Image via Complex Original
The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes pyromaniac teens, Facebook-related deaths, and sexting teachers. Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to [email protected].
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero:
RNN: Ratchet News Network
Botched Jolly Rancher Meth Arrests Cost NYPD $33,000
Date: 9/5/2014
Location: New York City
Crime: Confusing candy for meth
Ratchet Meter: 4
The NYPD has settled a lawsuit filed by men who were arrested after officers mistook their Jolly Ranchers for meth.
The Smoking Gun reports that 23-year-old Omar Ferriera and 26-year-old Love Olatunjiojo were arrested last year after exiting It'Sugar in Coney Island. Police were convinced they had retrieved “quality methamphetamine,” even telling prosecutors in Brooklyn that the substance they recovered had tested positive for drugs in the field. Meanwhile, a third man, 27-year-old Jimmy Sano, was arrested for trying to protest Ferriera and Olatunjiojo's arrests.
Unfortunately, further tests proved that the aforementioned “quality methamphetamine,” was, in fact, candy as the men insisted. Charges against Ferriera and Olatunjiojo were dismissed, and the trio was awarded a total of $33,000 in settlement money.
As for the police, well, this is what being overzealous gets you.—Julian Kimble
[via The Smoking Gun]
Florida Teen Who Visited Slender Man Sites Sets House on Fire with Family Inside
Date: 9/5/2014
Location: Port Richey, Fla.
Crime: Attempted murder
Ratchet Meter: 8
A Florida teenager set fire to her home with her family inside yesterday, authorities say.
According to WTSP, 14-year-old Lily Marie Hartwell set the Port Richey, Fla. home ablaze while her mother and 9-year-old brother slept yesterday morning. Both managed to escape, but when emergency responders arrived, Hartwell was missing. During a search, she began sending her mother texts apologizing for her actions.
Hartwell was eventually found hours later at a park in the area, reportedly carrying a bag which contained “clothes, bottled water, cookies, knives, lighters and flashlights.” During questioning, Hartwell told authorities that she had taken to visiting the SoulEater website, which triggered unsettled feelings about bullying and disciplinary action her mother had taken against her.
Police found one of Hartwell's journals, which contained entries that detailed her disturbing frustration. “If this keeps up there will be no one safe in this house,” she wrote in one entry. Another contained a preemptive apology for her actions: “Mom if you ever find this before it happens Im sorry…”
While acknowledging that sites like SoulEater and Creepy Pasta are associated with the fictional Slender Man character who was at the center of the Wisconsin stabbing earlier this year, Pasco Sheriff Chris Nocco noted that they probably did not prompt the teen to set her home on fire.
Hartwell faces charges for arson and attempted murder.—Julian Kimble
[via WTSP and Tampa Bay Times]
A 20-Year-Old Driver Killed an Old Woman While Looking at Facebook
Date: 9/5/2014
Location: Ada, Minn.
Crime: Negligent homicide
Ratchet Meter: 7
This is just awful. A 20-year-old driver rear-ended another car at 85 mph, killing the 89-year-old great-grandmother inside. Police looked at the driver's cell phone and determined she was looking at Facebook at the time of the crash. Witnesses say she never even hit the brakes.
Police have charged Abby E. Sletten with negligent homicide for causing the fatal accident. According to reports, she told police she couldn't remember it even happening.
It's obvious, but we've still got to say it: this is why you don't text (or Facebook) and drive.—Julian Kimble
[via Gawker]
Wisconsin Teacher Confesses to Sexting Minors
Date: 9/4/2014
Location: Madison, Wisc.
Crime: Exposing genitals to a child
Ratchet Meter: 8
A Wisconsin man who came clean about using Snapchat to send inappropriate pictures to two underage girls has been arrested, officials say.
The Wisconsin State Journal reports that 24-year-old Madison, Wisc. native Brandon Amato confessed to sending naked pictures of himself to girls the girls, ages 16 and 17. Amato reportedly met the girls during the year he worked as a teacher and assistant football coach at Stoughton High School.
According to the Journal, he sent a series of pictures to the younger girl towards the end of June. Furthermore, the 17-year-old revealed to a school counselor last month that Armato had done the same to her.
Authorities say Amato first claimed that he only sent pictures to girls ages 18 and up, but eventually owned up to knowing that both girls were minors. He was charged with exposing his genitals to a child and could face a maximum of seven years in jail if convicted.—Julian Kimble
[via The Wisconsin State Journal]
Creep Arrested for Ejaculating Into Co-Worker's Coffee
Date: 8/26/2014
Location: Blaine, Minn.
Crime: Criminal sexual conduct
Ratchet Meter: 10
A disgustingly haphazard attempt to get a woman's attention resulted in a man being arrested for ejaculating in her office, including in her coffee.
CBS Minnesota reports that 34-year-old John R. Lind masturbated into his co-worker's coffee twice and onto her desk four times since February. Worse, he used her allegedly used one of her hair scrunchies to clean up his mess.
After discovering a suspicious liquid dripping from her desk onto the floor of her office, she contacted police on Aug. 26. She explained that she once discovered him at her desk with his hand planted firmly on his crotch, and told authorities that he tried to have conversations with her with his fly unzipped on several occasions.
She also noted that her coffee tasted strange in the past, and when police told her that Lind had confessed, the horrified victim said she suspected that it was something other than spoiled cream.
