he got asked in a radio interview if he doubted he'd get voted into the NFL Hall of Fame this year. He admitted to wondering, "It breaks down whatever and whatever and then you have Michael Strahan and me. C'mon, the menace and the media darling." In response, Michael wrote, "You never cease to amaze me! Enjoy your moment. You don't need to take a shot at me to justify yourself to other people. #class" As the two engaged in a back and forth, Michael ultimately wrote, "I only competed against myself. Don't let people make you get at me to justify your HOF selection. Enjoy it because u earned it." Although it is often great to give folks a piece of their own medicine, sometimes there's no better ethering than one delivered in the nicest of ways. In the end, Warren looked insecure and petty given Michael wasn't voted in. Yeah, there's a reason why he's a media darling, Sapp. Might want to learn some of that magic in your post-NFL career.
Lady Gaga vs. Azealia Banks
Year: 2013
Azealia Banks and her trademark impulsiveness led to another disparaging remark about one of her peers—Lady Gaga. Banks felt that Gaga was copying her mermaid schtick and talked about how "late" she was for doing so. She isn't talking about time, FYI. Though she didn't @ Azealia directly, it was pretty clear who Gaga was referring to when she pointed to her actual influence and prefaced with it the hashtag #Someofusjustliketoread. Oh, Azealia. Do you have a publicist? If not, why don't you get one?
Rihanna Tells Piers Morgan To Grow One
Year: 2012
Piers Morgan is a talk show host and notorious Twitter troll. Like most vile attention whores who enjoy taking shots at people for the hell of it, he is used to doling out insults to random celebrities but not them returning the favor. Enter the poster child of no fucks given, Rihanna, who shot back at Piers critique of haircut number 9,012 by telling him to grow a dick. I'd rather he buy a muzzle, but it wasn't my fade Piers was dissing.
Mimi Faust Outs Benzino
Year: 2013
Mimi Faust has the pent up frustration levels of a Guantanamo Bay prisoner and curses like she invented profanity. With that in mind, you can imagine she wouldn't take kindly to Benzino trying to discredit her by saying she had a threesome with Joseline and Stevie J. True to form, Mimi instantly exploded on him and accused him of playing in the snow and putting toys in his...well, y'all see that image. Benzino would later say sorry, writing, "mimi sleaze is my friend and eva is yall daughter and your his bm...so i apologize." I'd say that, too, considering who knows what else Mimi was ready to share with the Twitterverse.
Cher Ethers Herself Over Nicki Minaj
Year: 2011
Cher tried it when she instinctively believed a random stranger's assertion that Nicki Minaj dissed her on "Did It On 'Em." After being corrected by a member of #TeamMinaj, the legendary pop star called herself dumb and publicly wondered what her gullibility said about her. Nicki herself wrote to Cher, "#stopit5" then added how much she loves her. Y'all, we've got to be patient with our more senior Twitter users. Still, shout out to Cher for owning her naivety. Self-awareness is something a whole lot of you should embrace more.
Chris Brown Corrects Frank Ocean
Year: 2011
Say what you will about Chris Brown (I sure do), but when it comes to the root of his beef with Frank Ocena, he legitimately didn't mean any harm when he wrote, "I fuck wit Frank Ocean! Reminds me of a young James Fauntleroy or Kevin Cossum." Frank's response was very catty, and Chris' response to his response was excellent. Seriously, "it was a compliment you bitch ass nigga" is a perfect retort. Let's give this one to Christopher; he's rarely, if ever, right when it comes to Twitter.
President Obama Responds To Clint Eastwood's Crazy
Year: 2012
In his now infamous appearance at the 2012 Republican National Convention, Clint Eastwood did his adorable (to like-minded bigots, that is) crazy-white-man-with-not-so-great-views-of-black-people act, which involved him mouthing off a bunch of gibberish at an empty chair that was supposed to represent an "Invisible Obama." In response, President Obama—or perhaps, his shady team of 20-something social media savvy folks—posted this response. It went viral and made Clint Eastwood look even crazier, and the GOP, even dumber for giving him that kind of primetime action before their nominee was to deliver his acceptance speech.