Image via Complex Original
Video games are pretty great, but like all great things in life they could be made better with a simple addition. I’m talking about breasts ladies and gentlemen. Tits, breasts, boobs or funbags; whatever you want to call them, they make everything just a little more pleasant.
Unfortunately most video games try to avoid rampant displays of awesome and cover the boobies up with clothing or censor bars. Thankfully there are men and women hard at work around the world, modifying and hacking games to tear down these oppressive obstructions and give us full, unfettered access to the sweet sight of bouncing melons we all crave.
10. Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball
We start our list off with the most challenging mod to install. As an Original Xbox exclusive, the modding community went to great lengths to get Kasumi, Hitomi and the rest butt naked for their beach volleyball debut. Requiring modded consoles, hard-drive manipulation and a whole lot of shifty tech work, proving that nerds will go to any length to see a naked girl. When you finally get the patch running, you’re able to enjoy a few games of topless hand tennis with some of the bounciest girls in gaming even if it took a significant engineering job to do so.
9. Postal 2
Running with Scissors created a controversial, but highly hilarious murder simulator when they built Postal 2. With more debauchery than any would care to recount, the game was the epitome of deviant behavior. It always struck odd that despite letting you to shove a shotgun up a cat’s rear end as a makeshift silencer, there was a distinct lack of nudity. Thankfully modders have addressed this problem, allowing the magnum opus of misbehavior see some skin.
8. Fallout 3
This one’s only lower on the list because I’ve got a hard time getting turned on in the middle of a radioactive wasteland. Sure, the bandits may be naked, but the odds are you’re going to get something far worse than Chlamydia if you partake in the devil’s dance. Still, they sure are pretty to look at, and the Fallout V.A.T.S. system lets you slow everything down and get a nice long gander in the middle of every firefight.
7. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Most people would think the infamous Hot Coffee mod for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas would be at the top of the list, but truth be told it’s a little tame by comparison. Sure, it’s the only one of the mods on this list that offers titillation in the form of an interactive boning minigame, but the blocky low-resolution boobs are barely visible and CJ’s O-face is something you’ll want to shake from your head immediately. Still, there’s no denying that the Hot Coffee mod changed the gaming industry forever.
6. Half-Life 2
Oh Alyx Vance, how I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. With a cool as ice attitude and genuine girl-next-door looks, she’s a heartbreaker and a half. Unfortunately Valve has a knack for creating tasteful non-sexualized characters that don’t really get the sort of down and freaky we all want sometimes. Combined with GMod, the Alyx Vance nude patch is an absolute treat, letting you to pose her naked majesty in whatever floats your sick and twisted boat.
5. World of Warcraft: Cataclysm
There’s nothing quite like being naked in public. Odds are though as a hardcore World of Warcraft player you lack the physique to do so without being ridiculed. By modding your local copy of World of Warcraft you’ve got the ability to waltz around Azeroth naked as the day you were born. Even better, you can choose to replace everyone else’s texture packs, making you a lone clothed warrior amidst a sea of naked Orcs and Elves.
The odd thing about the patch is that although you can see your own butt, unless other players also have the mod installed, you’re going to be the only one that ever knows you’re not wearing anything. I mean your character, they all assume you’ve taken off your pants.
4. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider Underworld
The tits that launched a thousand modders. Lara Croft’s ample bussom served as the canvas for the original nude modders and it’s a tradition that’s carried through to the modern day. Every iteration of the franchise has seen more than a handful of unique hacks to get her clothes off, but we felt it best to highlight the most recent and best looking of them. Sure, it may not be quite as good as getting Angelina Jolie naked, but if you’ve got a copy of Gia you’re probably set anyway.
3. The Sims 3
It’s not just the fact you can make nude versions of all the people you know in real life that makes The Sims 3 no-censor patch magic, it’s the fact that you can force them into all sorts of awkward, promiscuous situations that would never happen in real life.
This may be the most perverted use of the nude mod to date, but there’s nothing quite like letting all your creepiest fantasies with your high school guidance councilor play out in miniature. Another awesome thing is that if you’re not an absolute degenerate you can use The Sims 3 nudie mod to portray some very real life events, like that time you got depressed after getting fired and ran around your house naked while blasting mariachi music. It’s okay, we’ve all been there.
2. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
You might not think the frozen tundra of Skyrim the optimal place to shed your loincloth, but Bethesda put a lot of work into creating detailed 3D models and I’ll be damned if they’re not appreciated.
Haven’t you always wondered what an Argonian looks like without armor, or just how hairy a Khajiit really is? For once the modders seem to have tried to make things fair for both sexes as you can download patches for both naked men and women. Just be wary, I hear the heavy snowfall can cause some serious shrinkage.
1. Saints Row: The Third
It seems strange that Saints Row: The Third even needs a nude patch with it’s over the top antics and overt sexuality. I’m curious who decided it was okay to throw in a giant purple dildo to club people with, but was willing to draw the line at showing nipples.
More than any of the other games listed, Saints Row: The Third fits the nude mods made for it. It’s the logical conclusion for a game that’s defined by its insane addiction to all things hot and sticky. Whether you want to take to the streets as a disrobed champion of the night or you just want to spend a little free time adjusting the sex appeal slider of your custom character in vivid detail, this patch isn’t just the nude mod Saints Row: The Third needs, it’s the nude mod it deserves.