Lind admitted to police that he knew what he was doing was “gross and wrong,” but said he was attracted to the woman and thought it would make her notice him. It got her attention, as well as theirs. He was charged with criminal sexual conduct and faces up to a year in jail in addition to a fine.—Julian Kimble
[via CBS Minnesota]
Man Who Left Son to Die in Hot Car Indicted on Murder Charges
Date: 6/18/2014
Location: Marietta, Ga.
Crime: Murder
Ratchet Meter: 9
The Georgia man whose infant son died earlier this year after he was left in a hot car for hours has been indicted, officials say.
The Associated Press reports that Justin Ross Harris was indicted on several charges including murder and cruelty to children. His 22-month-old son, Cooper, died on Jun. 18 after Harris was supposed to take him to daycare, but told police that he forgot to do that, instead proceeding to work where he left the boy in the car's back seat on a day when temperatures were in the 80s.
According to authorities, the boy remained in the car for an estimated seven hours, and his death was ruled a homicide after a medical examiner determined that the cause of death was hyperthermia.
Damning testimony from Cobb County Det. Phil Stoddard claimed that Harris sat in his office trading nude photographs with multiple women and a teenager while his son remained in his car. Furthermore, Stoddard testified that Harris used the Internet to research the amount of time it would take for a child to die while seated in a hot car.
Harris could face the death penalty if convicted.—Julian Kimble
[via The Associated Press]
Noisy Birthday Threesome Prompts Man to Stab Roommate
Date: 9/4/2014
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Crime: Intent to commit felony force and burglary
Ratchet Meter: 9
A Texas man's birthday celebration (a threesome, for the record) ended violently when his roommate stabbed him over the event's volume.
KHOU reports that the man was literally kicking his 36th year of life off with a bang in May when Antonio Flores, 42, exploded into his bedroom at their San Antonio home. Armed with a kitchen knife and complaining about the noise, Flores proceeded to stab the man “several” times.
The man was hospitalized after sustaining non-life threatening injuries, and the two woman were able to identify him. Flores was finally arrested on Tuesday and charged with both intent to commit felony force and burglary.—Julian Kimble
[via KHOU]
Racist Clown Fired For Calling Woman “Nappy Head” At Fair
Date: 9/3/2014
Location: Memphis, Tenn.
Crime: Racial slur
Ratchet Meter: 7
A clown at the Delta Fair in Memphis, Tenn. was fired after a black family said his dunk tank insults crossed the line from being funny to being straight-up racist.
The clown reportedly yelled “Hey, nappy head,” which caused Tanya Jones and Mario Curry, who were at the fair with their young kids, to stop and look at each other, Curry told local TV station WMAC.
“Yeah, I'm talking to you,” the clown reportedly said before calling Jones “Shaneneh” and saying she looked “un-be-weave-able” and had bought her “cheap weave” from the Dollar Tree.
Some people might argue that actually being employed as a dunk tank clown at a Tennessee fair is a much worse punishment than having no job at all, but apparently not the clown's boss, who fired him.
A fair representative told reporters the clown's insults were never supposed to contain any sexual or racial connotations at the family-friendly fair.
The fair refunded the family's money. —Julian Kimble
[via Gawker]
Desperate Cleveland Duo Arrested for Stealing Sex Toys from Walmart
Date: 9/2/2014
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Crime: Theft
Ratchet Meter: 6
Apparently eager to set a new standard for petty crime, a man and woman in Cleveland, Ohio were arrested for stealing sex toys last week. From Walmart.
The Smoking Gun reports that 20-year-old Geoffrey Greene and 23-year-old Kia Porter were arrested last Wednesday after security guards watched the overzealous duo shoving the devices into Porter's purse. Though she was aggressive and argumentative at first, Porter sang a different tune when police arrived, turning her purse over to them.
Inside, police found two Trojan Intense Pleasure Vibrating Rings and two two LifeStyles A:muse Personal Massagers. Both Greene and Porter were charged with theft.
In hindsight, they have to realize at this point that $30 worth of stolen merchandise wasn't worth the trouble or embarrassment.—Julian Kimble
[via The Smoking Gun]
Florida Fugitive Apprehended After Stopping to Play with Cats During Police Chase
Date: 8/29/2014
Location: Boca Raton, Fla.
Crime: Stealing, hit and run on numerous cars
Ratchet Meter: 9
When they aren't (and even when they are) being anti-social, cats are amusing. Cuddly, even. Regardless, stopping to play with them is high on the list of bad decisions for a fugitive in the middle of a police chase.
WPBF reports that Daniel Velapatino, 21, stole thousands of dollars from a friend, then crashed a Lexus into several cars (a police car, included) after spending the previous night doing drugs in Boca Raton, Fla. After fleeing on foot, he approached the back door of Candace Noonan's home, explaining that he was doing yard work for her neighbors and needed a glass of water.
Noonan obliged, but returned to find Velapatino sprawled out on her living room floor, playing with her cats. “It almost looked like he either was on drugs or he was mentally handicapped,” she told WPBF. She was correct, to an extent. When Noonan's husband began questioning Velapatino, he escaped via the back door, but police later apprehended him using a police boat.—Julian Kimble
Rarely a dull moment in Florida.
[via Gawker and WPBF]
