Image via Complex Original
Most artist Twitter bios are invitations for us to buy something, or in certain case's, book the act themselves. However, there are a few emcees and rapper-adjacents out there who try to insert a little creativity into their Twitter bios. Some work, and others, not so much. More times than not, though, they just look silly. The reasons may vary, but they are ridiculous all the same. Here's a look at the guiltiest parties. Spoiler: Pray for me, members of Crime Mob. I'm a work in progress.
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What's Shaqness?
Username: @Shaq
Followers: 7,600,000 +
Before you even try me, Shaquille O'Neal has a certified platinum rap album and a gold-selling follow-up. He can't really rap worth a good damn, but he is technically a rapper all the same. And to be fair, "Biological Didn't Bother" wasn't so bad. His Twitter bio is another story, though. I'm assuming it's like "old man funny," which is cool if you're into that sort of thing. I'm not.
You So Deep, Jermaine
Username: @JColeNC
Followers: 4,472,000 +
As much as I like J. Cole the rapper, J. Cole the Twitter philosopher should wait a couple of decades. What makes this even better/worse is that he sounds a lot like Diggy's dad when he writes, "Let these words be the Colors, I'm just paintin my heart." Someone blow out his incense and snap two times.
God Sent You For What Again?
Username: @BustaRhymes
Followers: 2,655,000 +
Call it a personal beef, but Busa Buss, but if you're "God sent," why aren't you making videos like "Woo Hah!! (Got You All in Check)" anymore? That was God's work and you haven't put in a time stamp since like the late 1990s. That ain't it, dude. That ain't it.
The Wisdom Whisperer's Disclaimer
Username: @RevRunWisdom
Followers: 4,237,000 +
The fact that he had to put that disclaimer in his bio makes it ridiculous alone, but when you factor in that it's Rev. Run, it's ridiculous by default. And if you find his words of wisdom enlightening, consider yourself ridiculous, too.
But He's Dead, Though
Username: @2Pac
Followers: 213,200 +
This bio is ridiculous given it's for a person who died in 1996. As in, way before broadband let alone MySpace, and certainly well before the Twitter. Cut it out already.
Say What, Ice-T
Username: @FINALLEVEL
Followers: 432,000 +
First off, I'll always appreciate Ice T as "Danny-Up" from New York Undercover, and homeboy in Law and Order: SVU. That said, look at this: "ICE T Leader of the FINAL LEVEL TWITTER GANG. #FLTG. Gamer Tag LORD 187X on XBox ICET on INSTAGRAM 'Street Philosopher.'" Like, what, sir?
The Check Says It All, Sir
Username: @BIRDMAN5STAR
Followers: 1,645,000 +
Since Birdman is a little older than most, it's understandable that he might want to reiterate that his account is the official Twitter account for Birdman. But you know, that whole little blue check solves that riddle; no need to repeat. P.S. Don't hurt me, Mr. Birdman. I bought a bunch of old Cash Money classics, Nicki Minaj albums and Drake concert tickets.
The Band Ain't Together Anymore, Though
Username: @2Chainz
Followers: 2,172,000 +
Honestly, there's nothing wrong The Artist Formerly Known as Tity Boi can do in my eyes, especially after he wants me to make a catfish po'boy in some kind of designer linen ensemble crafted by the wealthiest of Europeans. Be that as it may, "Tity Boi (2 Chainz) 1/2 of Playaz Circle." Now, when is the last time you heard a Playaz Circle song? When is the probablity of them getting back together? Shouldn't it be more like, "LET ME OUT OF MY DAMN CONTRACT, LUDACRIS?!"
Keys The Problem
Username: @keys_theproblem
Followers: 15,200 +
Y'all remember that Baltimore-bred rapper, Keys The Problem, who got a little online traction courtesy of a Nicki Minaj-diss track? She even get cool with Lil' Kim for a millisecond over it. Well, her bio says, "Greatness shall silence them all.." Where is Nicki Minaj in 2013? Now ask yourself where is Keys? Also: what's up with that Yahoo email address? #TeamMinaj
The Gray Area
Username: @JoeBudden
Followers: 779,800 +
This falls under the "Man, you so deep" category. And by deep, I mean you could dig the hole with a toothpick, spit in it, and boom, you've reached your full level of depth. Or maybe I'm just a jerk. That would be fine, too, given some of the tweets from the subject in question. See you on Love and Hip Hop: New York, though, Budden!
Where's Your Key Ingredient, Salt and Pepa?
Username: @TheSaltNPepa
Followers: 14,500 +
This legendary hip-hop duo and kinda trio, too, deserve more than just a nonexistent bio. C'mon nah, where's some reference to "Push It," "Shoop," "Let's Talk About Sex," or "Sexy Noises Turn Me On?" I expect more from you two and sometimes three ladies.
If You Say So, Derrty
Username: @Nelly_Mo
Followers: 3,406,000 +
While I still sing about going down, down, baby, yo' street in a Range Roover (more like a Toyota Camry, but whatever), hold on: "NELLY's OFFICIAL TWITTER...CEO of Nelly Inc, Derrty Ent, Apple Bottom Clothing and a St. Lunatic." Do any of these things still exist?
Nah, You Need Something There
Username: @AZEALIABANKS
Followers: 354,000 +
"Nothing to write here." I beg to differ, wonderfully talented but woefully impulsive, Azealia Banks? Try: "How about a much needed disclaimer?" Or better yet: "At your own risk."
Consistency Is Key
Username: @fucktyler
Followers: 1,927,200 +
Normally, I'd object to a bio like, "I FUCKING HATE JELLYFISH. GOLF WANG." However, this is Tyler, The Creator, he who is known for being completely ridiculous at all times. So, this fits the model. You others, though, not so much.
Mixed Signals
Username: @DiamondAtl
Followers: 331,300 +
Why yes, Diamond of Crime Mob fame, "GOD IS AMAZING!!" But you know, shouldn't this be Yolanda Adams' Twitter bio and not yours? God bless you, though, Ms. 32 Flavors.
