Image via Complex Original
Written by Michael Areceneaux (@youngsinick)
Black History Month is upon us. And like every year, it's a time to reflect upon the important contributions African Americans have made to the country. But it's not always biscuits and gravy. Certain people see February as a prime opportunity to complain—about the month itself, over who should or shouldn’t be honored, and whether or not certain corporations are really honoring black culture with hip-hop themed television ads.
That said, here’s our list of 25 tweets you can expect to see during Black History Month. Feel free to chime in and know that you’re more than welcome to refrain from airing select grievances until at least Cinco de Mayo.
February Isn't Fit For History
You know this type: "Why do black folks get the shortest month of the year? Why not October? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
Marcus Garvey Was The Last True Leader of The Race
Prepare to be reminded of historical figures like Marcus Garvey and why he was the last true savior of black folks. Because, you know, black people need to be saved.
Black History Should Be Celebrated Everyday
No matter what year it is, you are sure to find the one person who reminds you every single day of Black History Month that "black history is every day." Props to Captain Obvious for being so good at his job.
Oppression Olympics
The debate will be over who had it worst. But the bigger question is, how incredibly sophomoric are the people asking the question?
2Pac Back
For some reason, 2Pac gets mentioned be it Bastille Day or Black History Month. I imagine we'll see Twitpics, Instagram shots, and Facebook uploads of Barack Obama baptizing 'Pac with Martin Luther King and Malcolm playing pool in the background.
Fast Food Chains Hate Us?
During February, fast food chains often attempt to use their social space to honor African Americans; yet many remain unimpressed about their commitment to the black community. As in, they want said fast food chain to stop making 20 piece chicken combos so damn cheap, and for the love of God, cut it out with all the hip-hop themed commercials.
I Am A Deep Thinker And I Want Everyone To Know It
Don't be surprised when the Ron Johnsons of Twitter magically morph into Shazza Zulus. Don't worry, though, because they usually quit by mid-February.
Reality TV Ruined The Race
Whether it's "Love & Hip Hop" or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta," someone is going to say, "Reality TV has brought black people down." For the record, that someone ought to fall through a trap door.
What About White History?
This stupid and completely disingenuous question will surely be asked by an idiotic person. Just don't let it rile you up to the point where your inner Django is released.
Inspiration Via Black Ty
Be sure to expect some deep-adjacent, faux spiritual, uplifting message for black men from Black Ty The Philosopher. Afterall, "Manology" drops the first week of February.
Roots Live Tweeting
You know BET or some other network is going to reair it (again). And you know it's going to be live tweeted.
Black History Trivia
Wikipedia is about to throw up on your timeline. Don't be mad, be grateful you're learning something besides what Bible verse Rihanna uploaded for her Instagram Christian study group.
Generation Lost Ones
Admittedly, there may be some wiggle worm here with the complaint about declining black youth. Nonetheless, no one likes a pessimist.
Segregation Wasn't THAT Bad
Folks get to comparing stats then and now and some start wondering whether Brown vs. Board of Education got it wrong. Michael Jackson says no and his co-signer is Mariah Carey.
Guess The Black
Don't be surprised when folks suddenly want to embark on a scavenger hunt to see who might be passing. Bronze and contour accordingly or you might find yourself "chose."
Who Needs To Leave The Race
It's sort of like "damn this generation to hell," only people start naming names. Call it a hunch, but presumably names like Chris Brown and Chief Keef will be atop the list.
Who Are The Successors?
As soon as the clock strikes midnight on February 1, a debate ensues over who the important black figures of today are. Expect President Obama, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, and First Lady Michelle Obama to be mentioned, saluted, and slighted.
Family Matters, Yo
A few will share wonderful tales about their older relatives who helped fight for equality and/or heckled racists whenever the opportunity presents itself. Respect.
Not Our Whitney!
Yes, Whitney Houston's success transcended race, but she is one of the most successful, and important, black entertainers of all time. Expect non-stop posting of Whitney lyrics, YouTube video links, unreleased Nippy tracks, airbrushed shots of her standing over Aaliyah and Left Eye, plus cries of "Damn that Bobby Brown!"—even if it wasn't his fault.
My Negro Dead
The passing of black celebrities isn't exclusive to Black History Month, but the ante always seems to get upped in February. If there is a hell, hopefully there's a special section reserved for people who keep trying to off Morgan Freeman.
Obama Hate
I can already see it: "Oh, he thinks he's too hot to trot this month because half of him is getting a programming bloc on the History Channel." Aren't you glad Sarah Palin has been booked for an extended vacation on Irrelevant Island?
Blacks Bashing Black History Month
The "girl and boy, you so different" sect of the race will be sure to bemoan Black History Month as separatist and question whether it's still necessary. Be sure to report them as spam.
Will They Die For You?
"So and so didn't do for you so that you [redacted] and [redacted] could do, X, Y, Z." Guilt, shame, rinse, repeat.
It's Bigger Than The King
Most American textbooks breakdown black history in three parts: Slavery (albeit a sugarcoated version at best), the civil rights movement/Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's dream speech, and the election of President Obama. There's more than three black historical moments worth noting, and you best be sure you'll be reminded by your timeline.
Shine Blockers
Maybe it's just proper planning, but there most certainly will be other groups plugging their day (or month) of honoring in advance. Y'all will get your moment to be Beyoncé, so in the meantime, step behind thee and play your parts, Kellys and Michelles.
